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Last week two kids ran past me, one chasing the other. As they passed, the little boy turns to the girl chasing him and screams, "go away, you, you... you GIRLPANTS."

She stopped dead, cut to the core. Well, sort of. Anyway, we've added it to our repertoire, but are keen to expand further our sweary lexicon. What's the best insult you've heard? How effective was it? How did they retaliate?

(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:48)
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This question is now closed.

Joey Deacon...
In the 1980's there was a chap called Joey Deacon who, became the face of The Spastics Soceity. He made his appearence on nationhal television in the hope of bringing around the Great British public that he was just like everybody else.

The next day, in school, loud chants of "JOEY" became the classic insult. ahhh the 1980's, how I miss it, none of this PC bollocks.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:13, Reply)
I'm ginger so...
I've been called a ginger Boris Johnson.
copper knob,
ginger minge etc,

some of my favourites are:
you truly belong on the special end of the needs spectrum.
did your parents have any children that lived?
which brand of fuck wit are you?
your parents, were they related before they married?
one more brain cell and you could work in a call centre.

childhood ones:
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:13, Reply)
Stop It
You are acting like a bunch of college students!
shouted the teacher to a group of unruly five year olds.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:11, Reply)
we had a japanese lad come to our school
he didn't really know a lot of english, and we managed to persuade him that 'shitcunt' was a suitable term of affection for his teachers.

albeit very briefly
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:10, Reply)
Ginger condemns his race to insult hell.
During the recent "ginners are human too" series on the Beeb, Radio4 did a piece covering how our red-headed bumchums have been bullied in the past.

Cue one poor soul describing the moment he was on the end of a tongue lashing and subsequently gave me, and thousands of others, a whole new phrase:

"It was awful. I get called things like ginger piss worm."

Good bless our pissy annelid friend.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:09, Reply)
some i have used. in the past hour.



(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:08, Reply)
In the summer...
We got the kids one of those huge paddling/swimming pools for in the garden. They loved it and when we did have some sun they would spend all day in there.

One day my lil boy (5) came into the house crying because his sister (9) had called him 'Naked Pants'

What the fuck is all that about

Personal favourite of mine is 'Nonce'
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:08, Reply)
bus barney
i heard some kids arguing on the bus once, and one of them said, "your ma's a slag and she shops at netto!"

the other lad, deeply offended, replied "she doesn't shop at netto!"
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:08, Reply)
A dark day
Someone once asked me if I was from Liverpool.

As a proud Mancunian,words can not explain how mortified I was.

(just for the record, I do not have a curly perm, big tache nor was I wearing a shellsuit or stood outside the Job Centre or instructing people to "calm down").

Ruined my day that did
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:07, Reply)
Cunty Baws!
Cunty Balls: Pronounced: Cunty Baws

Eg: Moan ta fuck cunty baws!
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:06, Reply)
Arabic insult
I've been told that "May your armpits be infested by the fleas of 1000 camels" has been known to do the trick in the Sahel.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:05, Reply)
stolen from Bridget Jones I'm afraid but...
... you're just a big knob with no knob
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:04, Reply)
Waste of skin
or of DNA, or carbon, or... well, whatever you want, really.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:04, Reply)

... i could go on.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:03, Reply)
May all your children...
... be ginger
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:03, Reply)
An American lad was annoying the tits off me once so I called him the first thing that came to mind, which was 'cockwomble'. The insult was effective because he did stop winding me up but only to ask me what a cockwomble actually was.

I then had to give a detailed explanation about what wombles were and admit that I hadn't really thought that insult through.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:02, Reply)
The other week in our small town
I was quietly eating a sandwich in the street when two chavy types in their 30s I'd assume ran into each other, obviously having previously had an argument. A loud, sweary argument ensued. Basically, one of them had something of the other's, and that gentleman wanted it back. As first chav said "fuck this, I've had enough, I'm fucking off you wanker" or something to that effect, the second retorted "well I want it fucking back!". The first then saw the chance for an amazing comeback that surely would give him the last word and silence his opponent: "Yeah, well my mum wants her virginity back".

I don't think I was the only one to realise that he'd not only had a crap insult but declared to the whole high street "yeah well my mum wishes I'd never been born".
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:02, Reply)
Ten Million Sperm...
...and you were FIRST?
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:01, Reply)
I remember...
the first time my brother called me a piss-ant

I cried with laughter

penarse is a favourite of mine. combining two splendid bits of the anatomy into one beautiful insult.

I'm also fond of asking (when someone is performing particularly badly at a task) "have you been eating cripple-biscuits?"

just been reminded that seperate occasions one of my old housemates at uni called me:
1. a kipper's pimp
2. a whelk's hang glider
3. (particularly good) a cuntybiffsnifter
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:00, Reply)
An acquaintance of mine...
... worked in a factory packing magazines into boxes. The local ruffians decided his new nickname was to be "Cot Death" on account of his pallour and diminutiveness.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 13:00, Reply)
I never forget a face...
...but in your case I'll make an exception.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:59, Reply)
I was bragging about deserved it...

The other night I was called a fuck-knuckle
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:59, Reply)
Yay Frankspencer
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:59, Reply)
It's hard to take the piss out of you...
When nature's done such a good job of that already.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:58, Reply)
Popular in Dublin is.....
Knob Jockey. Nice.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:57, Reply)
One that still gets told periodically...
One of my best friends, Rob Snyder (real name, as I know he won't mind me sharing this, because he likes telling this story himself), is a total car geek. And I mean hardcore motorhead here- he once had a motorcycle magazine that had a cetnerfold of a Ducati, which I immediately named Snyderporn. And if someone went past in a Ferrari or some such, he would about start jumping up and down in excitement- a reaction that I named a Snydergasm.


So one day he and Richard and I were walking through a park near campus, and they were talking about cars as usual. Rob launched into a story about how he and his friends were watching the first Austin Powers movie and the others were drooling over Liz Hurley, but she held no appeal for him when compared to the convertible she was driving. He began having a Snydergasm as he was describing this experience.

"For god's sake, Rob!" I finally exploded. "DNA and aluminum don't mix! You're an evolutionary cul-de-sac!"

He stopped in his tracks and stared at me, and I wasn't sure if I should run or not. Then he cracked up...

That was about eight years ago. To this day he still tells that story as "the best insult I ever received".
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:56, Reply)
My 7 year old Autistic son
hasn't quite grasped insults yet, so he frequently tries to upset me by saying things like

"mummy you're just like a watermelon you are"
"daddy you're just like a car you are"

He's ACE!
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:56, Reply)
plop toes
so there
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:56, Reply)
School swears
Those shoes are well benny spazmo, so suffer.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:55, Reply)
your mum.

(, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:54, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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