Wee nipper
Another fun filled agony related memory:

late 80's, metalhead in sunny Edinburgh. All my mates were musos or crap attempted musos (me) and regularly congregated at someones house to torture cats (well, that's what a neighbour said it sounded like, and this is in a country that claims to enjoy the bagpipes).

I am reclined at my ease, perusing a back issue of Kerrang (probably) while some of the other lads debated a great moral issue of the day, such as were Suicidal Tendencies(the best) better than whoever etc etc.

At this point my DFB (Dumb Fucking Blonde) GF decides that I wasn't paying her enough attention and decides to grab my scrote.

With a pair of big fuck-off pliers.

The resulting blood blisters and oddly shaped, even abstract bruising were much admired later, together with the nice baldie patch where the pubes had been wrenched out.

At the time, the vocals were something like "WHATHEFUAAAIIEEEEEEEBITCH" as the precious hairy objects firmly held by the cruelly serrated steel jaws attempted to withdraw into the safety of my abdomen, while the rest of my body was rocketing skywards in a bid for freedom. So the old scroty was under some considerable distress and tension, especially when the DFB lets go, and said pliers are hanging free.

Heavy things, pliers. Try this at home if you don't believe me.

I was restrained from garrotting DFB with a guitar string and limped home to survey the damage and apply Birdseye's finest field fresh to my violated spuds.

The DFB in question did have one god-given talent: she could suck start a Harley Davidson. Even with this available in lengthy, guiltily slurping sessions on demand, it was a few days before she was granted access all areas again.

And when she was permitted to display her skills, as she got into top gear the damaged bits (now the colour of a baboons arse) get turned into a hairy punchbag. Dilemma - continue with pain/pleasure mixture until I could hopefully come in her hair in revenge, or opt for plan B and lie in a foetal position cradling my now glowing sack and gibbering?

The relationship did not last.

Got her hair though.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 18 Jul 2006, 16:16, Reply)