entrepreneurial
As a youth, I was quite the money maker. I'd spend my weekends washing people's cars, clearing up leaves and generally doing odd jobs for cash. Then I hit upon my golden goose.

She was a dementia sufferer called Dorothy - about 90 years old and with a huge house. My first job for her was weeding her huge garden for four hours, but by the time I'd finished the job she'd forgotten who I was and thought I might be her grandson. I got 20p and a 14-year-old digestive for that work - but it gave me an idea.

The next weekend, I turned up and knocked on the door telling her that I'd just re-tiled her roof and she owed me two grand. She paid me in cash from a stash under her bed and I gave her a 'receipt' (an old Quavers crisp packet, which I took back later while she was watching Countdown.)

I spent some of the the money on pornographic material and alcohol, and thereafter spent most Saturdays in her shed whacking away - before telling her I'd replaced the guttering/painted the windows/installed a solarium etc. in return for an inflated cash payment.

After some time, I was becoming quite wealthy, but she appeared to have no relatives and I was under no suspicion. Once, she came into the shed and found me balls-deep in a honeydew melon, but I told her I was inflating her football and she staggered away to get me £50 for the privilege. Happy days!

I made £23,000 over the space of that year while doing nothing at all. Only once did she ever question my 'work' - when I charged her £500 for installing a greenhouse that didn't exist. I got out of that one by telling her the glass was cleaned so perfectly that it was effectively invisible. After that, she just paid up.

She died in 1988, just before I did my GCSEs. I don't know if she left a will, but the house stands empty still and I smile fondly whenever I look at that shed.
(frankspencer, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 15:01, 6 replies)

hehehe
I hope this isnt true :)
(Miggyman, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 15:45, closed)

frank
You're a loveable old rogue, so you are.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 5 Aug 2008, 15:48, closed)

I got worried
when she caught you "balls-deep in a honeydew". I thought you were going to digress into all manner of vile granny-grott obscenities and womble-buggery.

Frankly, I'm disappointed.
;-)

*click*
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 16:22, closed)

You were missed
We don't get this type of filth when you're away. SO don't go away again, y'hear?
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 21:07, closed)

Class
As always
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 22:33, closed)

Frankspencer
Gotta love him :)
Click.
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 9:09, closed)