All my old cars.
A lot of people love older or classic cars. I think most of them now look dated and shite. Over the years I've moved from Vauxhalls, Rover, MG's on through to Mercedes and BMWs. Every one I bought because I thought they looked fantastic at the time.

Now I look back and just think they look pretty crap compared to the shiny latest models. I am currently driving an 8 year old BMW which I now hate but can't afford to replace at present.

I think the only one that remains timeless is my old Honda Accord that was typically filled with massive drugs.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:32, 12 replies)

Frazzels
Used to love them. I was then sick after i'd just finished eating a packet.

The Baconesque smell is now enough to turn my stomach.
(magictorch, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:20, 5 replies)

Jimmy Saville
Not so keen any more.
(hadr0n Craic whore, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:29, 2 replies)

jelly
used to love it. after 2 weeks of having nothing but jelly to eat, i never want to touch the fucking stuff again.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:17, 8 replies)

So I asked this geezer if he still lived in Brixton and he said "Nah, I've gone norf.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:03, 2 replies)

In no particular order
Peanut butter - I could eat it out of the jar with a spoon, now it's just cloying and gritty, even the good stuff.

Simon's Cat - First few stories were good, more recent ones are no longer entertaining.

Birthdays - No different to any other day really.

Wanking - was brilliant, now just satisfies a craving.

B3ta QOTW - I could read page after page of well written, interesting and proper laugh out loud stories. Now it really is a piss-poor collection of old toss, quips that have less wit than fortune cookies from a pound shop and shit puns on the QOTW title. I remember when the puns wouldn't arrive until at least the Monday afternoon, now it's almost straight away. There are diamonds in the rough, but I can't be arsed to trawl through the dross to find them.

Yeah? Well fuck off.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:00, 3 replies)

My arse has gone off like a flock of sparrows leaving a bush.
Once or twice.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 12:23, 1 reply)

Discovery channel
Used to be about the only thing I watched, but most of it is just made up rubbish and Mythbusters now.

Seems we have gone from documentary, to reality, to fake reality. There's some program about Moonshiners, another about smugglers, one about people who do street racing in their cars, and somethign about a bike gang.

All of them apparently are engaged in illegal activity, so yeah, I'm sure they are just fine with a film crew following them around as they do it.

Load of cobblers.
(username failed moderation, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 12:10, 14 replies)

Working with computers.
I've been programming for fun and profit since I was 11. I'm now 42 and realise that I have very little interest in what I do anymore.

Only problem is I've never really done anything else so have no idea what I can do as an alternative that pays so well.

Pisser.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 12:06, 25 replies)

Emily Booth.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 11:54, 2 replies)

This is quite a sad story, I have gone off cock and ball torture. Everything was fine until
I received a phone call at work. Apparently my wife and catamite had been involved in an horrendous car accident. I was of course, mildly anxious for about 20 seconds and then carried on at work.

Unfortunately, during the afternoon things took a turn for the worse. My wife had pain in the groin. Apparently, my Victorian male chastity belt that I insisted he wore had shifted during the impact of the accident and caused his testicles to haemorrhage. An emergency orchidectomy had to be performed. Tragic, this is the moment that I knew that I would never like cock and ball torture again.

Faced with very little choice, I packed his things and put the possessions into storage that very evening and then told him it was over. Of course, being from the UK it was very beneficial to me as the sole bread earner as I did not have to pay any costs for the separation and after 7 years I call that getting away with it.

What of the catamite? Well, that part wasn't true. As for the ex? Runs a bar in Pattaya specialising in eunuch fantasises.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 10:29, 10 replies)

China
Lived there nearly six years. Loved it for about five. Hated it by the end.

It can be an amazing place to live. It's developing so fast that "Opportunities" by the Pet Shop Boys should be played in every urban centre. The sense of possibility is ripe in the air, both in major cities and smaller towns. (My wife thinks she comes from a village, it only has about 50,000 people and an airport). I met some of the most interesting people ever during my time there, and the work ethic and will to improve on a personal and societal level is remarkable. There is an almost lack of visible crime apart from petty theft in tourist/transport areas. Chinese people are often amazingly hospitable, and it's really easy to make good friends there - so different to the closed-off British mentality.

