Once upon a time, there was a board full of stories and hope
But, one day, the evil, evil trolls stumbled across it as they marauded over the Internet.

It is told, that they did not know they were trolls, and were really just people who had never known love or the feeling of being accepted in their local and with the calls of "dickhead" ringing in their ears had set out from many places in their virtual Honda Accords of justice, to find a place they might call their own.

And so it came to pass that on one fateful day, the virtual Honda's converged upon a shady (with a twist of lime) corner of the inter webs in synchronicity as was foretold in the book of Rob's. It was truly a dark day when they came together, like a boys school, pleasuring themselves to a single 1980's copy of Razzle, the unrestrained repressed sexual violence they brought upon that collection of naive electronic surfers was a horror we doubt the universe will see again.

The trolls they were clever and did not spring into the light but, spread their evil in whispers and half truths from the shadows. The first to suffer at their hands was the noble Tribe of Mod, who had protected this place with their truth and virtue, but were brought asunder with tales of canine molestation. Then like dew drops in the summer sun, we saw the destruction of the great houses of Spimf, Hood Butter, Legless and Spanky Hanky and we despaired when the not so great house of Smash Monkey fell to the dark side. Some though greatly diminished stayed strong, and fought the trolls in the valiant yet futile act of Trolling the Trolls, even though it cost them dearly in salt water pools and pissed upon mouths.

A dark prophet arose, a keeper of the false archives, and even though he had lurked from the shadows for many a year, his humorous persona of fat spouses and rutting rodents had allowed him to grow strong and draw others to his side until, the legend of AB became the god of false witness.

In the final Shambolic days of this once virtuous place in cybertropolis it became the fashion for the last remaining contributors to nonce upon the otters who used to run wild and the final descent into the fire walls and paid subscriptions began.

Oh from where will a saviour rise to save these fine boards?

Length: about 12 years

TL:DR - that's what fucked it for everyone

This is the word of the boards, praise be to mods.

Cheers.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 14:35, 40 replies)

* despaired

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 14:50, closed)

+ Razzle.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:18, closed)

+ descent

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:20, closed)

+ no fucking clue how to use punctuation or an apostrophy correctly.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:22, closed)

^fail right there

(Dr Doctor Can't you see I'm burning burning?, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:39, closed)

Damn, and I can't even ninja-edit it now.
:(
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:41, closed)

But, you are still correct
I'm not clever
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:32, closed)

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:02, closed)

^rubbish at internet

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:09, closed)

hahaha
totally leaving that there
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:15, closed)

About right

(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:11, closed)

Yet ANOTHER fucking crybaby with a WAAAAAAAHHHH!!! /TALK ARE MEAN!!! story.
Also: Learn to fucking spell, you retarded fuck-knuckle.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:17, closed)

Would I get a QI alarm for using the word 'upset'?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:27, closed)

*KLAXONS*

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:03, closed)

PHWOAR

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:52, closed)

^ needs to watch the episode 'Knees and Knockers' - you idiunt.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 9:00, closed)

Typed on a keyboard broken by the blows of fists and short-circuited by tears.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:36, closed)

See above
Good guess though
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:23, closed)

oh do shut up, you whining noob prat

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:02, closed)

^showing rare example of restraint

(Dr Doctor Can't you see I'm burning burning?, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:03, closed)

not really
I'm only pointlessly rude when it's pointless. When people are genuinely too much of a fucking crybaby to be allowed on the internet then I can rarely summon more than pity
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:08, closed)

Hahahahahahahaha, "when people are genuinely too much of a fucking crybaby to be allowed on the internet"
Self-awareness isn't your strong suit, is it?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:18, closed)

go and put optimus prime up some slag's bumhole
you hideous waste of skin
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:22, closed)

Haha, you make a joke about one whinging crybaby and another one comes along straight away

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:25, closed)

haha, you're AMAZING.
don't go changing.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:27, closed)

He would Janet
But your bumhole is too busy being used to voice your opinions
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:29, closed)

