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This is a question God

Tell us your stories of churches and religion (or lack thereof). Let the smiting begin!

Question suggested by Supersonic Electronic

(, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 15:00)
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Sexy Nun
Back in January it was my girlfriend Liz's birthday. I found myself down in Soho and accidentally went into a sex shop, as you do.

I was quite happily scanning through the skin flicks, sex aids, mags and lubes when the fella behind the counter looked up and asked if I needed any help.

"Just browsing," I said, as I picked up a copy of Hot Butts and started *ahem* reading.

The fella shot me a disgusted look and said: "This isn't fucking Waterstones, mate."

I shrugged and carried on with my *ahem* study. Then I looked up and saw it. It was as if the clouds had parted and a shaft of pure, iridescent light shone down from heaven, shot from God's very own index finger as he sat on a cloud munching grapes, basking it in a lovely, godly glow. There may even have been harps playing and a chorus of angels going: "Ahhhh-AA-Ahhhh-AA-Ahhhhhhhhh!"

I walked over and picked it up off the shelf, went over to the counter, and purchased the fucker.

Liz is gonna fucking love this! I thought.

Later that evening after I've made Liz a birthday meal, taken her out for some birthday pints (I'm full of fucking class, me), and given her her other boring presents, I pull 'the ultimate gift' from my bag and hand it over with a big beaming smile.

"There you go, angel," I say, "I love you."

And Liz looks at the box and smiles back at me.

"A sexy nun outfit?" she asks, she starts laughing her wicked sex laugh. "Wanna take it for a test drive?"

REEEEEEE-SSSSS-UUUUU-LLLLL-TTTTT !!!

And, if I do say so myself, this was the sexiest fucking outfit in the world ever. We're talking slinky black mini dress, sluty black stockings, a peephole bra, tiny black briefs that you could swallow if you wern't careful, a rather cheeky little wimple, and even a little crucifix on a chain.

Now, being a Catholic boy the mere concept of a sexy nun outfit gave me the raging horn. Actually having one in my clammy hands and knowing I was going to use it with the woman I love, well, I very nearly had a stroke on the spot.

Moments later, a little bit drunk and incredibly horny, we're getting down to some serious full assault, horny, grinding, pumping, screaming, squelching, hooting fucking - making use of the sexy nun outfit.

God, it made me feel so fucking naughty. It really was fucking incredibly. An almost relegious experience, you could say.

"Spanky..."

"Spanky..."

"SPANKY!!!"

I look up from my work. "What, sweetheart?"

Liz has a strange look on her face, she doesn't seem to be enjoying it. "Spanky, it's not doing anything for me."

Fuck!

Liz can see I'm crestfallen. I stop mid thrust and sort of hang round on top of her, looking pissed off.

"Sorry," I mumble, sounding like a big fucking child who's just had his box of toys taken away.

Liz strokes my hair and says: "You know what. It might work better if I wear the outfit..."
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 9:21, closed)
arf-olympics
I have to say I did see it coming but you carfted it so well I enjoyed it just as much as if I hadn't.
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 9:25, closed)
Spanky, you've done it again...
...*clicks*
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 9:27, closed)
ah that was pure heaven to read
great story ! *clicks*
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 9:31, closed)
...
Chortle... nicely done sir
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 9:38, closed)
I have a couple of nun costumes left over from a stag night







that is all
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 9:38, closed)
Ha!
Thanks for the proper lol!
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 9:40, closed)
clicks
from me, Mr Hanky!
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 10:04, closed)
I actually didn't see that coming
maybe it's too early.. I haven't woken up yet.
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 10:10, closed)
I'm still ever so slightly munted from last night
Consequently I didn't see it coming, so I got the full force right between the eyes.

And I loved it.

*click*
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 10:10, closed)
Fantastic.
I've just collected a new range of odd looks from my colleagues as I chortled far too loudly at that.

*clicks*
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 10:23, closed)
I could be gay for you!!!
fancy some hanky panky Spanky?

*clickety*
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 10:44, closed)
Click
"accidentally went into a sex shop"
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 11:57, closed)
Quality
So much so I had to log in just to clickety click. Top work!
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 12:11, closed)
Nuns eh?

(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:51, closed)
You Sir
Are one hot God bitch.

I'll bring the lube,

You bring the red hot poker.
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:24, closed)
*Click!!!!*
Mightily, and verily!
I didn't see it coming either..
Love the picky Agnostic...
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:15, closed)
Hahahaha!

Cheers for that one, you'll have me chuckling all day now.
(, Sat 21 Mar 2009, 10:15, closed)
Lovely
just lovely
(, Sat 21 Mar 2009, 16:59, closed)

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