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This is a question Lurid Work Stories

"I know a railwayman of 40-odd years' service," says Juan Quar, "and he tells me a new gruesome yarn each time we meet. Last week's was of checking the time on the wristwatch of a severed arm he'd just collected after a track fatality."

Tell us the horrible stories you tease the new hires with, or that you've been told.
NB By definition, these are probably all made up. Roll with it

(, Thu 5 Sep 2013, 17:33)
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30-40 years back I worked as a roadie for a well-known musician, who to spare his blushes shall remain nameless.
On one of his tours of the US he developed IBS and could never stray too far from a toilet. This came to be a bit of a problem on his tour bus, as the stench from the built-in loo got too much to bear. So the guys thought of renting out one of those toilet chairs that the elderly have, so after the star had done his business he could wind the window down and throw the contents out. He always had a laugh about this and we took the piss out of him, calling him an old codger and asking where he'd hidden his zimmerframe.
I left that line of work ten years later but still keep in touch with the roadies, some of whom he still uses, and spoke to one of them the other day. Apparently the IBS has returned with a vengeance and his rental commode has become a purchase. To the gentleman in question, should he be reading this, I have only this to say: "In 2013, now you own it."
(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 11:52, 14 replies)
NEEDS MOAR CAPSLOCK

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 12:30, closed)
is it adele? i bet she's backed way the fuck up

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 12:39, closed)
I'll bet her logs are like half a Dundee Cake.

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 14:11, closed)
I'd probably bum Adele.

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 14:40, closed)
you'd have to be careful not to unclog her mid bumming
it could be like breaking a valve on a water main
(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 15:11, closed)
Oh man that would be AWESOME!

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 19:37, closed)
IBS = alcoholic with a class A drug issue.

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 14:57, closed)
Buncan?
I don't get it.
(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 15:07, closed)
alcoholics and their "irritable bowel syndrome"
I do get it. So that's all that matters.
(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 17:11, closed)
If you already had a commode...
why did you rent it out?
(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 16:14, closed)
what?

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 16:22, closed)
Poor old Uncle Ted.

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 17:55, closed)
ps excellent work

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 17:56, closed)
DEMROT MOGAN 4EVA N R HARTZ

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 19:36, closed)

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