How to cope with BASTARD ALIEN CUNTS
I've been around a fair bit, and during my travels throughout Time and Space have encountered many alien species, some of them nice, some of them nasty, some of them sort of meh. Here are my Top Tips / Life Hacks for dealing with the middle category.

Autons: Always carry a vial of Anti-Plastic which you can chuck on them and they will melt.

Axons: Trap them in a time loop that's sort of like a complicated figure of 8.

Androgums: Always carry a load of Pork pies, Scotch eggs, etc to sate the appetite of any hungry Androgum on uour scent.

Bandrils: Sock it to 'em!

Cybermen: Gold, radiation, gravity - almost anything works on these cunts.

Daleks: Fuck it, just run away.

Drashigs: If you have any pies left over from your encounter with the Androgum, now is the time to use them.

Eternals: These God-like beings are easily bored, so a Rubiks' Revenge should keep them occupied whilst you make your escape.

Fendahleens: Salt. As for a fully-developed Fendahl gestalt, you're pretty much fucked, so try to destroy its constituent parts with aforementioned salt before the gestalt can form.

Gastropods: Again, salt.

Gubbage Cones: Weedkiller.

Horda: Tuck your trousers into your socks and spray the pesky horde a Horda with Raid.

Ice Warriors: Simply turn the heating up.

Judoon: These 'Space Police Rhino's are sticklers for rules so when apprehended simply quote 'Intergalactic Treaty Regulation #347324 at them, and escape whilst they try to look it up (it doesn't exist so they won't be able to find it!)

Kastrians: If in male form, trip up with scarf. If in female form, seduce, but watch out for abrasions.

Krynoids: If infected with a Krynoid, simply lop off the affected limb. If confronted by a rampaging Krynoid, try some of that weedkiller left over from your tussle with the Gubbage Cones. If Krynoid has reached size of St Paul's Cathedral, an air-strike is called for, before the cunt reaches primary germination.

Monoids: A poke it it's single eye with a sharp stick usually does the trick.

Myrkas: You know what to do - HI-YAAAH!

Nimons: The Nimon waits for no man, so simply don't be there.

Ogrons: These stupid cunts are so stupid, so give them a piece of paper with PTO written on both sides, and make good your escape. N.B. Worth writing the acronym out in full, so thick are the Ogrons. N.B. They can't read, so this doesn't work. So perhaps just shoot them in the face.

Plasmatons: Don't worry, these are 'armless.

Quarks: These are more dangerous than they look - don't be fooled by their comical appearance. They quickly run out of energy, so wear them out by playing some sort of clever game of 'cat and mouse' with them until their power is as exhausted as you are after your twelfth wank of the day.

Rutans: Start a conversation about their interminable war with the Sontarans. As the Rutan rants on and on about their strategic military superiority over the Sontaran scum, make good your escape.

Sontarans: Start a conversation about their interminable war with the Rutans. As the Sontaran rants on and on about their strategic military superiority over the Rutan scum, make good your escape. (The probic vent thing no longer works, they've engineered it out).

Taran Wood Beasts: Tally Ho!

Usurians: Pull the plug!

Vervoids: If you have any weedkiller left over from your tussles with the Gubbage Cones and the Krynoids, now is the time to use it.

Voords: Yank their dangly thing, they will shriek and run away.

Wirrns: If you have any Raid left over from your escapades with the Horda, now is the time to use it.

Zarbi: If you have any Raid left over from your escapades with the Horda and the Wirrn, now is the time to use it.

HTH sweetiezse!

LAIGH8TERZZZZS!

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(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 1 Jun 2015, 16:38, 9 replies)

Life Hack
Avoid wasting your life by NOT posting this sort of shit and dying in a fire at a nice young age.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jun 2015, 16:41, closed)

Thanks sweetie!
But its too late I am already very very old!

And if I stopped posting here there would be tears before bedtiem all across this globe uou call Plnet Earth.

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(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 1 Jun 2015, 16:42, closed)

haha emvee you never know when to give up!!!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 1 Jun 2015, 17:32, closed)

I fear that, someday, some poor soul will attempt to read through the shit you post.
Save them the bother and die in that fire, yeah?

Cheers.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Jun 2015, 0:05, closed)

Oh, god...
You know the worst thing about this post?

It's that it's actually the best we're likely to get this week.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 2 Jun 2015, 14:16, closed)

In the b3ta race to the bottom
Skagra leads the charge, sweeetiezse!!

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(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 2 Jun 2015, 14:38, closed)

No way, emvee's deleted upset thread was pure gold.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Jun 2015, 15:16, closed)

must
try harder
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 2 Jun 2015, 22:16, closed)

Be more upset.
You could make a start by placing yourself in the midst of a large outdoor conflagration.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 2 Jun 2015, 23:25, closed)