My dad tried a bit of home brewing one winter, when I was very small (apparently it smelled so bad that he was banned from further batches)
He did wine and beer. On Christmas Day I was taken to the obligatory mass and watched with great interest as the priest drained the chalice. "Daddy's wine all gone now!" I announced right in the middle of some religious silence, making my grandmother* cringe.

He and his mates then celebrated the birth of my younger brother with the beer. It was so strong that 2 of his mates passed out in the garden on the way home. Lucky he was born in March, not December...


(* Although not as much as when that same baby brother, looking like an angel but acting like a devil most of the time, did an enormous fart, magnified in the way that only a wooden, uncushioned pew can, and immediately turned to her and said accusingly, "little grandma!!!" Shortly afterwards he misbehaved and was taken outside for a bollocking/smacked bum. Desperately trying to prolong the inevitable, he was frantically trying to shake hands with people from his position under my dad's arm, hissing, "peace be with you!" "Peace be with you!" as if that were going to save him)

(I don't even care that most of this is about farts. Farts are funnier than home brew)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 10:29, 14 replies)

this was difficult to wank to, compared to last weeks farting story.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 11:44, closed)

What? But it has so much to offer
Old ladies, priests in dresses, alcohol, spanking...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 11:49, closed)

if you could have changed children to 'barely legal' the wank may have been easier. like baby brother to barely legal brother.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 13:18, closed)

I'm not sure one's brother is ever legal though
Maybe in Wales?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 18:07, closed)

I know it's off-topic but I liked the sub-story better!
He probably pronounced it "piss be with you".
( Ghoti Fingers, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 12:14, closed)

That one didn't
But when we moved, that church had an Irish priest who said exactly that. Not even "piss be with you" just "piss". Of course we got bollocked for repeating it.

He also said "too towsand years ago" about 5 times a mass.

I couldn't be less religious now (nor my parents really, so I have no idea why we got dragged to church as young kids), but I did have to admire that dude when my brother's mate (who like us hasn't been near the church in years) wanted to get married in that same church recently. Having called the rectory numerous times with no answer, he went down to the church and introduced himself to the priest after mass. He said, "I've been trying to call you, Father, to arrange a wedding." And the priest smiled and said, "well my son, you'll find me here at the same time every Sunday..."

I thought that was rather smoothly done!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 12:24, closed)

Piss be upon you.

( Ghoti Fingers, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 12:30, closed)

May The Lord bring his glorious piss upon you
And piss on all your family
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 12:36, closed)

Death brings eternal piss.

(SlantedScience, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 16:56, closed)

I hope yours is piss full

( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 18:07, closed)

I hope that whirled piss will be spread across all the peoples of the world
And they will be united in piss. Arab will make piss with Jew, and Hindu will make piss with Muslim.

Piss for my children and piss for my children's children.
( Ghoti Fingers, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 20:05, closed)

This is quite good. Even your replies to replies are entertaining.
Well done.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Sun 7 Dec 2014, 1:49, closed)

Peace off.

(SlantedScience, Sun 7 Dec 2014, 7:35, closed)

Came here to say this
Was not disappoint
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 7 Dec 2014, 13:32, closed)