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This is a question Look! It's me in the Local Paper

Most local papers will print any old rubbish. Far, far too many years ago I got into the Windsor, Slough and Eton Express after winning a fancy-dressed-bicycle competition. What they neglected to mention was that I was the only entrant.

What sad stuff have you been in your local rag for doing? Scan stuff in and show us if you can.

(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 10:15)
Pages: Popular, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

This question is now closed.

Wigan Reveller.
Sadly I won a competition in the local O'Neills pub for a weekend away for 2 in a Travel Lodge in Bolton (about 4 miles from Wigan and a very industrial town). Probably the most depressing prize ever given away.
This was during my student days when all I did was drink or work in O'Neills because my mates all worked there.

Any way the local paper got on the blower one morning for a quote and suggested "I'm glad I won the competion but I'm not looking forward to being away from O'Neills for the weekend because I'll miss the craic". I agreed because I was hung over.

I never did take the prize. And have been forever known as the the Wigan Reveller ever since the paper ran the story with the headline. Wigan Reveller wins weekend trip.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 12:28, Reply)
several times.
mainly school related.
when my school won an award for tidyness,I happened to be in the school council so i got to be in the photo with two other kids.

when my best friend won a fishing tournament,I was standing next to him in the photo.(he won $11,000!!)

when my boarding school won something(i'll edit if i remember what) me,my girlfriend and my best friend were in there simply because we were in the student council.

and my brother has been in the paper about six times for varying reasons.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 12:22, Reply)
Shaving
I got a pic in chat magazine once in the 'tips of the month' section.

My tip: put a carrier bag on the back of the chair when shaving your blokes head, so some of the hair falls in it.

Que pic of my bloke sitting on a chair with a carrier bag on the back of it!!!

Can't believe I got 30 for that!
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 12:19, Reply)
I once won £50
From the westmorland Gazzete playing spot the dog. Its like spot the ball but as this is cumbria there is a picture of a feild with some sheep and you must guess where the nose of the airbrushed out sheep dog is. Its the best game ever 100% of fact
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 12:19, Reply)
The Free classified Ads game
My local East Anglia AdTrader has carried a few of my adverts;

-Amazing bicycle! 7 wheeled machine with tyres from a John Deer tractor.
Requires five riders. Featured in Look East and competes under the name "Big Jordan" Must be ridden to be believed.

-Used and slightly soiled wedding dress, post box red pvc with see-through floral detail, would stretch to fit sizes 12-18 depending on occasion

-Champion Racing Pigeons. Two enthusiastic but inseparable male birds. Race under the names Rascal Big Beak the 3rd and Captain Coo Coo-ee. Good race success, but questionable breeding potential, hence price.

Their filth filter is quite challenging. But when you win, your Ad appears in print. Great game.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 12:16, Reply)
Newspaper reveals age of sexual partner
In 2002, When I was 22 years old, I woke up with an attractive young lady who I presumed was roughly my age. When getting dressed to leave in the morning, I noticed her face in a newspaper lying on the sideboard. Apparently, she had won a bizzare beatuty contest at the age of 16. Great!

Or not so great... the newspaper was dated 1986, making her 36 years old!

Well, I suppose it could have been worse. If the newspaper was dated 2006 or something, I would have been in real trouble.....
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 12:14, Reply)
My mum
used to work for the local paper so whenever they needed a generic kid to pretend to have hayfever, or pick strawberries or whatever, I got to do it. I was in the paper about 10 times.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 12:00, Reply)
Myself and fellow b3ta boarder Bitchpapa
once faked some UFO pictures in our local paranormal hotspot of Bonnybridge.

I thought the plan was rather ingenious - it onvolved a metal road sign, a can of black spray paint, a normal camera and a suitably curved hill. The exact technique is a patented secret.

We sent the pictures to 'The Falkirk Herald' with a covering letter, suposedly from an old lady who had been out walking her dog, then saw a mysterious black triangle in the sky.

We made the front page, but as a text-only piece.

Years later we found out that only a printing deadline had kept the photo off the front page - we should have sent it in a day earlier. The photo had been passed round the entire office and nobody thought it was a fake.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 11:49, Reply)
Testicles
When I was little we went to Butlins every year. When I was seven I turned up in the Butlin's new summer holiday brochure. I can't remember the photo being taken... but then I also can't remember sitting at the side of the indoor pool with my shorts twisted and my tiny pink pods on display for all the world to see.

The shame.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 11:48, Reply)
I hit the rag about 4 years ago,
In my vandalism years, removing fuses from lamposts... blacking out entire areas as the covers for the lamposts just lifted off... We (friend and I) were referred to as a group of senseless individuals who were intent on shattering the security in the community.

The council eventually shattered our reign of darkness of 4 weeks by replacing every lapost in our area with new ones, ones that I cant remove the covers, wven when pissed...



Length and Girth?
You love it really!
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 11:47, Reply)
Does local radio count?
I was once in a band that appeared on Radio Shetland.

We got to set a competition and everything. Only 3 people entered and the host looked at the names... "He's an arse, he's not getting to win. Oh... that's my girlfriend's mate - she can win all the stuff."

