the big one
i'm a bit of an adrenaline junkie, so i love rollercoasters. when the big one opened in blackpool, i knew i had to go on it.
off i toddled, with my cousin, my sister and my nephew. we had a fantastic day, eating seafood and candyfloss, playing in the arcades and going on a buggy ride along the front. soon, however, it was time to ride the coaster.
now, being an utter heiffer at the time, i had a bit of trouble with the safety bar: it wouldn't go down over my boobs.
"no problem," says the ride operator, "we'll sit you in the front seat, it's got a seatbelt."
so i got into the front seat and, after a bit of a struggle, the seatbelt was fastened and the ride was off.
we chugged along the flat bit of track and came to the uphill bit.
*clunk* went the carriage, as it settled onto the pulley-type system.
*click* went my seatbelt, as it came undone.
i was now on one of the biggest and scariest rides in the world, without a seatbelt and with the safety bar flapping freely above my norks. serious brown alert.
i wedged my feet into the sides of the cart and clung on with my hands so tight, i must have left imprints of my fingers in the metal. cresting the top of the slope, i truly thought i was going to die.
fortunately, my impromptu starfish impression was just enough to keep me from falling out of my seat to certain splat on the floor far, far below.
once the ride finished, i got out with very shaky legs. i'd survived! hooray!
the only problem with this is that i'll NEVER be able to top that as a white-knuckle ride.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 14:40, 17 replies)

Sweet Christ I would have shat.

( Major Turd for tonight only, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 14:52, closed)

nearly did
didn't stop me going on it again a year and a diet later
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 14:54, closed)

you would..
if you went on it again and the same thing happened but this time you had boxing gloves on....
( Sallyrsm, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 15:16, closed)

that would be a very short ride
and a very long drop
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 15:19, closed)

See, this is why I hate rollercoasters.
The knowledge that something like this *could* happen is enough to put me off for life.

Plus I'm not an adrenalin junkie.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 12 Jun 2011, 15:17, closed)

that's mostly the reason i love them

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 15:20, closed)

Funny,
it's the reason I hate fat people.

Seriously, though, there was either a serious equipment failure on the ride, or they needed a policy to stop large people riding on it. Either way, I hope something was done.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 18:16, closed)

I once had to sit for three or four whole minutes on the Corkscrew
while some great blubbery mound of humiliation argued that she should be allowed to ride even though it was plain to everybody that her vastness was well beyond anything imagined by the designers of the carriages or the restraints.

The final blow was when she demanded to see the supervisor and the spotty herbert who was asking her to leave said "Fine. But you won't have got any smaller by the time he gets here."
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 18:47, closed)

Zing!
To good to be true, mind.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 19:42, closed)

I suspect this anecdote has benefited from twenty five years of dubious memory.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 20:30, closed)

I find that very hard to believe.
Did you not write it down like the rest of us?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 21:48, closed)

I've had most of it tattooed backwards on my abdomen.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 11:24, closed)

I love them because it couldn't
...shit
( clockworkrat has nice pants, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 4:27, closed)

This story made my hands sweat. I don't know what it makes me not want to do more: go on rollercoasters, or put on weight.
(DBS, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 10:51, closed)

Did you have a word afterwards?
I would have thought that would have warranted an article in The Sun and a decent payout for severe distress.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 11:14, closed)

I had a similar experience on the Mousetrap as a kid.
Only it was due to being too small for the harness and almost falling out of it all the time.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 18:18, closed)

similar experience
on the swinging pirate ship thingy with my bro when we were kids, at the very end (of course) when at the last minute this enormously fat bastard gets on at the end of our row. Now these rides had one bar that dropped down for the entire row, and given that there were only about 2 other people on the entire thing, and that we were quite small, and that he was FUCKING MASSIVE, you'd have thought that he could have gone somewhere else.

Anyway, he didn't, and as soon as he managed to squeeze his hefty arse into the seat, we were off. The bars come down, until they encounter resistance (in this case his gargantuan gut), and the ride starts. Only, with Gigantor on our row, the safety bar was a bit pointless really.

So we clung on for dear life, shooting frequent angry/terrified looks at Lardy McJupitarse, who never looked anything other than bored.

Ride finishes, he waddles off, still looking bored, having never even glanced at us. We can't move for a bit, as muscles are aching from having been tensed so hard.

Saw him later in the day, and thought about going and having a word, but he was shovelling down a light snack, and was rather scared of getting too close, lest we get sucked in too.
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:13, closed)