Just turn on your TV...
1) The episode in each series of Masterchef where they wheel in the critics. I realise it's their job to, y'know, criticise food and that, but fuck my shed they react to an undercooked sprout the way most of us would react if we came home to find Nick Griffin and David Starkey bumming our pets in order of size. I remember a couple of years back, one critic moaning out of their slapped-arse face "This sauce is making me really angry". Now, I don't know what makes you really angry - Maybe poverty? Perhaps corruption? Possibly injustice? Whatever it is, you're doing it wrong. What should really get your blood boiling is a free lunch where the ketchup's the wrong colour. That fucking ketchup.
2) Every other advert these days seems to be offering us solutions for the most appalling first-world conditions under which we suffer. "Isn't it annoying when you stop noticing your air-freshener?" Sweet Jesus, sometimes it's so annoying I just want to end it all. "Well now there's a three-in-one air-freshener that changes fragrance every 45 minutes!" Brilliant! Call off the police negotiators, I'm coming down off the roof of my own accord. Now if someone could just add another blade to my razor, I'll release a hostage too.
(costas, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 23:19, 15 replies)

And god help us
If we should actually have to touch a soap dispenser to get soap out and wash our hands. We might get hand aids! In our own houses.
I wish someone would invent a non contact soap dispenser to stop all the hand aids deaths.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 23:27, closed)

No, you've got it ALL wrong.
What we actually need is non-contact soap.

( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 23:31, closed)

Ha!
Don't get me started on the hands-free soap-dispenser. My daughter's going through a germ-paranoia phase at the moment (watching her attempt to lift the kitchen bin lid with her foot is particularly hilarious). She asked for a hands-free soap dispenser for Christmas. "They're great!" she told me. "You don't get germs on your hand from touching the soap pump!"

I did make a foolhardy attempt to explain the flaw in this logic. I tried to patiently talk her through the process. "OK, so worst case scenario, you touch the soap pump, and it's crawling with germs. Caked with bacteria. And they all get on your hand. WHAT WAS THE NEXT THING YOU WERE GOING TO DO??? DIRECTLY AFTER PRESSING DOWN THE SOAP PUMP TO DISPENSE SOME SOAP??? WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT SOAP ANYWAY???"

Apparently that's not the point.
(costas, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 0:30, closed)

I did post something about this a couple of weeks ago.
But Search doesn't seem to be being friendly.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 2 Mar 2012, 7:31, closed)

no I didnt

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 2 Mar 2012, 7:50, closed)

Oh but I did.
Welcome to duality and the Multiple Personality Club.
So says you.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 2 Mar 2012, 8:11, closed)

It annoys me too.
All it makes me think is "How shit is your anti-bacterial soap if it can't even remove the germs from it's own fucking dispenser?"
( Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 11:06, closed)

This QOTW in a fucking nutshell.
"just the right blend of the serious and frivolous,
confident and stylish,
taking care of business"

Wins.
Click.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 23:28, closed)

quite right too
Nick Griffin and David Starkey should obviously bum our pets with no regard to size when selecting the order

clicky though
(weaselinajetengine, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 0:36, closed)

This is all lies, clearly
He admits to having an Accord, and he sits on the roof of it!
See! At the end, he admits it himself. "I'm coming down off the roof of my own accord"
I bet he has sex with supermodels too
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 0:47, closed)

On the bright side
This sort of shit is what makes me watch a whole lot less telly & be a whole lot more constructive elsewhere.
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 1:03, closed)

Nah. I want to see the Dr./Lawyer poofta couple from Masterchef
Kill and prepare one of the contestants on The Biggest Loser, Survivor/Heston-style.
That or watch something on abc or sbs.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 2 Mar 2012, 7:03, closed)

The Hairy Bikers would do it better

(Mr Fudge It shouldn't be illegal to have sex with an eagle, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 12:52, closed)

I'm trying to think what would make me more angry.
Would it be worse if Griffin and Starkey were working in descending order and leaving my smallest pets for last? Or would it be a greater atrocity if they were building up to bumming my Labrador, knowing that he'd already witnessed the horrific fate that was soon to befall him? It's a tough call.
( ThisCaledonianClown has left it far too late, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 6:55, closed)

Couldn't agree more!
I happened to watch an episode of Come Dine With Me a few weeks ago... not really my thing, although the narrator's quite amusing.

Anyway, one of the guests, in their review of the host's meal, said "And her cushions were really naff, I didn't like the way she'd furnished the lounge at all"
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 12:41, closed)