Ignorant AND self-absorbed AND frankly, deplorable...
Sydney Dispatch:

I was on the bus home not 5 minutes ago and overheard this couple of dickheads -

"What with the Bali bombing, and now the tsunami, it's really screwing up our holiday options"

The bus went quiet and the two blithely went on whining about how they will be forced to go to somewhere like Hawaii "but the bloody Aussie dollar is getting stronger, which means you can't get really cheap stuff anymore"

Unbelievable!
( Strangey is present at, Fri 14 Jan 2005, 7:54, Reply)

Sharks
A few years ago we had a series of shark attacks in Hong Kong. Several people were bitten, often in very shallow water.

The TV station sent a reporter to a beach where someone had recently been killed, and he interviewed a woman who was paddling up to her knees. He asked her if she was frightned of the shark. She said no, if the shark came she would run back to her car, AND LOCK THE DOORS.
(HK Phoey, Fri 14 Jan 2005, 6:49, Reply)

This woman was on 100k a year...
I used to work at a nameless Edinburgh broadsheet which had had a complete tard of an English editoress inflicted on it. One day at news conference a story was brought up about how 'red tide' harbour pollution was being spread by ship's hulls.
Editrix pipes up: (indignant Sloane accent)"What sort of people go round sticking pollution on the bottom of ships?"
Unearthly silence.
She now works at the Mail.
(mudskipper, Fri 14 Jan 2005, 5:32, Reply)

almost everything rob says

(Roland Deschain, Fri 14 Jan 2005, 5:10, Reply)

Guru Cleo
I think apeloverage may be more ignorant.


Actually, no, he's just stupid.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 14 Jan 2005, 3:52, Reply)

Spoilt Puppy
My ex and i wer eplaying silly buggers with out dog saying things like "sophie if you arent a good girl youll go back to the p.e.t.s.h.o.p. (spelling it out as if we were trying to hide it from the kids, as you do)
i said "sophie if you arent a good girl ill take you to the V.E.T, and have you fixed" my ex came out with "Or if you are really bad we will take you to to the............. ummmm how do i spell r.s.p.c.a??"

she got tired from hitting me before i got tired from laughing at her
(Funkwomble XBL and PSN DangerBoy73, Fri 14 Jan 2005, 2:27, Reply)

Much ignorance from the posters too
*quoteth* Holly Valance:

"You can give yourself cancer if you're thinking bad thoughts about people" */unquoteth*

I shall unlurk to say that it is accepted that a negative mental attitude is detrimental to health so essentially she is correct.

Hate, anger and fear lead to the darkside.

Umm, I think the IRA and Irish Republican Army are the same :)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_Republican_Army
(Rubberband_in_Oz, Fri 14 Jan 2005, 1:34, Reply)

A guy I know...
...pissed off at the local council, went down to the offices to see if he could talk to someone fairly senior.

Explaining this to us later, he proceeded to regale us with an account of how he:

"...went up to the reception and demanded to talk to the head poncho".

Laugh? I nearly bought one!

Neither of us wanted to point out his mistake, so we elected simply to give in to great bursts of silent, body-shaking laughter, as he stood looking blank and confused, crying "what?"
(underachiever, Fri 14 Jan 2005, 1:25, Reply)

my dad and some random guy were talking about some old barn and its stone wall
guy: this barn was built in the 1700s, so you know these rocks are at least 200 years old.
(schnurricane, Fri 14 Jan 2005, 1:14, Reply)

in conversation
Friend: what's a 'tangent'?

Bf: well, a tangent would be if I was just talking to you here now and... I don't know, just suddenly started talking about bananas.

Friend: Oooh I like bananas.

Bf: Yes, yes, that would be it.
(corneliuschild, Fri 14 Jan 2005, 0:24, Reply)

lolwhites- that reminds me
of a guy my Dad met at a conference- he proudly told my Dad that his company had spent an obscene amount of money sending him on a residential Spanish course so he could meet some potential customers in (you guessed it) Brazil.
( Shrub Rocketeer is a twisted emotional husk, Fri 14 Jan 2005, 0:18, Reply)

I want to add my two pennies.
I went to McDonalds one day, last resort, greggs closed and I wanted something slightly edible for less than £2.

I ordered chicken nuggets and chips, they said "Do you want sauce with that?"
I said "Yes, a couple of Barbecue."
"So how many do you want?"
"Two. A couple."