But SO MANY THINGS SUCK. The correlation of everything developing fast is that everyone is in a rush (to get rich), and they'll push you out the way without a thought. Everybody wants something (usually for nothing) - and so many relationships are transactional: I give you, you give me. Also personal manners are generally terrible - hawking up loogies on the street, pissing in the subway, shitting in elevators, all frequent: a sense of decorum was deemed "bourgeoise" and the older generation in particular is amazingly coarse.

One of the worst aspects is that as a society, nobody trusts anyone. People trust their immediate family, and that's it. The Cultural Revolution was only about forty years ago, with its mass denunciations and terror. Today, nobody trusts anyone if there's a chance that person could benefit from it. All the norms and politenesses you take for granted in a stable society (except, say, Kings Cross, or with smackheads) do not exist. You can't even trust doctors, who will "upsell" lots of pointless medicine.

The most infuriating thing though is the constant opacity. Nothing is transparent. This comes from the top down. The government operates in a cloud, its motivations unknown, its workings hidden. This maximises its room for manoeuvre. And so it goes on all the way down the line - bosses are under no obligation to inform staff of anything, teachers are petty tyrants, parents are godheads to their children. Trying to get information is impossible. Want to know how to register your child for school? Who your supposed "representative" is? What the guidelines are for a visa? What taxes are due for a startup company? What things are forbidden to discuss under censorship? Why was this website blocked, that thing deleted, that company sequestered? Hahaha, good luck!

In the west we've got used to public institutions opening up, and the internet has helped in this process, but this remains anathema to the Chinese. The entire political process/power structure is top-down, not bottom-up. I've never seen people as obsequious before bosses (nor bosses being such utter cunts) as in China. I once was invited to an acquaintance's birthday party; she'd invited her boss, who was some kind of big-shot in mining. When Mr Big arrived she expected us to all make a fuss over him, saying "He's rich, he's a millionaire!" like we should give a fuck. Arse to that.

Lots of political things about China suck, of course - the hukou system practically is apartheid for rural people; you can't own property ("houses" are only a seventy year lease); the healthcare system is an abomination; and people trying to take the constitution seriously, stand for election, hold "officials" to account is a combination farce, tragedy and monstrosity. But the day-to-day quality of life for people is in many ways dreadful. Maybe it will improve, I don't know, but life is too short to spend it furious, so I had to get out.
(McChinaman banned, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 10:09, 29 replies)

After watching Deliverance...
...it was a while before I could eat pork again.
(Joy Division Oven Gloves Death to false metal, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 10:02, Reply)

“This is Samantha Fox”
So declared my mate, sweating heavily next to a tree with a knife in his hand, and gesturing proudly at the long low branch he’d just swung off.
He pointed at a large ‘M’ shape carved in the bark. “These are her tits,” he declared proudly. “And this,” he said, pointing at a scratched-out sappy triangle, “is her fanny.”
“Right-ho” I said. “Now what?”
“Now we fuck her.”
He clambered back up onto the branch, and began humping his crotch against the shaking limb. “It’s brilliant!” he announced as he thrusted. “Come up and have a go!”
I went home, took my Samantha Fox poster down from the wall, and threw it in the bin.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 9:58, 9 replies)

fingering dogs

(alright alright, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 8:49, Reply)

My bins.
We used to be inseparable but nowadays I generally stay about from them.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 8:41, 9 replies)

I have gone off bitchy internet trolls.
I used to love them, but now they are tiresome, like toddlers who always want things their own way.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 8:18, 32 replies)

Lately I've gone off this lumberjack malarkey.
An opportunity's come up to take the high road out of here - it was actually a couple of friends of mine who made me see sense - so I'm packing in the whole trying to make a living in the forest thing. My heart's just not in it any more.

Yrs,
Tin Man
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 8:17, Reply)

The top diving board
At Soundwell leisure centre.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 7:38, Reply)

Kylie Minogue
She used to be the universe. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe because the cancer scare made her songs even fluffier than they had been before. Maybe when she unfriended me on Facebook. Dunno.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 6:47, 3 replies)

People and Places.
Not mine and not even really recent, but.... it fits the brief.