I am willing to bet Radio 1 operates on exactly the same principles.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 11:44, Reply)
james bond lotus comes to burton on trent!
front page stuff for the burtonmail at the time.
the car was in a bank's window on the high street. in the frontpage photo, walking down the street, is my ma pushing a double buggy with myself and my 3 year old twin sister in it.

yay.

i do have a photo somewhere.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 11:44, Reply)
I once won
4 in a 'Spot the Difference' competition in my local paper.

I think my mum still has the cutting.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 11:42, Reply)
backwater paper extraordinaire
The Avondhu - a local paper for local people, serving north county Cork...
Apparently after winning last year's all-irleand hurling final, I was one of the 50,000 or so cork fans who ran through police onto the pitch to celebrate. One of the most local papers you can imagine printed a front page crowd shot which I'm told might as well have been titled Mike, And Some Other People.

Now this paper is so small that local politicians advertise in it under the fantastic slogan of "Peace, Justice, and a third Car-Park For Fermoy"...
But if anyone could source me a decent copy of the front page I'd be eternally grateful... :)
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 11:35, Reply)
Me being interviewed for local radio.
"excuse me, mind if i ask you a few questions for radio merseyside?"

eh she was cute

"what do you think of the litter problem here in Liverpool city centre"

*looks around* there's a litter problem?

"yep, what do you think should be done to litterers?"

"we should shoot everyone with a lacoste tracksuit"

*laughs* okay, I can't use that. what do you think of on the spot fines?

"sure, anything to stop wankers dropping kebab containers

*laughs harder* Okay, I can't use that either, i'll get fired,

"well I think..." she thinks i'm being serious now and scrambles to put the mic in front of me

"Persistant offenders should be dragged into the street *makes a gun with my fingers* and shot in the mouth.

"okay thanks for your time. CYA!"
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 11:25, Reply)
When I was about 5 years old
The Lancashire Evening Telegraph must have been having a slow news week so decided to 'make one up'
A neighbour (Kevin, 4) and myself were photographed in a shitload of firemans foam (guffaw! no- REAL foam)with one of those little plastic pedal cars.
The caption was 'Kevin and his girlfriend Fiona get stuck in a snowdrift' - it was the middle of June as I remember.
This spurred on the gormless Kevin to come knocking on my door and asking my parents if I could 'be his girl?' cos his dad said that's how you went about making it official.
I cried for what seemed like days but was probably minutes.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 11:24, Reply)
As previously mentioned...
I work for a football club and, when our manager left the club a couple of years ago, we auctioned off all of his kit (shirt, shorts, socks, door plate and, um, his jockstrap...).

I was on the front page of the local paper - headline: "Even His Pants Must Go!", wearing all items of said kit with my legs up in the air.

Cant say I was too proud of that one...

Oh and I appear, quoted from time to time, as part of my job in both the locals and the nationals.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 11:23, Reply)
The Examiner (Fekking Photographers Prt 2)
The Examiner: Huddersfield's foremost journalistic nightmare of cheesily set-up camera shots and "pour grammer and Speling".

One nice snowy day, while cars where becoming headline material by getting some wheelspin, two mates and I were playing in the snow.
Students, aged 22ish, and having a laugh.
Greenhead Park has a molestE area of clean, neat, slightly downhill grass that any self-respecting geek would want to roll giant snowrolls on. We did. MASSIVE bastards. Two of them.
A photographer came along and snapped pictures, and then decided that they weren't good enough without a bunch of little sprogs all over them. He called over the entire under-12 population of Huddersfield.....

Cue Giant photo the next day... "These Youngsters enjoyed fun in greenhead park"


Pah. From engineering snow-ball GENIUS to Childish Twuntism: thanks to Shite Photographer.
That's me (dead center) getting low to make the snowball look moleste. and a mate sat on top, as far back as possible and low... to make it look moleste. and all the DAFT rent-a-kids stood in the forground, managing to make it look Tiny.

Should have read: "Earth's center of Gravity shifts as Stoned Students create Monster-Snowball Fiasco"

Other headlines next to the pictures read as "ON THE SLIPPERY ROAD TO NOWHERE: Rosey Hamilton recalls her nightmare journey during yesterday's gridlock in the snow" (she had to take a different road, and was surprised to find that it was slippery.. a nightmare to be sure.)
and "MEETING CANCELLED: Darren Grange tells of bitter dissapointment as snow forces cancellation of meeting. "We couldn't get the buns" says Darren (43), We knew it would spell disaster"
and "WHITEOUT GRIDLOCK CAUSES NIGHTMARE"... for god's sake.... it was 2" of snow. Tarts.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 11:20, Reply)
The Torch!
I grew up in a nice little town that has since turned into a total shithole. I never go back.

My local rag was called the Birtley Torch and I once made headline news with:

Birtley Boy Buys Vodka!

When I was a 13 year old nipper I used to work as a milk boy so I was relatively well-off compared to my mates. One week we were all going to a party so I headed for the local Spar shop and bought a bottle of vodka - Smirnoff I recall. I took it home and put it in my bedroom where, sadly, my evil older sister found it. When my dad got home she proudly brandished the vodka saying "Look what I've found in Joe's room!" Bitch!

