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This is a question Guilty Pleasures, part 2

It's been a while since we last asked this question and CaptainFellatioNelson's confession that he likes "to fart under the duvet, creep in and see how long I can last only on the fart air contained within" reminded us just how good it was last time.

What are the little things you do for fun when nobody else is around?

(, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 11:48)
Pages: Latest, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, ... 1

This question is now closed.

calling
my desperately cute irish colleague in real estate with completely spurious enquiries about SDLT and requisitions on titles just because his accent makes me go all funny.

only australian accents are hotter. although i do also like a deep southern american drawl. or a posh british one.

funny how i normally end up with scousers or mockneyessex boys, or in the case of oswald a welsh wanker, but i can fantasise.......

on that note, i bought a book at the weekend which says on the front "the only two things you can't hide are love and a smell". the latter struck me as being very accurate!
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 18:42, 1 reply)
Hula Hoops
Back during 'sinbad: the fat years', I used to eat hula hoops dipped in butter as a snack, pretty much whenever I wanted. I can only justify this by saying that they are, without doubt, the greatest foody combo of all time.

You're going to try it now, and you're going to get FAT.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 17:30, 1 reply)
One mouthful
Of babybel, quickly followed by a handful of ready salted crisp.

Continue this until you develop an ulcer
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 17:23, Reply)
When I burp
I hold it in my mouth to savour the flavour.

Sometimes it tastes quite nice.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 17:10, Reply)
Time
I also fantasise about having a device that freezes time for everyone except me. So I can walk about amongst the world on pause.

My agenda would be:

** Getting my shopping for free. But only from large supermarket chains that wouldn't even notice anything missing.

** Finding the chav-scum who did my car over last year, wandering into their house on the night while they sleep and giving them a good hiding, followed by hoying all their stuff out the window.

** Other assorted mischief.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 16:57, 8 replies)
Looking for puns...
...I like to look for the best puns on the b3ta QOTW. I usually make a list of the ten best ones and then choose a winner.
This week they were not that great and despite looking for a winner none of them came close.

In fact, no pun in ten did.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 16:05, 2 replies)
at 4pm everyday
since today i sneak off to the toilets and quickly crack one off.... all ready and smiling for the journey home..



length ? unlike CHCB i do have pictures :o)
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 16:05, 4 replies)
Mr. Average...
I have just one guilty pleasure and it always acts a huge ego boost.

I'm a very average looking guy in his mid-forties but my slightly younger wife is an absolute stunner – one of those women who turns heads wherever she goes.
The guys at work can’t understand how I ended up with such a honey and they usually make comments like “You must be hung like a horse” or “You must be good in bed”.
I’m guessing I’m actually Mr. Average on both counts, but clearly I’m no Brad Pitt in the looks department.

Female colleagues also comment on how gorgeous my wife is and this has led to my guilty pleasure: I’ve had offers of “casual liaisons” from some very attractive female workmates which I can only put down to the well circulated comments of my male colleagues. It’s very satisfying to have some of the hotter women at work make their intentions to me clear and it frustrates the hell out of my better-looking-than-me male colleagues!

Length? Just an unfounded rumor!
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 15:53, 11 replies)
When I'm thinking
or stressed, I love to squeeze my boobs. It's very relaxing.

Of course, that gives me some problems at work... I'm lucky one of my colleages is a good friend and tells me when I'm doing it.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 15:36, 8 replies)
WTF?!
Humpty just reminded me of another I like to do at work once in a while.

Remember when you were a kid and used to fold up paper and then cut out the shape of a little person so when you unfolded it you had a string of little people holding hands? Well, during poo time, I like to do the same with the toilet roll. You can get really good lengths of little people, especially if you take a pair of sharp scissors with you so you don't have to tear the shapes.

Then I just string them over the roll holder or hang them from the coat peg on the back of the door. I like to think of the next person going in and just being "WTF"?!
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 15:21, Reply)
The women on the Simply Yours advert.
Every time it comes on the telly I cannot help but watch.
Yummy!
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 14:48, 2 replies)
Picking scabs.....
You know you shouldn't but you just can't stop yourself. I don't really get a lot of scrapes and bangs now so It's not something I can enjoy nowadays but ooooh! the memories of childhood knee scraping and the hours spent slowly picking the scabs off.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 14:45, 4 replies)
I owe this to Frank.
He mentioned pissing in the Sink:

Hanging the old fella in there while brushing my teeth in the morning is definitely a nice pleasure.

