Mastermind.
I love quizzes.

Mastermind, Fifteen-to-One, University Challenge, etc, etc... I can't get enough of them. My innate ability to remember the most random trivia and facts means that I do pretty well at them, and if I wasn't such a bottler, I'd have applied to take part in one. It's often said by my friends that I'd be one of those few winners on Who Wants To Be A Millionnaire.

You know that person who stands by the quiz machine and helps out random strangers having a crack at getting their beer money out of it - that was me. I'd actually HELP OTHER PEOPLE WIN MONEY.

Anyway shouldn't be a surprise that my love of quizzes extended to those of the pub variety - a love that has made me a few quid and earned me a fair few beers in my time, and notably my friends have been all too enthusiastic when I suggest going to the pub to take on the local trivia talents.

When I was studying for my PGCE in Manchester, me and my flatmates were full-time patrons of our local, The Rampant Lion. When I heard they ran a pub quiz on a Tuesday, I couldn't help myself. I was in the zone, and cemented my reputation as Sheffield's answer to 'That Taxi Driver Fella off Mastermind'.

We started to win every week. It was getting daft. We were starting to get suggestions from the management that we should 'piss off, you're losing our custom for us'. But, we carried on undeterred.

It was around the 3rd win on the trot that we started to have a bit of a rivalry with some nurses from the Infirmary. Every week, we'd come first, and every week, they'd come second (Nurses? Coming? Does this count as innuendo?).

Anyway, this rivarly kept on for a few weeks more - until one week, the nurses brought a friend. A lovely, blonde, nubile friend.

As the quiz started I couldn't help but notice that she kept looking at me. At first I thought it was just co-incidental, but when I asked my flatmate to confirm the situation it seemed I was right. Now, as you are all aware by now my social skills with the ladies are somewhat lacking, but even I could see that continual eye contact was a 'sign'.

This continued for the duration of the quiz. As it happened, for the first week in aaages - our team was in a tie break, with the nurses.

The tie break was 'How many bones are there in an adult human body?'. I know the answer now, but I was adamant it was 205 at the time. It was somewhat fortunate for the nurses, and they quickly said '206'.

They were right. Bastard.

Anyway, we were noble in defeat and applauded our conquerors with due respect. In return the ladies supplied us with a few of their won drinks and festivities proceeded.

And then, I managed to catch the eye of the newbie nurse, and summoned up my courage to capitalise on the earlier chemistry and talk to her.

Me: "So, well done, first time lucky eh?"
Her: "Yeah, sorry, I'm the girls secret weapon!"
Me: "No worries (confidence building) - so, how about you and me get a drink then?"
Her: "Ah, yeah, erm... well, I think I might have given you the wrong impression..."
Me: "Eh?"
Her: "The eye contact, I knew that'd give you the wrong idea - see, the girls asked me along because I can lipread, I train deaf people to do it..."

Oh yes. The lovely nubile nurse continually catching my eye wasn't, as I thought, giving me the come on, but instead reading my lips to get the answers for her mates.

Now, I know I'm good - but THAT good? Even so, I had the last laugh.

I woke up with her in her dorm room the next morning.

As Nick Berry once said - 'Every loser wins'.

Length? Like Andrex - Soft, strong and long.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 19:39, 2 replies)

Well done old chap!
Reading the answer, aggreeing with the love of quizzes, and of course the old happy ending.
(Procrastinate now! It's not opposite day!, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 20:45, closed)

i was on Eggheads recently
it hasn't aired yet, and i have to say - it were great fun. i'd highly recommend it as it sounds like you'll do well.

and i beat judith, have that you posh bint
(Zutroy started without you, Mon 17 Mar 2008, 17:38, closed)