OH MAN IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE YOU ARE IMPLYING I TALK OUT OF MY BUMHOLE.
brilliant.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:31, closed)

Mr Kettle, I'd report that Mr Pot for racially abusing you if I were you.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:14, closed)

why is this soppy little herbert still replying to me twenty times a week?
does he fancy me or summat?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 23:04, closed)

It's because you've got the whole Optimus Prime, father figure thing going on.
So yes, probably.
( gone, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 23:38, closed)

I preferred old hipster wannabe nerdgrot emvee
this new whiny puppydog emvee is dull as owt
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 7:51, closed)

or a half hearted wank
with your small penis
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:28, closed)

it's barely even worth the effort of jamming electrodes up my arse to get the rancid little worm semi-stiff these days

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 18:14, closed)

Point of order
I think you'll find I have posted here longer than you.

Just with less frequency and repressed bursting knob blister rage

Edit-this seems to be attached to the wrong fan comment, extra points if you can guess correctly to which it really belongs.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:43, closed)

I had stories on the front page of this ridiculous qftw shithole five years before you even signed up to b3ta, you dopey noob twat.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:56, closed)

I doubt the validity of your statement
Please provide proof
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:16, closed)

Are you pretending to be thick here? I don't get it.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:17, closed)

Pretending? Anyway, you seem to be on Goering's trail
Say it enough and it becomes fact.

We looked for proof and can find nothing more than a childishly drawn cartoon with no point.

Until you do, I now point the finger of noob upon you.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:30, closed)

there's a story in my profile from 2005 ... how shit at the internet are you?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:36, closed)

^ LIES ON THE INTERNET ^

(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:43, closed)

Yes, hide away noob!
you have no currency here with your lies and deception
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 1:20, closed)

Be fair
Somehow your profile is a pictogram, so it is really hard to tell what you did in 2005.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 2:22, closed)

A shield for his pure lies

(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 3:34, closed)

yerr ... it's well hard to turn off css in people's profiles innit lol

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 7:52, closed)

wake up to yourself mate
I can barely spell css, let alone manipulate it.

and no, it does not make you cool that you can.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 7:58, closed)

You're missing some hilarious stuff, like this gem from 2005:
First meeting with french in-laws I was galantly carrying all the luggage for me and the missus. This caused me to stumble when going in for the gallic kiss on the cheek and soundly headbutt her mother.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 8:27, closed)

Hahahaha that is pretty awesome.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 9:46, closed)

the golden years when regulars from the real boards posted short anecdotes
I say 'years' ... I think it lasted about six weeks.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 9:52, closed)

Can I just mention my seniority here?
Thanks.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 10:13, closed)

totally
in fact you should probably demand that we all pay you homage
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 10:26, closed)

Doesn't everyone already?
Hop to it, bitches!
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 10:48, closed)

Hahahahahahahaha
Not upset, definitely not
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:58, closed)

you just know he is going to do an overnight delete

(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 1:21, closed)

I've only ever deleted fairholme threads and he's sadly departed rip alwrz in are hart's

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 8:31, closed)

Hahaha, you are a fantasist aren't you?
You deleted a thread with me the other week just because you were losing, you massive crybaby twat
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 10:17, closed)

you know how 95% of your posts are replies to me telling me that I'm upset?
that's probably a good indication that you should take some time out from the internet and pull yourself together, eh?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 10:32, closed)

I think it's a good indication that you shouldn't get so upset all the time

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:58, closed)

They don't put /qotw stories on the front page, Doc.
Unless you put together the greatest TOAP that this website has ever seen, I suppose.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 23:16, closed)

Appropriate for the qotw though
if only we could vote replies to win etc
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 23:31, closed)

Meta.
This /qotw is too deep, for me.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 23:35, closed)

can't tell if you're pretending to be dim or not, soz

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 7:56, closed)

Winning at /qotw is...
... nothing like winning, at all.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 9:06, closed)

god you're such a bully some times
any minute now I'm going to be upset online because emvee will say so
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 9:32, closed)

