Early one morning, doing my rounds...
...I took a shot of cocaine and I shot my woman down...

Wait...I fucked that up...let me start again.

In the wee small hours of one student morning, doing a couple of lines of something I shouldn't have been with a friend and playing on the NES (God, I am SO old).

We hear the front door open, We hear footsteps on the stairs.

We hear giggling, We hear moaning, We hear the unmistakable sounds of my Irish Cassanova flatmate getting down to the physical act of love.

I look at my co-conspirator, we shrug, and go back to our slightly aggressive game of Sensible Soccer, turning the volume up slightly, waiting for the inevitable signal that he had 'completed the task'


Why 'inevitable?' Well, we had a game, it was a very childish game admittedly, but it was our game nevertheless. If any of us pulled (and when I say any of us, I wasn't the most successful sexual adventurer as a student, so it was mainly the other guys), at the moment of climax, we'd have to shout an advertising slogan as loud as we could. You'd get a point for each housemate that heard it...



What would it be this time? we'd already recently had what I considered the unbeatable 'The Lion Goes From Strength To Strength!' yelled at about 9am on a Sunday morning.

We played another game of Sensible

And then we heard it, in a loud Irish Accent...

...'Don't Forget The Honey, Mummy!'

And we cracked. Cracked in the way that only two immature Charlie'd up wanker students could.

We were in hysterics, tears, crying, wheezing, giggling like buffoons.

We couldn't stop. I swear, it must have been 15 minutes later when, us still laughing, the door opened and in walked this girl we had never seen before.

She just said, 'I was just on my way home, but I had to come and see what was so funny'

So we explained, she didn't seem too put out, and, in fact, possibly even relieved that she had an explanation for the odd orgasm exclamation.

She was really sweet actually, and she stayed, talking to us, in a lovely, lilting Irish brogue for a good half hour.

I was beginning to think we could actually be friends.

Until the door burst open.

Irish Cassanova walked boldy in, wrapped in just a towel and proudly stated

'Oi, lads, oi've just fucked Terry Wogan's daughter...oh...I thought you'd left...'

She did.

Immediately.

For good.

Shame. It could have been my turn next.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 10:57, 9 replies)

This for the win!

Every little helps!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 11:03, closed)

Absolutely brilliant
in every way.

*breaks wrist clicking*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 11:11, closed)

Excellent
Story - Have a *click* :-)
(uk_viper stopped lurking on, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 12:43, closed)

Very nice
Very nice indeed
( SpankyHanky, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 12:59, closed)

*click*
My personal favourite, which I have used, is "The Milky Bars are on me!". Thankfully the lady saw the funny side...
(I Was a Teenage Spaceship, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 13:30, closed)

i hope this wins
so funny
(BarryChuckle, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 13:44, closed)

Terry Wogan's daughter...
...now owns & runs a pub in Cookham, Berks - mind you he may have more than one daughter.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 15:15, closed)

I
quite liked another B3tans story which involved hearing 'busting makes me feel good' from Ghost Busters

Ace story though!
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 15:33, closed)

i cried
this was so funny 'click'
(gingerbollocks 'happy and content' since, Wed 4 Mar 2009, 14:23, closed)