Princess "Horseface" Anne
Came to visit where I was working once. It was up in the Lake District in a little business park near Whitehaven. It was a right royal pain. Firstly, it was at the height of the I Run Away's bombing campaign so security was as tight as a ducks arse. They even banned cars from the site so everyone had to park about a mile away and walk up a huge hill to get to work. Secondly, the bosses went mental about cleaning everything and making things spotless for the visit. So much so that they even banned us from using the toilets in case we left a floater for her to see.

Anyway, eventually Her Royallness arrived and the chosen few were taken to see her for a bit of being looked down on. For some reason I wasn't chosen (wonder why) and I was banned to the server room and told not to come out on pain of death until she was gone. As I was stuck with nothing to do, I opened the fire door (turned off alarm first) and went onto the fire escape and whiled away the morning picking my nose, reading a book and smoking until she pissed off and I could get back to my office. Eventually a convoy arrived and I caught my one and only glimpse of her as she was whisked away. Thank fuck for that - I was bursting for a piss! Of course, with her gone the toilets were now open again for us proles and I headed for them with my full bladder looking forward to relieving the pressure. Got there and "Curses!!" Bloody huge queue! Only one thing to do. Outside into the deserted car park and a quick whiz into one of the newly laid flower beds.

So there I was, knob in hand, enough pressure built up to power a turbine and this voice came out of nowhere.

"Piss on me mate and I'll kick you bollocks off"

What the fuck? And then the flower bed in front of me moved and this bloody sniper stood up right in front of me followed by other bushes and assorted greenery suddenly turning into very bored looking soldiers.

Funny old world isn't it?

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 17:03, Reply)