Especially if there's still a nice niche of silicone-based lube 'twixt scrote and tadger... this allows me to skoosh up and down the sink edge without a snagging sensation... weeeeeee :o)

It combines pure childishness with something that is so very very adult...
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 14:34, Reply)
Coming





over all superior when reading posts which repeat sentiments expressed earlier by other members and knowing that someone else has already been there and done it...done it hard.




Ahem...roll on 4pm.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 14:32, 7 replies)
Probably bindun
But I believe there is no greater pleasure than perching yourself on the throne and having a large, smelly gronk.

Or pulling your tallywagger

On work's time.

While you know you are being paid for it.

Bliss
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 14:27, Reply)
Porn
Literotica has been known to keep me occupied for many a long night.
I don't really feel guilty about this tho.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 13:53, 5 replies)
Soy sauce
I absolutely love the salty stuff. I pretty much pour it on everything I eat. It even works well with another already quite salty guilty pleasure of mine; a processed cheese slice wrapped round a Pepperami.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 13:52, 2 replies)
Parts-naming policy
Here at work we have to stick to protocol when naming parts.

Only in special circumstances can another word be added to the vocabulary as this list has 4 translated variants.

I have introduced Retard Pins, Retard blocks etc...

Currently I'm working on the Rimming Tool..

"Bottom-up Filling Pumps" and "Re-suction" devices are the norm.

"Analogue Notation And Logging" is a name I've managed to slip in a couple of documents too.. (ANAL)

The fun never ends.

If someone offers you a design job in the food industry, Kill them: Kill them quickly and hide the body.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 13:48, Reply)
The downside to Sweden
Being that only one shop has the monopoly on selling decent alcohol in Sweden (SytemBolaget) that's where the drunks hang out. These lot CAN get help and free lodgings if they want, but they have to be dedicated to getting off the drink in order to qualify.

Subsequently... the ones that hang around outside the shop begging are the ones that either need the most help, or the ones that can't be arsed.

One of my guilty pleasures is a double-whammy.
It earns the spiteful looks of "upstanding citizens" who'd rather ignore problems, and it gives the A-Team (as they're known) a free drink.

In summertime when it's hot outside, I like to walk past Systembolaget and give a random drunk a bottle of beer. Alcohol-Free Beer.

It's fairly pointless... but that makes it all the more fun.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 13:40, Reply)
I really like
The ignore button but that is a cheerfully guilt free pleasure.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 13:21, 26 replies)
naughty words
I like to write rude words on the back of my hand in Norwegian Formula Neutrogena Hand Cream (it's the best one for doing so, mark my words).

The latest one was pissflaps. But because my hands aren't very big I had to write piss on my left hand and flaps on the right, which was quite difficult to do left-handed but the frustration I felt at attempting this was immediately sated by reading the naughty word on my hands.

I almost proudly showed it off to my line manager but managed to restrain myself.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 13:16, Reply)
Ladies loos
Sometimes, I like to sneak into the girl's toilets when nobody's around and lift up the seats.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 13:00, 3 replies)
Vinegar!
Myriad uses according to www.vinegartips.com, but I bet they don't suggest drinking it!

...I do - a nice little slug of a good balsamic vinegar - lovely stuff.

And I've just had a mango chutney sandwich - that was nice too.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:56, 1 reply)
A few pleasures, not too guilty though
I went to uni and repeated my 1st year thrice. I never took an exam and left with nothing but a 'Player of the year' award for the football team. My parents paid for everything. Car (and everything that comes with it, insurance, petrol etc), rent in a house with the lads, fees, and bought shopping once a week for the house too. I never had a student load and so have no debts. I hardly ever went to class, just went on the piss most nights. In short, think of Van Wilder, before he had to knuckle down and pass. I had that, except without the burden of organising massive parties.

I grew up on a council estate and moved, at 21, to a beach in Australia. When I phone home, I always ask what the weather's like.

I'm a bar manager, and have access to a bounty of free piss. I treat every weekend shift as a night out and drink throughout, always ensuring there's a massive staybe afterwards. I manage to go out with no money, and come home with at least $30 in tips on top of being paid for the shift most nights of the week. I like to ask my mates how much they spent last night, and then tell them this story. They all hate me.

So there you have it, pleasurable for me, not guilty, more smug that I've lived a charmed life.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:54, 4 replies)

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