Data input and company cars
Sorry, it's a long'un

So I was a data input monkey for a while at £8 an hour (just after A-levels and desperate for beer shrapnel) for which, like most here, I wrote a macro and spent the rest of the day hanging around the arsholiest jeb ends in the office, asking them if they wanted a coffee - most times, they'd be in the middle of trying to discern which was indeed their arse and which might be their elbow, or struggling to keep track of a large amount of figures, and my question would either infuriate them with my carefree free time attitude, or cause them to have a brain fart where they'd have to start over. And then, of course, it was a matter of pride not to accept my offer.

A while later, it was noticed that I had too much time on my hands, and I was given the job of couriering documents between the two offices, about a twenty minute drive to the next town. No way was I going to sign up to their appalling offer of mileage allowance, so instead I got given a Smart car (company car that nobody had chosen, I suppose), a credit card for "FUEL ONLY" and sent on my merry way.

Thing was, nobody actually notified the other office when I was sent out, and handling paperwork or waiting for the manager to come back so I could deliver "in person" was known to take up to an hour, more if he was on lunch. The number of times I used the little Smart to pick up stuff from the supermarket I lost count of. The fuel card could be used for chocolate and crisps from the non-itemising petrol station (sure, a longer drive away, but I wasn't paying for it!).

Best of all, though, was just before I got the sack. By timing things right on a Friday, I could keep the company car - insured, fuelled, and un-needed - for the whole weekend. I'd just carry a brown envelope out of whichever building I'd finished in at half past 4, and it was assumed I was heading back to the other office.

By this point, I'd been working there for over a year, and with the extra duties got £12.50 and hour. Add in the copious amounts of Lion Bars, Smarties and those crinkly crisps, and it was a pretty sweet deal. No pun intended.

Length? Was able to pull off taking the car for the weekend for about two months before someone noticed and I was shown the door.
(jellybeanflicker Jesus was Korean, but there he was Cho Sun Wun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 17:27, Reply)