My father, being an evil bastard decided to teach me a lesson. So he made me drink it. Neat. He also kept passing me fags and making me smoke them. He kept offering to play the piano and sing the sarcastic bastard. Anyway, the psychotic twat made me drink an entire bottle of vodka and then reported me to the police. Nice bloke huh!

Cheers

Legless
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 11:14, Reply)
Hmmm....
As a youngster, I was quite the talented chess player, and many a time I would be shown in the local paper for my chexploits... sorry, that was shit. Anyway, must have been in there about 10 times... in fact, pretty much every sodding time there was a chess competition.

I was also in there when my class at primary school was picked for "Class of the Week", which is just as pointless and boring as it sounds. So imagine the joy of the townsfolk when they turn to it to see a lovely photo... or what would have been a lovely photo were it not for the picture of myself giving the camera a V sign, with a bunch of people in my vicinity laughing hysterically. Imagine the joy also of my father, who has heard about the offending article from a friend, so on the way to our holiday destination, surprises me with his new-found knowledge by stopping in a shop to buy the paper, and then proceeding to rollock me. Balls... was worth it though.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 11:08, Reply)
one me, one not me
Well, i had a brief brush with fame in our local newspaper, a bunch of us at school were asked to spell out a giant letter H which i think accompanied an article about a closing hospital. For some reason.

Also my dad was in the same local paper many moons ago for being winched out of a helicopter and rescuing about 5 people from drowning during the gulf war. That one's not especially funny, but rather cool.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 11:05, Reply)
Fekking Photographers. part 1
1st time..... Sponsored Bike ride.... I was just getting my bike out of the car, and a bastard photographer comes up saying "hold on there sonny" and calls 9 million Chavs over and makes them climb in and around my car trying to get all of thier thieving paws on my bike.. *snap, snap flash*
Cheers lads. *photographer buggers off*
Next day "Helpful kids help Humpty to get his bike out of the car"
Yeah.... made me look like an incapable tard, didn't it. git.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 11:03, Reply)
this isn't me, but this headline in the Ealing Informer freaked me out momentarily

(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 10:57, Reply)
I held a fish..
I was in the newspaper once when I was about 8 for holding a fish...at the time, I couldn't really understand why the reporter came around to take a photo of fish but they were pretty big, apparently it was something about the biggest fish caught in some area or something. Quite lame really but I took the clipping in for show and tell the next day. Stirred up about as much interest as watching paint dry....I thought I was special...
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 10:47, Reply)
Not local to me
When I was at the Reading Festival for the weekend in 2001 me and a couple of crusty mates (it was the Saturday and we'd been sitting in the fields since Thursday) were wandering off to the town.
Along bobbles two ladies, one with a camera and the other with a proper reporters notepad.
Ask if we want to appear in the local on the tv page with a quote saying what tele programme we like bestest at the moment and why.
Mate1: Futurama. Is funny.
Mate2: Simpsons. Is amusing.
Me: Newsnight. Up to date and informative.
How amusing I am.
Even had mugshots taken. Covered in skank and 3 days growth. Not seen the paper. It was the Reading Observer or some such crap.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 10:41, Reply)
Local AND National
I've appeared in the local paper a fair few times as a youngster - one for winning a trip to a local steam railway, another for appearing in part of a Victorian restoration event at school (it's an old primary school). Picture here

Said school also appeared in a Daily Mirror article when it was after cash to buy a new building, including a picture of me and my school chums. That same picture reappeared, photoshopped, a few months later but with John Major's head on the boy sitting next to me. That was quite a shock, I can tell you.

Me with the PM (I'm the black haired boy behind - I was so cute, whatever happened?)
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 10:37, Reply)
Winner
Won a beautiful baby competition when I was 1, I hadn't been entered but legged it on to the stage mid show wearing scuffed shoes.

My brother still claims I won because the 'actual' winner went home...and the person in second place...and the person in third place...in fact I was the only one left.
Twat.

Goodness only knows what happened as I got older...

Also my best mate was headlines on CCTV for a local murder...that was funny.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 10:35, Reply)
About 4 weeks ago
For being a chemistry geek, with me wearing big geeky science goggles. Look in the Aberdeen Evening Express from the 15th of January if you can be bothered. I would post it, but im lazy.

Also about 7 years ago cos my cat went to Edinburgh in the back of a van and was lost for 2 weeks. Nice people found him, called us, and my dad went to pick him up by train. We still have that cat, and from that he's learnt never to go outside agian, the lazy fuzzball.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 10:34, Reply)
i won a halloween painting competition
when i was 5 - it was sponsored by the woolwich building society and i won a Henry's Cat kid's account with 10 in it. Had to pose for a photo in the local paper holding a paintbrush between my teeth.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 10:21, Reply)
i was in the paper twice
For fucking my chin, by crashing off one of those fairground slides. I sued em good!

And also, for bing the youngest entrant in the "Sunderland Bath Race", which is a race, involving baths, funnily enough.
(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 10:19, Reply)

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