I know mine is shit, and someone will most definitely say something ignorant tomorrow. Other than GWBush, we all know there's no-one more ignorant than him. Unless there is. Well I dunno. I'm gonna go get more tea... I wish I had biscuits.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 23:41, Reply)

Linguistic gem
As the head of a modern languages department in a further education college, it often falls to me to field enquiries about our courses from members of the public. Cue the following conversation:

Twunt: "I'd like to find out about intensive Spanish courses"
Me: "Have you done Spanish before?"
Twunt: "No, but I need an intensive course. My company is sending me to the Dominican Republic in six weeks so I need to be fluent by then."

Fortunately it was a telephone conversation as there was no way I could keep a straight face.
(lolwhites, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 23:09, Reply)

Sunday Dinner...
There we were, my family and I sat round the table on a beautiful Sunday, having an equally beautiful Sunday lunch consisting of a damn fine slab of beef, which my sister helped to prepare.
My sister, who lacks somewhat in table etiquette was eating with her fingers at the time. To this my Dad asks her if she knows where her hands have been since she last washed them. My sister replied with this immortal statement.

"oh, dont worry Dad, i washed my hands just now, after i beat the meat."

i laughed till i hurt. and then laughed some more.
(NeZ, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 22:54, Reply)

Omelette.
Me and m'bloke were wandering toward the cinema.

"I can smell onions and curry." Say I.
"Onion curry!" Says he.
"No such thing as an onion curry!" Says I.
"Yes there is! If it has onions in it and it's a curry, it's an onion curry!" Says he.

I pause, trying to think of a way to combat this logic. And then announce, with no small degree of pride at my own intelligence, "If you put onion and egg in an omelette, you don't call it an onion omelette, do you!"

A pause.
Him looking at me funny.
Him taking the piss for two days after.
( Pineapplez, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 22:41, Reply)

Blindy
A girl watching a video of David Blunkett in class.

'He was rubbish, did you see his eyes? He was obviously reading an autocue.'
(tomshave, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 22:35, Reply)

There's logic for you
To start off with, I'm Canadian.

I was chatting with a guy from the US (yes, it's another of those stories) and he asked what university I went to. I told him the name, and even sent him the website- www.universityname.ca.

Three seconds later he asked if I had a nice Turkey for Thanksgiving.

Me: Um, yes. But that was a month ago.
Him: What are you talking about?
Me: I'm Canadian, we celebrate it a month before you do in the States.
Him: You don't live in California?
Me: What? No!
Him: But that website ended with .ca!

That's right, he thought that .ca stood for California, not Canada. Whoops.
(dragonrose, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 22:21, Reply)

Minute's silence
A couple of years ago, we stopped for the Remembereance Day silence at college. The usual way of signalling this was a long ringing of the fire bell, then we all shut up. At which point, a classmate jumped out of his chair and punched the air, and shouted "YEEESSS!! FIRE DRILL!!"
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Thu 13 Jan 2005, 21:55, Reply)

american tourists
(i'm american)

1. americans don't think before they say things, and in general, don't like being told they're wrong
2. there aren't any british tourist stories because who in their right mind would come here?
3. after making fun of my friend for being stupid he responded, "I'm not slow, I'm tall!"
( abandonnship, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 21:51, Reply)

Not sure if this is incredibly intelligent or stupid
When told about the clocks going back, my six year old wanted to know "where does the hour go Mummy?"

Thinking myself pretty intelligent (until this point), I just mumbled and told him to look it up on the internet, and spouted some shit about discovery being better if you do it yourself...
(Peelmytangerines, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 21:36, Reply)

A couple of weeks ago,
whilst watching a BBC news item about David Blunkett, my friend said: 'is David Blunkett blind?" Aww
(Bobby T, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 21:23, Reply)

Lord of the Rings
The day after a few friends and I saw The Two Towers (being the second of the LOTR trilogy - and the first one that gollum properly features in) we were sat in our college canteen discussing said Gollum and how clever the actor Andy Serkis had been in his portrayal. Up pips friend:

Friend: 'He was played by an actor!?'
Us: 'Yeah, Andy Serkis'
Friend: 'Oh My God! The poor guy!'
Us: 'Huh? I'm sure he was pretty happy with the role'
Friend: 'Yeah, but he must be so thin. And short.'

