Not a habitual liar, but definitely in a world of his own.
A very good friend of mine is a fellow I affectionately refer to as my mad artist friend, as that sums him up quite well. He's very talented- I've seen his sculpture and his paintings- as well as phenomenally intelligent. He can play chess like no one else I've seen, knows more about computers than anyone else I know, and has a memory that's truly frightening in its depth and accuracy- he can tell you, off the top of his head, the serial number of a copy of Windows 2000 he got as a bootleg, and can list the minor characters in Norse mythology in the next breath.

He's also madder than a box of frogs, lives in a basement apartment, chain smokes and lives on frozen pizza, Doritos and Diet Coke.

I've witnessed him telling the most outrageous bullshit to people, and because he's so brilliant he can almost always get people to believe him. He talks at machine gun speed, and always reminds me of Tom Waits' character in "Mystery Men", the mad inventor living in the abandoned carnival, because of his ability to weave in a lot of technical speak until you have no idea what the fuck he's talking about.

Anyway, he had a girlfriend who was also an artist of sorts, although her talents were considerably lesser than his. Apparently one day she showed him the painting she had just completed, and he was complimenting her on it profusely. So when she asked him to frame it for her, he agreed readily.

"Yeah, just go to Lowe's [a national hardware and lumber chain in the US] and get some wood for it. But don't get pine or some other crap wood like that- we need something special to make the frame. Go to the lumber department and ask the guys there if they have morning wood."

She returned a half hour later and started beating him.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 3 Dec 2007, 17:34, 2 replies)

Morning Wood
Reminds me of when I was working as a chalet host in a ski resort. One week I had some dutch guests, all in their 60s. They brought their own tea bags with them coz they liked a brew before breakfast and hitting the slopes. Said tea was called Morning Glory...

Caused stifled laughs when I saw it. Naturally they asked what I thought was funny. I was a bit ashamed (they were all really old and polite and all the rest) but I explained.

One of the old men looks me in the eye and I'm just thinking 'shit, they're going to make a complaint'

then with the most deadpan delivery ever just says: "In Holland we call it Big Fat Morning Cock".

I nearly cried when they left. Rock on old dutch guys! :)
(ComplexStuff Was confused by life on, Mon 3 Dec 2007, 18:55, closed)

Probably had 'special herbs' in it.

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Mon 3 Dec 2007, 23:06, closed)