Swedish life: Perpetuating Stereotypes...
I'm afairly stocky lad: I grew up racing low-line slalom canoes in the river Severn, rock climbing and - in the words of Eddie Izzard - "Running, jumping, climbing trees" Eddie never mentioned shitting out of trees... but he's normal.

Ohhh.. digressing again.

So... going through puberty I became well built. No matter how much beer I drink, pies I eat and salads I dodge, I remain wide shouldered.

I attract comments akin to "you look like a football hooligan"... well, I Look the part, but that's where the similarity ends.

My standard Off-the-cuff retort used to be "Well you look like a porn star".... and when it was met with shock, I justified it with "Well, you're female, blonde, Swedish and have breasts... Ergo you MUST be a porn star"

Now that I'm all growed up and don't spend my time looking for the next wild night of sex, I enjoy pushing the envelope of credibility.

I Love it when people ask who my favourite team is... "No, I don't actually *like* football, I just go for the fighting"

"It's a shame that they've banned smoking here... Us Brits are nowhere near as effective in a fight without a good ashtray to punch with. ... No, really... the most serious injuries in Britain are caused by B&H ashtrays with the cast Malboro ones coming in a close second"

My favourite however is - in this country that banned smacking of children in 1975 - to commit the ultimate faux pas. "Well, When it's time to have kids, I want to move back to the UK... why? .... Well, I want to be able to hit them - my dad smacked the hell out of me, and I'm looking forward to smacking the hell out of my kids"


Obviously I'm joking, but there's a lot of Swedes who take it at face value and are utterly horrified. Lambs to the slaughter: each and every one.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Wed 19 Mar 2008, 10:04, 6 replies)

er
I believe smacking is banned here now as well, though is still readily available on the black market...
(wrigglesworth, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 11:16, closed)

Nice
Wasnt that a Bill Hicks or Denis Leary line from a stand up show?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 11:45, closed)

I think it was Dennis Leary...
... But as most of his stuff is ripped/Paraphrased from Hicks, I'd imagine Hicks said it first.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Wed 19 Mar 2008, 11:51, closed)

True,
still, i do like a bit of leary once in a whle!
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:33, closed)

Now that I'm all growed up and don't spend my time looking for the next wild night of sex
does this ever happen???

crap. maybe it should.

*envisages future of being alone and only eaten by alsatian in manner of bridget jones or similar*
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:34, closed)

R-Swipe..
Narf.

Debbie McGee apparently got caught on tape doing that... "iiiits Magic!!"

It does sometimes happen... though being growed up doesn't always last =)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:42, closed)