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This is a question Look! It's me in the Local Paper

Most local papers will print any old rubbish. Far, far too many years ago I got into the Windsor, Slough and Eton Express after winning a fancy-dressed-bicycle competition. What they neglected to mention was that I was the only entrant.

What sad stuff have you been in your local rag for doing? Scan stuff in and show us if you can.

(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 10:15)
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The Torch!
I grew up in a nice little town that has since turned into a total shithole. I never go back.

My local rag was called the Birtley Torch and I once made headline news with:

Birtley Boy Buys Vodka!

When I was a 13 year old nipper I used to work as a milk boy so I was relatively well-off compared to my mates. One week we were all going to a party so I headed for the local Spar shop and bought a bottle of vodka - Smirnoff I recall. I took it home and put it in my bedroom where, sadly, my evil older sister found it. When my dad got home she proudly brandished the vodka saying "Look what I've found in Joe's room!" Bitch!

My father, being an evil bastard decided to teach me a lesson. So he made me drink it. Neat. He also kept passing me fags and making me smoke them. He kept offering to play the piano and sing the sarcastic bastard. Anyway, the psychotic twat made me drink an entire bottle of vodka and then reported me to the police. Nice bloke huh!


(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 11:14, closed)

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