Cooking mishaps
When my parents went on holiday, i was left to cook for myself (i was old enough to know how to cook, 14 or so - but never really had as my mum had fulfilled her task properly).
I was given strict instructions that if i was to use the toaster, i had to pull it away from its "resting place" flat against the wall. I was given no reasoning, just told i had to. Anyway, i wake at the crack of noon and think some toast is in order. In goes the bread, and i go up for a slash while i'm waiting. Come down the stairs to find foul tasting and smelling smoke filling the living room and kitchen. The thermostat on the wall had melted due to my lack of following instructions. As a result, molten plastic had also dripped into the toaster, rendering my delicious meal inedible.
Bollocks i think, and set about opening all the windows in the kitchen and living room to get rid of the smoke, whilst covering my mouth with my sleeve (foolproof smoke filter).
Still hungry, i decide to use to oven to grill myself some toast up. This time i recalled the instructions "if you use the oven, make sure you take all the other trays and pans out first (for some reason my mother keeps all that shit in the oven when its not used, because our kitchen is tiny). So i set about taking all the pans out, banged the grill on and went upstairs to open the bedroom windows too. Come down about 2 minutes later and think "fuck me, the smell and smoke isnt going!". Walk into the kitchen and open the grill for my delicious toast. I had left a plastic egg poacher in the oven, which was now melted to the bottom of the oven; once again acrid smoke filled the house, and the jumper had to be employed to filter out the harmful toxins.

Had cereal in the end.
(Nyphur, Sun 7 May 2006, 17:24, Reply)