A pea
I was in a Netto-a-like shop when I saw a good deal. Ten packs of three chocolate bars for a quid. "I'm having those" I thought.
They were about the size of a Penguin/Club/Rocky biscuit and were yummy.

I must've ploughed through maybe 8 of them that afternoon. It was then that Mrs Sandettie pointed out that they were sugar free 'Candarel Bars'. I didn't care. For sugar-free they were rather tasty.

Then my guts started gurgling. Shortly after that, my bowels starting moving. Well, I say moving. It was more like sprinting. I sat on the toilet, passing rusty water from my arse which was so thin it actually sounded like I was taking a piss.

I visited that room 6 times in all. Later that evening, my mate came round and found it most amusing that I had to sit on a rolled up duvet because I had a arse like a brakelight.

Don't OD on sorbitol or aspartame, it'll fuck you over for days.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 15 Apr 2011, 10:32, 9 replies)

Click!
for "Arse like a brakelight!" beautiful..
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Fri 15 Apr 2011, 10:36, closed)

^What she said^

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 15 Apr 2011, 10:39, closed)

what they said
Click
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Fri 15 Apr 2011, 10:51, closed)

I concur

(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Fri 15 Apr 2011, 17:19, closed)

me too
proper full on laugh out loud moment
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Fri 15 Apr 2011, 15:07, closed)

This is why
packets of chewing-gum bear a warning not to consume more than 20 of them in a day. Not sure why they bother, though: consuming 20 packs of chewing-gum in 24 hours would require a positively bovine level of chewing.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 15 Apr 2011, 10:39, closed)

I found that out the hard way, eating far too many Pro-Plus in order to stay awake through a three-hour geography exam. My shame was heightened by the fact that I had to raise my hand to leave, and be escorted out - in front of the entire exam hall - by an invigilator, who would then wait outside the bog door. Not my proudest moment.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 15 Apr 2011, 10:43, closed)

Briefcase Wanker!

(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Fri 15 Apr 2011, 13:40, closed)

He wanks briefcases!?!

(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Fri 15 Apr 2011, 14:58, closed)