At school
There was a kid who was both fat and ginger-haired. As you can imagine, many names were hurled at him, but the one that stuck was "Ginger fatty" - which made us howl with such hilarity that some of us dislocated our jaws and soiled ourselves simultaneously.

In our last year, a boy arrived from another town. He had quite prominent teeth and spots. In no time, some wag had christened him "Goofy pizzaface"! This was considered so funny that one girl laughed until she became epileptic and had to be sedated with opium injected into her heart.

But that wasn't the end. Our maths teacher was three feet tall, bald, had BO and wiped his nose up his sleeve. Our name for him? "Speccy four-eyes" on account of him wearing glasses! The first time I heard that, I immediately pissed myself and started hyperventialting with laughter until I became quite blue. Another boy, "Shitsmell Dawson" laughed until he inhaled his teeth, while "Menstrual Barry" (son of a Catholic priest) laughed himself stone dead.

None of these were as funny as our name for Miss Vagina, our music teacher. On finding out that her first name was Sheila, we teased her mercilessly until the class wit came up with the nickname "Poo plop". That name resulted in such gales of laughter that two kids imploded, another fired shit 18 metres from his arse and another (Kevin Swallows) metamorphosed into a 99 ice-cream cone, defying all known laws of biology and physics.

Is it Thursday yet?
(frankspencer, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 13:00, Reply)