Nearly Burned House down
Few friends of mine went paintballing and bought some smoke bombs, we enjoyed them so much that we decided to make soem of our own, after browsing the web for oh about 5 minutes we came up with a recipe but had no clue where to buy fuses and potassium nitrate. We tried ebay.

Two days later everything arrived on the doorstep, after a few experiments with smaller ones we decided to ignore the "make outside" "never use more than" advice and taking advantage of the fact that my dear wife had gone shopping for the day, mixed up four times the recipe on the kitchen stove. I thought peteloaf from these very boards was watching the mixture and he thought I was, I turned and said "oi you twat you're sposed to be stirring that" I walked up grabbed the pan and strirred. One stir later the whole pan exploded in my face shooting burning lumps of molton sugar all over myself and the kitchen. I paniced and dropped the pan on the floor. The three of us ran out of the house thinking "shit " as the entire place filled with thick white smoke. I took a deep breath ran in and turned on the extractor fan. We waited a few minutes until the kitchen cleared and then went in and remove all the burning tea towels, turned off the oven and thanked god that the kitchen floor was stone tiled as replacing the lino would have been expencive. we went through to the living room which was still full and opened every window and door. We then did the same upstairs. We managed to hide all the evidence and clean every surface amazed that though everything around me was burned my face was still as pretty as ever. After the clean up we decided we had earned a nice cuppa. We opened the cupboard to get out cups and found they were also full of smoke. Cue us running around opening cupboards and franticly wafting out smoke knowing my wife would returns soon. As if by magic just as we had cleared the place she comes home. She asks why all the windows and door in the entire house were open. We tell her we were warm. It was raining. She notices nothing and goes to bed.

The next day she asks why all her clothes hanging on the airer in the kitchen have cigarette burns in them. I look her in the eye and said "how should I know" she opens her mouth about to go off on one and I say "I can't believe you are going to blame me for something that probably happened when you were wearing them down the pub" she never mentioned it again.

Im so sorry Mrs PhillieJoe

Length???!!1one
( PhillieJoe ho ho Merry Xmas Being clever is not as clever as being, Wed 5 Sep 2007, 15:59, closed)