Old people are brill
My mum was having a cup of tea with an elderly neighbour recently. This woman is well into her eighties and has recently got herself a new boyfriend of around the same age. She was chatting about how great he was and everything, how happy they were to have found each other after losing their respective spouses...finishing with the immortal line: "But I won't let him do anal on account of my irritable bowel syndrome."
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Sun 9 Dec 2012, 12:04, 2 replies)

At least her boyfriend
wouldn't have had to worry about lube.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Sun 9 Dec 2012, 23:22, closed)

The old lady downstairs from us is in her late 80s, and, since the water tap for both flats is under our hallway floor, I give her a set of our keys whenever we go away, in case she needs access while we're away.
After one particularly heavy weekend away we were absolutely hanging, and immediately changed into dressing gowns in preparation for crap telly, toast and tea.

The doorbell rang, and there's Peggy with my keys. She's a proper owld East End gal, and looking at me in my dressing gown, asked "Awright Vaga, 'ere's ya keys. Goin' ter bed, are ya, my love?"

"Yes" I replied, "It was quite a weekend!"

"Gaw! Gimme ten years an Ah woulda joined ya!" she said chuckling, slapping my arm and winking.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 10 Dec 2012, 12:12, closed)