I can make wee come out of my bottom
"Lard?" I said, one sunny afternnoon at the Glastonbury festival, after much chonging.
"Yes?" Replied Lard (for that was my good friends name)
"You know when you reeally, really need a wee, and just as you're about to go, you sort of hold it back, and strain, and it really hurts, but you sort of push it back down, and it comes out of your bum instead?"
"Yeah,"
"Oh good. I thought it was just me who could do that."
"Really? I thought it was just ME! I guess its one of those things that nobody really talks about"
"OH MY GOD!" Goes Lard's girlfriend "No FUCKING WAY can you do that!"
"Yeah," I say, "I guess its just a bloke thing"
"Its true," Agrees Lard.
"Wow! Thats fantastic!" Lards girlfriend is awed at the fantastic feats the male body is able to perform.

ABOUT 2 MONTHS LATER:
The phone rings. I Answer.
"Hello?"
"Hello. Its Lard. I'm going to tell her the truth. She's embarrasing me at the pub."
I hear him explain that no, men can't actually wee out of their bottoms. I hear a muffled slap. The phone goes dead.
they split up not long after that.
(Booga O Valencia!, Sat 8 Jan 2005, 0:04, Reply)