Coming!
Late July, residential school, Yorkshire, end of term.
The short-arsed Headmaster, with his Brylcreemed hair and tightly manicured moustache was a throwback to the 30's. He wasn't running some local authority dump for wayward kids. No, his school was the Eton of the North ( without the bum fuckery and wads of inherited cash, obviously).
He decided that as soon as the last kid had departed, the staff should celebrate the end of term with a genteel wine and cheese party. Genteel and very pleasant it was for almost two hours and then... the wine ran out.The party fell flat and the Headmaster and his wife retreated to their private living quarters.
New boy staff member here then leaped to the rescue with:
"I've got some of my dad's homebrew lager in my room if anyone's interested."
Turns out the Deputy, the Matron and three of the female houseparents were interested and followed me hastily to my room.Some time after the first two bottles I seemed to remember my dad had said the lager might be a bit stronger because he'd added more sugar than usual.Some time after the fifth bottle a half naked gaggle of drunkards were into the full swing of a game of strip poker when there was a knock on the door. I couldn't go to the door because I was pissing in the sink by the window at the time so I shouted:
"Coming!" meaning "I'm coming, wait there!"
Apparently "coming!" can sound like "come in!".
You've guessed the rest.
Late edit: if you didn't guess the rest see replies.
(mallyjoe, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 13:33, 6 replies)

No really I haven't "guessed the rest".
I not sure what the school was meant to teach you, but it certainly doesn't seem to have been narrative style, punctuation or simple word-definitions.

1. Were you a pupil, a teacher, or the child of a teacher? It seems to have been a staff party but you had some of your dad's homebrew (suggesting you might have been the child of a teacher).
2. Where did the party end up? Why were you pissing in the sink while people were playing strip-poker? Who was at the door? What did happen next?
3. Commas are usually in addition to spaces, not in place of them.
4. Gentile probably doesn't mean what you think it means.
( Ghoti Fingers, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 14:12, closed)

I'm sorry this post has upset you mate.I'm not attempting to win the Booker or similar literary prize, just trying to make a small contribution.I was a staff member and in common with other staff members I had a dad.The party ended up in my room and I can see now why that isn't clear so I shall edit.I had taken a comfort break from the game of strip poker to piss in the sink.I concede that my typing skills are crap and that genteel was spelled incorrectly so I shall correct that now.As for 'Who was at the door?' and 'What happened next? go fuck yourself.Use your imagination you humourless cunt.
You're not an old boy of Eton by any chance? Thanks for your helpful suggestions though.Seriously.
(mallyjoe, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 15:10, closed)

haha I went to Pocklington and it was shit

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 16:36, closed)

What's the point in only telling half a story on a forum for telling stories?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 6 Dec 2014, 17:25, closed)

Oh OK then, you win.

The door swung open and who should breeze in but, you've guessed it, the Headmaster. His little moustache quivered as he surveyed the scene before him. I was on tiptoes at the sink wearing boxers, black socks and a worried smile. Matron was sprawled across my bed, all big knickers and big naked breasts. His trusted Deputy sat on the floor, frozen in time, about to undo Jane's bra. Jane was the young, single, hottie houseparent. Marie was spread beneath the TV, legs akimbo and staring into space whilst Lisa was crouched in the corner of the room with her head wedged firmly into the plastic waste paper bin. After a lifetime of awkward silence, the Headmaster reached into the little pocket of his pin striped waistcoat. He pulled out a little plastic bag of white powder and screamed,
" LET'S PARTY!!!! "
No he didn't. He was fucking fuming and ordered us all to get dressed immediately and wait outside his office. Not even a stifled giggle was heard as we trudged downstairs to his office. We were interviewed separately and each given a verbal warning. Something about professional misconduct if I remember rightly. I tried to blame it on my dad's homebrew but he wasn't having any of it. The excuse that is, not the homebrew.
(mallyjoe, Sat 6 Dec 2014, 19:40, closed)

See that was a much better story than any of us could have imagined.
I'm so pleased that user Windy Pig encouraged you to come out of your shell.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 6 Dec 2014, 20:21, closed)

I'd like a little more detail of matrons boobs please.

(immadme, Sun 7 Dec 2014, 12:33, closed)

That was nothing like what I had imagined.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:51, closed)