James is a good mate of mine - he was the manager while I coached our kids Tee-ball team a couple of years ago. We used to go fishing most weekends and frequently knocked the top off more than a few beers whilst doing so and afterwards at the pub.
James was an outgoing and ebullient type of guy. Rarely one to dwell on the negative, even when bad shit did happen James always seemed capable of finding a silver lining to the cloud. He was also a great believer in being in charge of ones destiny. None of the namby-pamby new age shit where you realigned your chakras so you could shit straight but just the simple belief that if you relied upon yourself and your abilities then rarely could you go wrong - for that I truly respect him.

Then something seemed to change in James. He became withdrawn and quiet. A lot of the verve in him had just disappeared. Whenever I rang up looking to tee up a play-date (fishing, pub, golf etc.) he'd always be vaguely too busy. If I turned up with a couple of beers he'd have one and then feign tiredness and want to call it a night. At the time I just figured he was busy and wasn't that fussed with me - we'd been friends for a long time and our friendship had endured many circumstances. In this time I later found out that he'd lost his job due to absence and that his marriage had come very close to ending as well.
It culminated one night when James' missus Antoinette called me in a panic asking me to get over there ASAP. I found him on the front porch curled up in a foetal ball quivering and crying. He couldn't tell us what was wrong and didn't want to move. I suggested an ambo and hospital and he was adamant that he didn't want that. I considered PET but having had some experience with the Psychiatric Emergency Team me and his wife both felt that would only make things worse. We eventually got him inside to bed with a guarantee from him that tomorrow he'd seek help.
We got him to a doctor who referred him to a good psych who told him almost straight away that he was suffering from an anxiety disorder called agoraphobia. He got medicated and has since found ways of coping with what ails him.
It wasn't until months later as we were sharing a jug of soda, lime & bitters at the pub (an outing -YAY! and no drinking on meds) that James said to me - "Ringo, it's like I just got sick of the whole world and everyone on it.", "I'd felt so totally alone and altho I knew what was happening to me was wrong I just really didn't even want to talk to anyone about fixing it - I just wanted to stay at home and be left alone."
"That's ok mate," I said to him as I poured the last of the ice cold mix into my glass while ignoring his empty ,"we'd all gone off you too. Your shout by the way."
He called me a self-serving cunt and laughed.
Good to have him back. Sometimes.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 3:06, Reply)

First shag...
During the aforementioned cheeky wriggle she said 'cor, you're better than my dad'. Yeah, went off her pretty damned quickly.
( JamHamster My eyes, my beautiful eyes!, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 0:15, 3 replies)

This place.
Big Time.

Inb4 any of the same tired jokes any of the non-story telling shit-flingers have ever used about/towards me.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 0:03, 4 replies)

bananas
dunno why






perhaps its the potassium
( A Rory Borealis here under duress, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 22:56, Reply)

SHIT THE BED
I'VE GONE OFF THIS SONG I LIKED THIS SONG BACK IN 68 AND IT STILL ROCKS, BUT IT WAS THE WHOLE PACKAGE, NOT JUST THE GUITAR LICK. BUT IN 2013, FUCK SHITPANTS NUGENT. HE IS ALL TOUGH, BUT WHEN IT WAS HIS TIME T5O HAVE BULLE4TS WIZ BY HIS HEAD, HE SHIT HIMSELF HERE AT HOME. FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS DENIALS. EVEN IF IT ISN'T TRUE, IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL THAT STORY, NOW YOU OWN IT SHITPANTS. NO GETTING AWAY FROM IT.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 22:41, 3 replies)

I have
gone off in a huff once or twice
(lordy lordy, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 19:24, Reply)

WWF wrestling
Nowadays I find it lacking in homoeroticism.
(McChinaman banned, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 19:02, 5 replies)

QOTY




bindun?

bollocks it has hasn't it
( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 18:20, Reply)

I have gone off self-pitying internet sheriffs.
I used to love them, but now they are tiresome, like toddlers who always want things their own way.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 18:00, 6 replies)