the worst sex i (n)ever had
was thanks to weed. i was at my ex's flat one weekend and somehow we had acquired a bag of it. now i hate smoking in all forms, so he was banned from smoking, even in his own flat. as compensation i agreed to bake it into brownies. i didn't look at all suspicious haring it around sainsbury's on clapham high street at 9am, buying nothing but a couple of boxes of chocolate brownie ready mix, oh no.

i am generally pretty bad at all forms of domestication, including cooking, and sure enough i managed to burn these things so they were like horrendous charred rocks. we choked one down each, and felt no different. so we had another. still no different. this was when we made our fatal error. we forced down a third one each, and then he went for a fourth. STILL no different. until we suddenly realised it was 3pm and we were still lying on his sofas generally staring at nothing and drooling at each other. then i decided i wouldn't mind sex.

"shall we go to bed?" i asked.

after about 20 minutes he raised his head. "oh yeah. i am so so hard for you now." there was a long pause.

"you make me so so wet." another very long pause.

"how wet?"

i thought about it. for some time. then i thought about it a bit more. "i don't know. because i can't move my hand inside my jeans to check."

"shall i come over and find out?" he suggested. and fell off the sofa. "tell you what, come over here and suck my cock."

"yeah. great. in a minute," i replied. and also fell off the sofa.

we woke up about 14 hours later having missed (i) lunch (ii) dinner (iii) my friend's birthday party and (iv) breakfast.

rookie rookie mistake… never think it's not working!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 16:02, 1 reply)

Shakespeare: ‘It increases the desire, but it takes away the performance.’

( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 21:34, closed)