She makes me ill.
Drunkenly told my brother's wife that she was attractive in a flirty, too pissed to realise the sheer brevity of what I was doing, heineken soaked haze. She did have nice tits though and the glimpse of cleavage was enough to bring out the trouble in me.

Thing is, I thought she'd forget or at least laugh it off as pissed cock-talk. But no. Every Christmas she forever flirts with me whenever I see her. Winks. Makes inappropriate innuendos in response to anything I say. In front of family. The dosey cow thinks it's our little secret. And this has been going on for years and years and fucking years.

Originally, when the event happened, she was a two-bagger at best. Now she's a hideous fat cunt who genuinely terrifies me.
(thorneyvilla, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 11:24, 17 replies)

Your bro is flaccid
or at best playing away.
Make hay while the sun shines m'boy.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 9 Mar 2012, 11:38, closed)

pfffft.
i proper like this.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 11:40, closed)

i feel your horror and pity your libido
however if you take a 25kg potato sack the kind made from brown paper you may b able to suffocate your self out of this missery
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 11:43, closed)

There's a lot of slapping when you have sex with a fat person.

(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Fri 9 Mar 2012, 11:45, closed)

you fucking love it, you slag.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 11:47, closed)

Maybe
you should get their consent, before you start?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 13:49, closed)

The movement causes the hunks of lard to slap against other hunks of lard on the body.
Its even louder when the skins wet with sweat and bodily fluids
(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Fri 9 Mar 2012, 14:08, closed)

"hideous fat cunt" hahahahhaha. Excellently put.
(beebolbod for those that are hard of hearing - LISTEN, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 11:54, closed)

This is ace.

( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 11:55, closed)

This to win.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 12:16, closed)

^What these fat spastics said^
This to win.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 12:32, closed)

I like this.
I also like the thought of you entering another Heineken-soaked haze at a future family Christmas and telling your brother that his wife's a hideous fat cunt.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 12:40, closed)

?
brev·i·ty (Noun)
1. Concise and exact use of words in writing or speech.
2. Shortness of time.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 12:52, closed)

Christ it's the grammar police. Okay I meant 'breadth' then smartarse. Or enormous. Huge. Colossal. Fucking massive if you will. Bit like the HFC's waistline. Perhaps I'll buy her a t-shirt next xmas with HFC printed on it in a stylish design. Tell her it's a chic label. She'd wear it too, as she's playing footsie with me at xmas dinner, Brrrrrrrrrr! The horror. The horror....
(thorneyvilla, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 14:11, closed)

at least
give her a sympathy fuck, you only live once
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 14:38, closed)

no, you meant 'enormity'
you should still win though.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 16:26, closed)

bum it

(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 23:57, closed)