Cue much laughter and general ridicule at said friend. We tried to explain the technology behind it but she wouldn't have it. She still goes on about men with anorexia today. Some people.

Bit long, apologies.
( demondethe, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 20:47, Reply)

Stupid
My sister last night, whilst playing Scrabble-

"Dad, what does X-ray start with?"

She thought it started with E.
(mrmistoffeles, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 20:46, Reply)

Had this little gem last night at work.
Okay, so I work in a video store. I'm a customer service rep; meaning I spend half my time on till and the other half trying to talk sense into dumbasses who can't grasp the various concepts that make up a video store.

Last night, I was working the closing shift, and around 9 pm a woman came in with her father and wanted to set up an account. Fine, no problem. When that was done and she'd rented her movies, she asked me when they were due back. I told her "They'll be due back on friday by 11 PM."

Her response?

"At night?"

For the record, she was blond.
(megomobile, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 20:21, Reply)

Chatrooms.....
A couple of years ago in an AO Hell american chatroom...

Redneck.......'So where are you from dude?'

Me............'The UK'.

Redneck.......'You commie pinko bastard!'

Me............'What?'

redneck........'rant rant grrrrrrr etc'

Thie tirade of abuse went on for a while....buggered if i could understand why he thought that being from the UK could possibly be considered communist.

Finally another room member decided to tell him..... UK means the United Kingdom, Not the Ukraine!!!........ What a numpty!
(vamp1refrog, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 20:10, Reply)

My sister
100% fact: My sister's thumbs are not at all identical. One looks like a normal thumb, and the other is short, stumpy and misshapen (like both of mine are). This bothers her very much.

One day, she and my mom came to pick me up from work. While they were waiting, my sister starts to ponder getting plastic surgery to correct her thumb issues. Finally, she decides to announce for all of the restaurant to hear "I think I need a hand job!"
(pk, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 20:05, Reply)

Absolutely brilliant one today.
Me and 2 friends, one of whom is wheelchair bound, were just walking (yes, I know) back to college having had lunch. We took a shortcut round the back of Asda where it was very muddy and the ground was sloping so my friend's wheelchair was slipping and sliding all over the place. Some women walked past as this was going on and what did she say?

"It'd probably be easier just to walk wouldn't it?"

I nearly died laughing. That had to be the most insensitive statement of the year! I'm still wondering if she was incredibly thick and didn't realise he couldn't walk or if it was just a cruel joke.

On the subject of geography and the US: I agree with Ken3005. I may not know where every town/state/city is in the US but I know where it is, I know its capital and most of the major cities/states and I don't generally confuse it with other countries like Canada. There is a world of difference between being unable to point out North Carolina on a map and believing that England is in London.

That is all
(Mr Slippyfist, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 19:56, Reply)

Communism redefined by blonde
Behold the wonder of my old friend Kimmie. Very intelligent, but zero common sense. Every day I'm amazed that she aces exams. Why? Take this example:

At a pub one night, I was trying to explain to her about communism after a barrage of questions about a political discussion the rest of us were having. I talked her through the basics of the idea, and when she asked for an example of a communist country I was certain she'd got it. "Well, for example, China is a communist country" says I.

She replied with "Why, is it because they all look the same?"

She wasn't making a joke and she's not racist, by the way. Not knowingly anyway. And yes, she is a natural blonde.

PS - In reply to dogfish's last post, I believe that most guns don't work underwater. Joke's on you!
(T.A.F.K.A. doctorsax http://www.badphorm.co.uk, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 19:32, Reply)

CV
I'm an editor. A couple of years ago, I received a CV, which announced in lovely, shiny big letters that the writer was:

'An experienced and excellent poofreader'.

Hur hur.
(Lizzle, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 19:27, Reply)

Years ago Mr Bum Plops and I trotted merrily along to buy our first ever mobile phones.

The sales assistant was lovely, describing how to turn them on, how to scroll through menus, how to charge etc.

He started to show us how to insert the battery and had, in the process, removed one from the back of one of the phones.

Mr Bum Plops decided to ask about how to add credit to the phone (those scratch off pay-as-you-go vouchers)and came out with...

"So is this where you slot in the voucher?"

The sales assistant and I promptly burst out laughing.

Bless him....he's smart really.....honest...
(bum plops, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 19:23, Reply)