Exercise! Crippled! Spazzy! Sued!
Gyms and I have never got along.

I've tried to be fit and healthy, but I'm naturally accustomed to being a lazy bastard. The only exercise I ever really did was football and tennis as a teen, until injuries stopped me. I supplanted this with dancing and cycling until other body parts broke.

I recently finished a stint in rehab, and came out sober, energetic and lusting for a trim body like the one I used to possess. So I joined a gym.

I swam nightly, struggled through the pain barrier, and then went for my induction/exercise programme.
It did not go well. I have shattered both wrists; they are consequently filled with metal, slightly arthritic (although I can still wank, thank God) and somewhat feeble. Both my knees constantly hyper-extend, and the slightest twist can result in a dislocation of the knee-cap. I also have torn ligaments in my left knee once and right knee three times.

After a brief demonstration of all the equipment (including walkers) I was advised not to do anything other than use the pool. But not to swim. Instead, for my £53 per month, I was allowed to hold a float out and gently paddle from end to end.

Obviously, as a thirty year old man with a profession, responsibilities and many and varied swimming badges, I am not too keen on looking like a 'tard. Therefore I suggested that I cancel my membership. This was met with head shakes and frowns. I told them to fuck off (diplomacy not being my strong point) and that I expected them to cancel the contract.

Upshot is, they're suing me. It's only £500, but they can bollocks.

I now reside in my lovely new house watching my lovely new sky package. If I'm not in the pub. Or working stupidly hard and taking calls at 2am. Often it's a combination. But basically, it doesn't involve the gym.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:40, 3 replies)

:)
'Noon, DP. Nice to see you back here!

(Jeesus - you do live up to your screen-name, don't you?)
*clicks*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:37, closed)

Hollo...
Nice to be back...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 14 Jul 2009, 15:45, closed)

Billing.
Gyms seem to be fucking insane.

"I'd like to cancel my membership"

"no"

"I'd still like to cancel"

"We're going to sue you".

Where the hell do these cuntmuffins get off?
(Scritty Bakerman., Thu 16 Jul 2009, 10:07, closed)