This may sound strange...
but I know a relationship is going to end when my mother says so (and I'm near 30 years old).

She has figured out that all she has to do is say "I think you can do better" or "I'm not sure she's good enough for you." I may try to argue for a bit, but being the narcissistic bastard that I am, I will inevitably agree, and the current gf is out the door shortly thereafter.

She hasn't been wrong yet, and she's probably saved me from several near-chav experiences.
( kingoffools, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 15:05, Reply)

Women, eh?
I knew it was all over, when she came home early from work one day, and caught me urinating into her bent over father's anus, with the cat perched on top of my head.

She didn't even hang around for me to explain.
(Eertamai, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 14:57, Reply)

I knew it was over when...
...a South African girl I was dating years ago decided it would be romantic to sing/whine "If I can't 'ave you, I don't want nobody baby..." to me on a packed Northern Line tube. Stone cold sober and in the highest squeakiest failed-Pop-Idol-audition voice you can imagine without a hint of irony. I'm not a shallow person and if any one factor had been different, I might have appreciated the gesture, but there was something a little unhinged about it that made me cringe. I told her I had to break it off cos I was mentally ill. Which sort of became true, so er... let that be a lesson to anyone considering using a terrible lie like that to get out of something!
(codenamebonkee, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 14:57, Reply)

When she got back in from a night out
I was up for some dirty sex with the psycho I lived with. I pulled off her knickers and got down between her legs ready to start munching the rug straight away. Just as I was getting set I noticed someone else's man custard dribbling from her vag.

Over? Yes. Shouted at her for a bit then retired to the bathroom for a nice peaceful hand shandy.

Edit: Looks like davemission suffered the same fate - still at least I didn't start stirring the porridge ;)
(Rex_Mundi, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 14:26, Reply)

I knew it was over
Muggins here,

Was going out with what seemed to be a beautiful irish girl, used to run a pub in the city (Red Lion), we travelled Hong Kong, SA, generally had a great time, she was never eager to put her hand in her purse but hey, lock-ins and beers covered some of it....10 months later, one evening....'I want to take you for dinner', she says, 'I will pay!',(what new one here!) We go for a few beers/cocktails, she is currently ignoring her mobile which is ringing constantly, I suggest, she answers or switch it off. She goes outside, makes call, comes back, asks if it is alright if her friend comes? No problem, she is in the bar game, loads of friends that are unknown to me, goes outside makes call, comes back, explains its a bloke! No problem I say, goes out makes call, comes back....goes on to say that "Did I know that I was her best friend in the world?" Er, maybe! Was my response, out of the blue type of comment and her about to pay for an evening meal out as well! Alarm bells! She then proceeds to say that based on this somewhat new found status of 'best friendship' (apparently), could I advise her on her NEW boyfriend of the past 6 weeks..... who was due any minute!!!! Er no, but I did advise 'him' as he walked through the door as he knew nothing about her fucking me either!....anyway, usual stuff, told her to fuck off after deleting my number from her phone, congratulated him, warned him of what was going to be in the short term the most expensive fuck off his life, cheaper with a 'brass' quite possibly and to refrain from injecting her tampons with 'oven cleaner' when she does the same to him!!

Other wise not bitter really!!! (this was 2 years ago)

Glad to see the site back....

JL
(jellylegs, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 14:18, Reply)

hunchbacked tomato growers..
used to work in the mother of all greenhouses growing and picking tomatoes. work was very hot and very heavy, all day moving along jungle like rows of plants, always from left to right. started to have pain down the right side of the body and realised that only this side of my body was doing all the work all day.
one day when walking to the cafe for a rollee and a cup of coffee when the longest serving tomato team came out from their greenhouse and walked in front of me and my mate. it was hard not to notice the right sided deformed hunchbacks as they waddled along in front. walked right on past the cafe and right out the gate!!!
(dwbo, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 13:47, Reply)

My first job...
...was working as a waitress in one of those god awful "family fun pub" type restaurants.

I go up to check next week's rota one day, and notice my manager has given me an extra shift. I go up to her and explain that I can't possibly take this on, as I am revising for my A levels, and I was already working over the maximum recommended hours for students.

Much 'discussion' ensues, in which i make it clear that there is no way this job is more important to me than passing my exams. She winds up the discussion with "Exams are all well and good innit, but it's work experience that counts in The Real World(TM)"

I promptly resigned (and through a monumental effort refrained from pointing out that this advice hadn't seem to work for her).
( eponymous Oh!, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 13:38, Reply)

over, but i still went back!
Getting on this lad frm uni, we fell out over something stupid.He came home for the summer. Theres me thinkin that now hes home we can sort stuff out and maybe carry on where we left off. Go out to the local one day n i find out from other people hes now getting on my sister.Nice. Then he declares his regret and want to have me back.shud have left it there, *Sigh* but i took him back.
Then he calls me my sisters name.in the middle of foolin around.in his bed. Thats When I Knew It Was Deffinately Over!
Havent spoken since

I luv girth.
(Legs 11 last got some loving on, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 12:57, Reply)

Not about a girl actually......
I should have known it was over when the band (I play Bass)I was in had a photo shoot without me.

