If it bleeds, we can kill it.
I'm thankful to this particular QOTW for allowing me to express my unashamedly enthusiastic love for a film that I've been completely obsessed with since I saw it 15 years ago. Here's 8 reasons why I love Predator.

1) The alien.

Pretty obvious this but you just look at it! It's got dreadlocks for Christ's sake. Like some sort of future ragga overlord.

It also has stealth camoflague, huge retractable blades, in built first aid kid, infrared vision, a shoulder mounted plasma cannon and a mini nuclear self destruct system as standard. It even has an audio sampler!!! Most importantly though it has mandibles. Proper realistic looking, non-CGI mandibles that spread out when he does his shit-scary war-cry type thing. It is a beast, the sortof being you have proper nightmares about.

2) Arnie.

Looking at the Predator's impressive stats they could easily have built a decent film around the alien itself with the other actors being pretty much superflous. But instead we have Arnold Schwarzenegger. The very fact that a proper mentalist like Arnie only barely survives and ends up looking like dog-chewed rag doll just goes to show how double-hard the Predator is. Pure genius.

3) Old painless.

Best gun ever. There's a scene in the film which is basically this gun leveling an entire section of forest. This is both awesome and an environmentalist's nightmare.

4) The gore.

I was 6 when I first watched the telly-friendly cut version of Predator. I recorded it off the television and watched it so much that the tape wore out. For my 7th birthday my Mum bought me Predator 1 and 2 on video not realising they were uncut. When I first saw the skinned soldiers I pretty much shat myself and by the time Dillons arm had been blown off I was in pre-teen gore heaven. Obviously this looks abit tame these days but back then it was the coolest, sickest thing ever and way better than any proper horror films.

5) The one liners.

Every line in this whole film makes me grin. It is perfect. No wasted dialog, no pointless drama. Every word is uttered at first to make the commandos seem like the most incredible bunch of double-hard bastards and then to make the Predator seem twice as hard as them. Almost every sentence in the script could be used as a tagline and that's the way action cinema should work.

6) The gunfight.

Near the start of the film the commandos pretty much start (and finish) what could only be described as a small war. Buildings blow up, a helicopter blows up, men run around on fire, Arnie impales some guy against a wall, bad guys go flying over cliffs. It's basically the best thing ever.

7) The wide angle shot firework display.

If I was told I could only ever watch another minute of film before I had to die, this would be it. The most beautiful, awe-inspiring piece of cinema ever made. Mid way through Predator and Arnie's showdown, the Predator goes apeshit and stands on a log-bridge firing his plasma cannon all over the place inadvertently putting on the best firework display on earth. Everytime I watch this my jaw hits the floor even after all these years.

8) Everything else... the arm wrestle, the pussy jokes, the scorpion, Mac's psychological breakdown, Arnie's war-cry, the music... just everything.

So that's my well balanced critique of Predator. It's a shame that they ruined the franchise by combining it with the Alien in the modern shit-fests but the original film will always be untouchable as the ultimate action/scifi/horror film of all time ever.
(Mr Eraserhead Why aren't you a lemon?, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:52, 9 replies)

YES!!!
Arnie was awesome in that flick as was Jesse Ventura and Carl (Appollo Creed) Weathers - good man!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:56, closed)

Great film
Great film, love the review. (click)
(sewer urchin wants a hug, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:59, closed)

5)
You got to get to da choppa!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 17:02, closed)

also 5)
Stick around!

My personal favourite arnie one liner comes from Commando, when he kills Bennet with a pipe and goes "hey, let of some steam".
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 17:22, closed)

on the subject of chewing tobacco
"why do you chew that stuff?"
"son, chewing this stuff will make you a god damn sexual tyranosaur"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 18:06, closed)

+1 Vote

( cupboardy, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 20:02, closed)

Do it! Kill me!
I'm right heeyuh! Kill me! Do it noooow!
( Mr.Ons knows you can hear him, Earthmen., Fri 18 Jul 2008, 1:05, closed)

Indeed
It was also the first film I seen on a Home Cinema setup in Widescreen and in Dolby Pro Logic surround.

Bloody awesome film. I concour, good sir!
(Panteneman Isn't entirely sure why he bothered on, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:04, closed)

One liners
You're absolutely right. My personal favourite is:

Poncho: You're bleeding, man.
Blain: I ain't got time to bleed.

How stoic! How manly! How butch! Jesse Ventura is everything I aspire to be, and more.

Apart from being a racist bigot Republican. Or is that a tautology?
(Rotten_Cointreau is a proper scientician, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 12:51, closed)