I was asked some hum-dingers when I was in New York back a few years back..
'Do you guys have Christmas in England?'
'Have you guys heard of CDs yet over there?'
'How do the horses see through all that fog?'
and my personal favourite...
Why is England called England? I know Whales is named after Whales right? because of that's where the ships set sail from when they hunted them, yeah?'

I like to think that a similar wind up merchant to yourself had sown that particular seed. He'd had to have been told that, how else would he know of Wales, let alone it having a coastline.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 20:27, 3 replies)

I love fucking with people
....'do you have 4th of July in England?'
'no.....we go from 3rd to 5th'
'oh, is that cos we beat you in the war?......'
(nolongernuts, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 22:25, closed)

The answer to that one is,
'No, you didn't. The French had to do it for you, because your militias were shit, and we were kicking your arse. The USA wouldn't exist without the French, would it?' The when they inevitably start going on about saving our asses in WW2, point out that the war had moved to the Eastern front by then, and it was the Russians who saved us. The US sorted out continental Europe.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 3:25, closed)

And while you're at it,
don't forget to mention Vietnam.
(Mr Fudge It shouldn't be illegal to have sex with an eagle, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 9:30, closed)

I usually go with
'Yeah we have July the 4th, we just call it something different. We call it 'Thank God they fucked off. At least now there is a country that is more universally despised than us day.'
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 9:35, closed)

My favourite was "What language to people speak in England, then?"

Also, for different reasons, the question on the immigration form:

"Have you ever been involved in terrorism, mass murder, or ethnic cleansing?"

Well, I mean, define "involved"? And exactly how many counts as "mass"? Obviously, I'm not going to lie - what kind of rogue do you think I am? - but the question is rather vague...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 11:43, closed)

England is named after the Angles, of course
Cos we like geometry over here. Were all maths geniuses, don'cha know.

Yes, maths. Not math. No-one studies Mathematic.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 11:47, closed)

Upon marrying a yank.....
I was privvy to the following statements/questions....... and had to respond...

1. New wife's father, during first meeting with him:
"Do Yall have Pitzurh ova thayur?"
(internally) "Yes we're nearly 5000 miles closer to Italy"
(audibly) "Why yes, I guess so, although possibly not the same as you have over here"
(We ordered Papa John's)

2. New Wife's estranged Mother (via phone)
"Are yurrr folks rich?"
(audibly) "Not rich, not wealthy or well off, just at retirement age, they own their own house, enjoy a couple of holidays a year. I think i'd like to say that they have a rich and happy life"
(her) "Well good, cos she wouldn't know how to act around rich people"

3. Her mother to her
"You know, you're gonna have to learn a whole nother language over there"
Given that i'd just been speaking to her in English... I mean... ok... (oh, im English, from England, for the record)

Some Americans thing England is in London.
"Do yall know the Queen/Queen Mother"
"What do you call your dollars over there?"
"Oh you're so polite" (oh dear... no we're not, we're just putting it on for you...)
(Universon, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 13:06, closed)