Then when I questioned them, they said it was a test shoot to see if the photographer was any good.I thought I'd go along with that.

Then the practices started falling through

The I saw the photos online - and they had a bassist with them.

What a twunt I am....

Anyone need a bassist in the West Country?
(Rockster77, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 12:49, Reply)

I knew it was all over when
the vast multitude of galaxies exhausted their gas supply for forming new stars, and old stars eventually burnt out, leaving only dust and dead stars. The universe became quite dark and, as the temperature of the universe approached absolute zero, quite cold.

Or something along those lines.
(gingernot, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 12:40, Reply)

It should have been over when
at a 10 o'clock interview for a job in a 4-11 year old's playgroup I was taken to one side by the boss, who asked "Have you had a drink this morning?".
They still gave me the job.
(gingernot, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 12:21, Reply)

I knew it was over when
I realised the person I hadn't had any genital contact with for 5 years of the 7 we had been together was also the same person defining what I could and couldn't do with my own penis!

This was actually brought home to me with a bang when I raised the possibility of getting a piercing 'down there' and was told in no uncertain terms whatsoever that that was definitely never going to happen EVER, or else. As they hadn't even seen my willy in the past 5 years and probably wouldn't even have noticed had I already had it done (separate beds by that point!), I went for the 'or else'.

It was sort of a reclamation I think.

It was pretty much the last straw on an already severely overloaded camel, and I wouldn't recommend it to others as a good way of exiting a strained relationship, but I'm now not only very happy with my piercing (just FYI a P.A. which wasn't painful to get done and healed completely in 2 weeks), I'm now also very happy in a new relationship.

You can uncross your legs now, men, I'm done!
( ..wil, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 12:15, Reply)

I knew it was all over when
my (ex) fiance screamed "THIS BUTTER WILL NEVER LAST UNTIL CHRISTMAS!" and furiously hurled a tub of merrigold across the kitchen.
In October.
But it was clearly doomed to failure when I pissed her mum's bed and tried to blame it on the dog.
(gingernot, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 12:13, Reply)

DOH!
I should have guessed it was going downhill when my long-distance girlfriend said to me, 'I think you should date other people.', 'Don't be silly', I replied, 'You are the only one I want, but it's nice to know you would be so cool about that!'. Turns out 'I think you should date other people.' meant she was shagging some French bloke at Uni. Bitch. Can't look at Camembert without crying.
(Angsty, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 12:05, Reply)

I was working for a small company
I knew the business had been struggling, but when the MD came back from a meeting with the Bank and called us all into his office, and was crying........I had a sneaky feeling it was all over.

On a happier note, I hated the job, hated the MD and he ended up losing his house/wife/credit rating and nearly his mind.
(Andy Pipkin, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 11:57, Reply)

I knew that job was over
I used to work for a small Printing Services in a town called Walsall which will go unnamed...it was a family business where Mum, Dad, Daughter and Daughter's Fiance worked. Dad was a cunt, Mum was a haggard old bitch, Daughter was a combination of the two and Daughter's Fiance was the biggest twunt I've ever met in my life. Apart from me there was another graphic designer called Dave who was soft as shite and put up with all the crap they threw at him, and two guys who worked the printing machines, who, it appeared, couldn't care less. I suppose I should have twigged when, after my interview, they gave the job to someone else who stuck it for a couple of weeks and left. Then they got someone else in who lasted a month. Then they called me. Hell, I was desperate.

Six months later, Daughter comes in saying "We're going to have a new work uniform, here's yours." She hands me a yellow sweatshirt, three sizes too small, with WPS across the front and obvious stretches where someone's breasts have been.
I say, "I can't wear this. It's a) yellow, b) too small and c) obviously made for a girl."
Daughter says "No, you will wear it, every day."
Since I spent all my time in the upstars office and never even saw a client, I quit that very day and moved to Leeds the next.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 11:50, Reply)

I realised he was a compleat twat
I kept meeting up with my ex-bf for drunken sex shenanigans, as he had originally chucked me to go back to his ex (we weren't in love so it was no great shakes, just a little pride-denting).

An accidentally overheard phone call in a Liverpool bar made me realise that he had gone on holiday with this broad to the Dominican Republic for two weeks, while we were going out! He said he was on holiday with his dad! No wonder the photos weren't forthcoming.

That was the exact point that I realised our friendship (based around getting fucked up on drugs and drink and then fucking up) was a little bit over.

Oh well, I was glad then that I accidentally gave him an STI.

Only joking.
(tickled_egg, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 11:44, Reply)

bloody hell
I knew it was over when she turned up back from Italy and called me to come out for a drink. Within a few hours I'd confessed all about how I thought she was the best ever, only to told I was 'really sweet' - I swear that will be the phrase that lands me on a murder charge one day.

