Boiling A Baby
For a long time I harboured a fantasy about boiling a baby slowly to death, and one day I got to act out this fantasy, only to be disappointed.

Obtaining the baby was the easy part. If you go to the right places, the poorest estates with the highest levels of drug use, such a thing is no problem and not even that expensive.

In my basement, I set up a large electric element and procured an industrial cooking pot from a local hotel, big enough for my purposes. As the baby slept in its cot, I turned the element on, as I did not want to plunge the baby straight into cold water and distress it. Its distress, and its agonising death, would come later. Lush!

Eventually the chloroform wore off and the baby woke up. It immediately began to cry so I fed it some warm milk and put a video of the Teletubbies on to placate it. Once it had calmed down I took it and placed it, naked, gently into the lukewarm water, making reassuring sounds to it.

Then I turned the heat right up.

Baby seemed to enjoy its bath time at first, splashing around and laughing. It was interesting to note its reactions. When the water became too hot it began to cry, and as the temperature increased it began to jerk about as if electrocuted. When boiling point drew near it began to shriek most thrillingly, a piercing sound I did not think it possible for a human baby to produce. One lives and learns.

Unfortunately as the water boiled steam obscured my view of the baby's death throes, though I was able to hear its voice dissolve into a kind of drawn out warbling gargle which subsided into the bubbling of the water as it died.

I was disappointed however as the experience didn't excite me as much as I'd thought it would. I barely even got semi on.

So it was with a heavy heart that I fished the blistered remains of the baby out of the water and sold it to the Chinese takeaway next door.

Lesson learned, fantasies are best left as just that, fantasies in the mind, not acted out for real.

Oh and for those of you upset that I killed a baby, don't worry it had cancer and would have died soon anyway. And if you are still upset, don't worry, it was ginger and deserved to die.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 19:20, 12 replies)

Capaldi spoilers alert

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 19:23, closed)

The new series is well dark

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 19:36, closed)

This storyline is why they moved it to the 8pm slot

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 17 Feb 2014, 19:43, closed)

get THE FUCK back into character
Please
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Tue 18 Feb 2014, 0:26, closed)

Did you successfully extract the Baby Oil?

(squigbobble existed, Tue 18 Feb 2014, 9:02, closed)

DUH
you have to crush them to get the oil

boiling them you get eau de toilette du bébé that you can use to trap nonces
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 18 Feb 2014, 13:45, closed)

Excellent knowledge.

(squigbobble existed, Tue 18 Feb 2014, 14:48, closed)

I always suspected that you were best not left alone with small children
but not in this way.
(cs1ca, Tue 18 Feb 2014, 18:59, closed)

Might just post a link to this story to mailonline, see if I can't cause a few upsets

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 18 Feb 2014, 19:29, closed)

It will be in good company
Mucho baby death to wank over

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2562020/Police-seize-family-dog-baby-killed-Wales.html
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 18 Feb 2014, 20:06, closed)

And talking of dogs
I once had a fantasy about wiring up a metal egg-whisk to the mains and sliding it slowly up a whippet's ass, but I haven't got time to post the full 'shocking' (arf!(do you see what I did there?) do you see what I did there?) story.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 18 Feb 2014, 20:21, closed)

You would have to remove the Mods finger before you inserted the whisk

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 19 Feb 2014, 11:37, closed)