I've been in two fights in my life, and I kicked ass in both of them.
They both happened within a day of each other.

In my last year of high school, we would often have debates about various subjects in my creative writing class. One day it was abortion, which sparked a lively debate, and once the class was over (it was the last class of the day) some of my friends and I sat together on the bus and continued talking about it.

Behind us were two girls, about fifteen years old - lots of makeup, really annoying, you know the type. I hear one of them say to the other very loudly, "God, why do they have to talk about such stupid stuff?"

I turn around to her and say, "Why, because we're not talking about what we're going to wear to school tomorrow or what boys we like?"

She says, I swear to God, "Well, at least that's INTERESTING." Gah.

So we go back to ignoring them, and we all go home.

The next morning, we're on the bus, and sure enough, those same two stupid girls are sitting behind us. So, to mock them, we started having our our stereotypical stupid girl conversation. "Oh my GOOOOD, I have SUCH a crush on Billy, he's a dreamboat, he's a boat of dreams, oh my lord, makeup shoes boys" etc etc.

We get to school, and as I'm about to walk into the building, one of the fifteen year old girls grabs me. She's acting all tough all of a sudden.

"Were you making fun of me?!" she demanded.
"I think it's pretty obvious that I was making fun of you, yes," I said.
"You're such a bitch, no one makes fun of me."
"I think I just did, so I'll see you later," I answered, making to go into the school, but she grabbed me again.
"Come on, let's go," she says.

Now, I'm three years older than this girl and easily six inches taller than her, so it doesn't even occur to me that she wants to fight.

"Go...where?"
"Let's fight!" Seriously. She said this.
"Let's... fight?" Again, I couldn't comprehend the idea that she thought she could beat me up.
"Yeah, come on, you fucking bitch."

I look her up and down, kinda roll my eyes, and I'm like, "Seriously?"
"COME ON!" she yells, so I roll my eyes again and say, "Fine, okay, let's go."

Now, you'd think that a girl who was so gung-ho to fight would, you know, ACTUALLY want to fight. But this girl goes to grab my hair.

Please. If I'm fighting, I'm not fighting like a fucking pansy.

So I decked her in the face.

Down she goes, screaming and yelling. I roll my eyes and go to class. Amazingly, I never got called into the office or got in any trouble for it.

The next day, I'm leaving school to go home, and HILARIOUSLY, her little buddy shows up, looking for revenge. Again, I'm three years older than her, and while she's taller than her friend, I've still got three or four inches on her.

"Did you not see what happened to your friend?" I asked. I wasn't trying to be threatening - I was mostly annoyed that they were bothering me when I wanted to go home and take a nap.

"You fucking bitch" - which is apparently the only insult those cuntscabs can think of - "Nobody hurts my friends, I am going to kick the shit out of you."

Ugh. Again, I roll my eyes, sigh in resignation, and say, "Gah, FINE."

Now, you'd think that 1) a girl who was so gung-ho to fight, and 2) a girl who SAW HOW I FIGHT THE DAY BEFORE would know what kind of fight she would be getting into and would act accordingly.

Her opening move? TRYING TO GRAB MY HAIR.

So, with an extreme feeling of deja vu, I decked her in the face. And down she goes. I pick up my backpack and get on the bus to sit with my friends, who are all either pissing themselves laughing or totally in shock that both of those morons were so clueless.

Neither of them ever bothered me again, and I have yet to be in a fight since.

Fucking skunts.
(Katanma sleep enthusiast, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 0:37, closed)