I really knew it was over when we went to a garden party later in the weekend and she got drunk and fucked someone else's boyfriend right there in the garden. nice. a classy girl, and all the apologies in the world won't fix that one, bye bye...

where's the fucking romance/respect gone? this QOTW is getting me down
(bloodyHassocks, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 11:39, Reply)

Should've known...
it was over with the same twunt when one night I was talking to him in his flat... After being fed hundreds of shockingly absurd lies I was on the verge of walking out, and he knew I was suspicious...

I walked over to look out of the window, (past where he'd dumped his stuff after getting in from work) and with a panic stricken face he made such a desperate dive for his bag (containing mobile phone) that he slid across the laminate floor on his knees. The look on my face must've said it all (and I'll never forget the look on his), but he somehow continued to manage getting round me for a couple of months.

This was shortly after he'd made a dive at me when I opened his cupboard door, literally screaming "You f*cking bitch!" at me.

I won't go into the six months previous to this, still slapping myself on the forehead...
(spacecowgirl, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 11:27, Reply)

God, I'm slow
Should have known it was over when she tore up all the baby photos of my daughter and trashed her bedroom (bleached the Barbie dolls etc.)
... or maybe when she went for me with a kitchen knife
... or maybe when she went so utterly ballistic I had to call an ambulance to avoid one of us being seriously hurt.

No, I stuck it for 3 years of some good times interspersed with serious hysterics, self-harming and a couple of (six-month) stays at the psychiatric ward.

I knew it was over when she grabbed the steering wheel causing us to cross 3 lanes of oncoming traffic and end in between a couple of trees (and then proceeded to trash the inside of the car!) - This of course did not go unnoticed, and my licence was promptly removed because I was slightly over the limit, (& the car towed).
This was June 04 - my court case comes up this September (dangerous driving, DUI...) - shit!

Oh, btw, I am a total coward because 'I don't want to die'.
gee, got the shakes just typing this
(Plan_B, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 11:16, Reply)

Its time
Several years ago, an ex of mine left me a voicemail saying we should "talk". When i was out in Leeds, pissed up on a mates birthday.

I thought i would call her up to find out what was going on. I realised it was over after an hour on the phone getting nowhere and ending the call something like this...
me: [pause] erm actually you are wasting my time.
her: is that the way you really feel?
me: yes, now fuck off.
[hangup]

I then helped myself to more beer. And had a fantastic night.
(Fishbone-didi, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 11:07, Reply)

Not me but my sisters ex
My sister had to spend a year in Germany as part of her uni course so her and her 3 year long relationship bf decided to split while she was there.

Just before she came back to the uk he bumped into some of her friends

Friend-"how are you and Amaz's sis?"
Ex-"not together at the mo"
Friend-"is that because she became a lesbian?
Ex- "er, yeah....."
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 10:41, Reply)

I am Peter Parker
I told her we should never see each other again.

Her reply? "This is because you went to see Spiderman 2 last night isn't it!?"

My reply? "Eh?"
(Zutroy started without you, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 10:18, Reply)

"So you're honestly telling me you've never read a book in your life?"
"No! I have read a book!"
"Name it"
"Dave Gorman's Googlewhack Adventure"
( eponymous Oh!, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 10:12, Reply)

But I liked her so much it scared me.......
When after one night at her friends flat warming party in which I spent the night ignoring her, we were leaving along with a few other friends and she came to hold my hand and I bolted up the road over a fence and away into the night. Apparantly she started crying there and then and suffice to say the guys think i'm a legend and the girls think i'm sweet after I told them i liked her too much and i was scared which is why I ran away...........And they will never know unles they read b3ta.
(Jock McTavish, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 10:12, Reply)

i knew it was over..
..when i sent her an email. i woulda texted, but it would have cost me 10p

:)
(5lab, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 9:48, Reply)

It Was All Angels Fault
A break up that actually went pretty smoothly.

So we'd been married for 10 years, were pretty happy, still much in love with each other. Go out to dinner to celebrate the big One Oh, it's going well, life is good.

Then we start talking about what makes us tick, that kind of thing, and I casually mention that one of the reasons that I really like the show Angel is that it explores a dark (emotional) side of males (I know it doesn't really get into it, but there is a hint of it in a few of the characters that you don't see done often). She suggests by way of allegory that she understands a particular aspect of my personality. I don't find it to be true, and use another illustration to describe what I believe is actually the case.

We sit there for a bit, then she starts to cry (not unusual, as she's a bit emotional, but not loony).

We go home, and at about 3.30am, she says that she's not sure we should continue the relationship. I know immediately that she's right, so we break up. On our tenth wedding aniversary. Was pretty sure it was over then.

18 months later, and we're still great mates.
(Pleiades, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 9:24, Reply)

It was Valentines Day
We'd been to see a film, had a few enjoyable drinks afterwards and it suddenly hit me that I was no longer prepared to put up with the kissing with too much tongue amongst more intimate issues. I still took her home for shenanigans and then took a week to pluck up the courage to dump her. Over the phone. Felt like a right bar steward.
(Fellmeister, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 9:21, Reply)