I do hope so.
It's so rare that anyone ever gets upset at me.
How long should I wait before threatening your children and getting myself stepped?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 10:32, closed)

I think you need to post pictures of your own family first to prove how happy you are.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 10:58, closed)

I dropped my camera in my saline pit.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:16, closed)

i hate you and i wish you were dead.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:14, closed)

^showing usual amount of non-restraint

(Dr Doctor Can't you see I'm burning burning?, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:18, closed)

^ totally implying that The LOVELY Janet is shamelessly jiggling.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:23, closed)

*pocket billiards*

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:31, closed)

*jiggles*

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:32, closed)

:D

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:33, closed)

You're not the first to say that
I doubt you will be the last
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:40, closed)

www.ihateyouandihopeyoudie.com

( gone, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 23:43, closed)

FEAR AND WORRRY NOT
O benighted denizens of beleagured B3ta!

FOR

*I*

AM THAT SAVIOUR OF WHICH BAD ADVICE DOTH SPAKEN.

I, Doctor Skagra, sweeties!

For lo, behold, gadzooks, begorrah, xorxes orks, zygantes and ostrich clit beholden, every week I shaltt post wondrous stories of my deerring doo in ALL of my 9 (I think) incarnatoins throughoutt Time and Spaz.

SO REJOICE! REJOICE UPON HIGH AND LOW AND MID!

FOR I AM DOCTOR SKAGRA AND I AM CUM

MMMMMWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 17:13, closed)

*Sighs heavily*
( Ken Oath, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:45, closed)

Yes it is sad that everyone can't be lovely to each other on here. Have you tried fucking off to mumsnet?
*may not have bothered to read past the second line of your post
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 18:43, closed)

Wha?
...but they're much worse.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 18:58, closed)

It is often thought that the less intelligent amongst us
Do spew forth their opinions without any real understanding then grow up to be commenters for the Daily Mail
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:45, closed)

'forth', you thick cunt

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:52, closed)

Gigity gig

(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:45, closed)

Hurrah
Of this missive I approve
( rofl harris, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 19:30, closed)

Complains about others not contributing and 'ruining' things doesn't actually post a story ^^^^^

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:15, closed)

Wow, for a comedy website
You're taking it pretty seriously.

Do you need the irony explained, or would you prefer to just point and shout without any real understanding?

Please don't call my boss
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:47, closed)

I'll be honest here, I've had the shits all day and may not be at full tilt.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:56, closed)

Poor badge
Everyone stop what they're doing time for a group hug
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:18, closed)

Not too tight, It'll be like a shitty cake icer.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:25, closed)

I get it. Would you like a nice cup of tea and a biscuit?

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:16, closed)

Yes please
And lashings of ginger beer if you have it
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:48, closed)

I have a whip.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 7:04, closed)

We'll make do then

(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 8:00, closed)

I don't get it now - you are having a Interweb bloo bloo breakdown. No cup of tea or biscuit.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:12, closed)

Hey, at least there's still a glimmer of a pulse left in this place.
Look at the state of /board now that EVERYBODY CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO CONTRIBUTE, it's basically just the same 4 people rimming each other's internet bumholes these days.
(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:31, closed)

Is NO-ONE going to try and claim that Bad Advice is actually trolling here?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:41, closed)

I resent that
I am being a fantasist, relating how I remember the fall of QOTW.

I'm not clever enough to troll
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:50, closed)

I think he's throwing a mini fairholme.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:57, closed)

He must have arms like a Russian shot-putter.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:34, closed)

Like a babies arm holding an apple
No, wait, that's my knob
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:46, closed)

A big round green end with a worm in it?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 23:22, closed)

I didn't realise we had met

(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 0:10, closed)

you married him

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 8:39, closed)

This is the highest number of fan comments something I posted ever got
I am so happy
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:53, closed)

Basically flogging a dead dog

( Harpago ¯\(°_o)/¯, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 23:25, closed)

dog otter
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 0:06, closed)

logging ingering
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 8:47, closed)