The Greengrocer's Daughter
When I was 18, I used to date a girl named Sarah, 21. Her father Bert was a greengrocer and a thoroughly nice chap and her mother Lucy was a very attractive lady and very welcoming. However, they probably wouldn't have been so friendly if they knew what Sarah and I got up to with some of Bert's produce.
Now, as I was still relatively young and a bit of an amateur when it came to sex, some of the things Sarah did shocked me a little to say the least. Highlights of our relationship included:

- Sarah using leeks as a makeshift dildo. Not just 1, a whole bundle of them, held in position with an elastic band. After climax, she'd lay exhausted and sweaty with leeks protruding from her spam purse, sticking out in all directions. I used to call her 'The Praying Mantis' when she was in this position as it looked like she had some extra green legs.

- She asked me whip her with runner beans. I felt a bit weird doing this, mainly because she'd hang a couple of turnips (tied in place by their stalks) to my scrotum and they'd dangle about like some sort of ball-bag tumour. I'd then have to have anal sex with her and push a turnip into her quim. She really got off on this

- I made some anal beads using 5 radishes and some nylon string. Getting them into her back passage wasn't a problem, her sphincter seemed to lap them up, as if it was swallowing them. The problem occured when one end of the string came untied and one radish got left behind as I pulled the Rampant Radish(TM) out. Watching her poo the remaining radish out will stay with me forever - It was like a baby's head crowning at first, and then it shot out at force and rolled across the bed. She let out a sigh in relief.

- She would make us dress as Adam and Eve. We'd wear cabbage leaves over our privates and she'd have huge mushrooms covering her nipples.After taking a bite from an apple she'd have to punish herself. This was done by me - my gutstick was the serpent and she'd suck me into oblivion.

I'm sure I'll remember a few more of her kinks.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Fri 7 Aug 2009, 10:09, 6 replies)

Urmmm
You kinda changed the name from sarah to lucy halfway through the first paragraph.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Fri 7 Aug 2009, 10:21, closed)

so strange - it could be true
wasnt that her mothers name ?
(Madmont, Fri 7 Aug 2009, 11:11, closed)

It is now...
Must have edited it
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Fri 7 Aug 2009, 11:17, closed)

wow
just.... wow
(likeajackhammer, Fri 7 Aug 2009, 10:42, closed)

Was the turnip
shaped like a thingie?
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Fri 7 Aug 2009, 11:01, closed)

*slaps*
Wicked Child
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Fri 7 Aug 2009, 11:42, closed)