Is 36 midlife? If it is, please lie to me and say no anyway.
The spouse and I are considering quitting our jobs, selling our house, and moving many, many miles away to a city I hate - just so he can go back to uni for the degree in physics he wanted instead of the one in engineering he did to please his parents. He spends most of his free time on his physics hobbies anyway, so having it pay money (do jobs in physics do that these days?) would be somewhat of an improvement.
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Tue 7 May 2013, 23:58, 10 replies)

Guarantee a future midlife crisis
by marrying the first fat munter who says yes to you
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 7 May 2013, 23:47, 4 replies)

I'm not much of a one for a crisis
letting things slowly drift away and fall apart is more my style, like an iceberg in the tropics.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 7 May 2013, 21:17, Reply)

I decided to stand up to the CIA

(JFK I need you like a hole in the head, Tue 7 May 2013, 20:40, Reply)

I will never play the Dane.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 7 May 2013, 20:32, 4 replies)

I'm 47 and I don't believe I've had one of these 'ere so-called crises.
Does this mean I haven't reached the half way point yet or that I've somehow missed the point and am about to snuff it? I think I should be told.

Does moving to another country 4 years ago count? Befucked if I know.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 7 May 2013, 18:34, 5 replies)

My midlife crisis was so long ago that the teenage trophy girlfriend I had would now be 35...

...Is there a name for the crisis you have when you realise that your midlife crisis was more than a decade ago?
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 7 May 2013, 16:45, 4 replies)

I shouted at a child in the street...
For making a loud clatter in the street. Turned out, a shower rod had unaccountably fallen in the bathroom.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Tue 7 May 2013, 16:08, Reply)

I couldn't afford a midlife crisis, so I bought a die-cast replica model sports car and looked at filth all afternoon.
The money I saved enabled me to take my wife for dinner at a posh restaurant.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 7 May 2013, 14:33, 1 reply)

Not me, but my Sibling
When she was pregnant, we were all a little concerned at how the labour might go. She has been known to have a foul temper at the best of times, usually accompanied by language to make a docker blush. Not good for the person on the receiving end.

The only words of wisdom I could think to pass on to her before she went into labour were:

Try not to make the Midwife cry, Sis.
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 7 May 2013, 13:41, 1 reply)

You will never be a fisherman

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 7 May 2013, 12:49, 1 reply)

You are never too young to be a grumpy old man/woman
I hit my forties more than seventeen years ago, so reading about thirtysomethings feeling 'mid-life' does raise a wry smile. Just wait until you have a bus pass in the cross-hairs, only then you you are allowed to feel like your life is on the glide path to the mortuary.
( notoolsovernight you're all luvvly an' 'orrible, Tue 7 May 2013, 12:19, 2 replies)

As I approach 40, I've started enjoying summarily judging people based on how they dress and what car they drive.
Soon I'm hoping to start shouting at children in the street.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 7 May 2013, 11:02, 8 replies)

A Cautionary Tale For the Not Single 30-Something Male.
If you're still with your wife
it's incredibly stupid
To try to cheat on her
with birds on okCupid
This kind of behaviour is quite indefensible
Your conduct, you cunt, really is reprehensible
Hope she leaves you, is happy, as memory fades
Whilst you die in a prison, from shanking, and AIDS
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 May 2013, 10:36, 19 replies)

Where has all this hair come from?
I've been fairly blessed in the hair department with no grey and not going bald.

Through out my youth, I was pretty hairless (arms, legs, chest) but suddenly, my back has turned into some sort of grizzly bear appreciation society.

Ditto nose & ear hair; the first time a barber trims your ear hair without needing to ask is a major turning point. Forget '40', these are the milestones we measure our lives with.
(LetsGetDownToIt, Tue 7 May 2013, 9:38, 1 reply)

A Cautionary Tale For the Newly Single 30-Something Male.
When you split from your wife
& overcome all that stress and strife.
You have to start your life anew,
including getting to have a peaceful poo.
You need to get your own place,
where you can regularly get off your face.
Remember when you were 17
& a bottle of bourbon took off the sheen?
Those days are back to stay,
to bed each night you'll stagger and sway.
That PYT at work you always flirt with,
it's time to take her out on the piss.
During the Fandango her screams will be shrill,
Your dick getting wet, it definitely will.
While you enjoy your fling,
your wallet will cry and your balls will sing.

But in the end you will find out,
that drinking all that piss will give you gout.
That girl whose bum you gave a slap,
was defo the one who gave you the clap.
And tho the kids & missus were a pain in the arse,
they're better than being alone and seeing life thru the bottom of a glass.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 7 May 2013, 9:03, 8 replies)

I'm having lots of sex with women half my age
I'll be 40 next year and I'm totally having an awesome mid life crisis
(Ol' Ginger Bastard a role model for the children, Tue 7 May 2013, 6:13, 7 replies)

My Uncle
has started wearing a baseball cap backwards...
(shake'n'bake Tally Ho, Biatch!, Mon 6 May 2013, 21:51, 2 replies)

I'm old enough to remember a time when people stayed about from your bins.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 6 May 2013, 19:23, 3 replies)

So we had a reunion, and some of us went to the nightclub we used to frequent back in those times.
We didn't care that we were the oldest in there; we were genuinely there for our collective company and the nostalgia hit.

Oh dear god.

First of all, it was fucking ridiculously loud.

Secondly, I didn't know any - ANY - of the music they were playing.

And then the Stone Roses came on.

So I grabbed a nearby friend, and screamed into his ear, "Oh YES mate! Come on!", pulling him to the dancefloor.

And just then, a very pretty, petite little 18 year old girl behind us likewise grabbed her mate excitedly, and likwise screamed into her ear "Oh yes! Let's go and dance to this ... I love all this old stuff!"

She lives under my patio now.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 6 May 2013, 18:05, 7 replies)

I moved in with my girlfriend
We are watching Antiques Roadshow.
(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Mon 6 May 2013, 17:58, 2 replies)

Too posh to type
I've started saving all my drunken antics in Word rather than type them time and time again.
(vikingaero Deilvered To Your Door in 30 mins, Mon 6 May 2013, 17:43, Reply)

I'm looking forward to it.
I already think that today's music is shit, that kids these days need to be disciplined (if I was being a mouthy little cunt I got a clip round the ear, never done me any harm) and the best part of a birthday is slipping on a new pair or socks or slippers (sometimes both!) and having a big glass of whiskey.
(Thor McLegend FUCK SHITPANTS PAC MAN, Mon 6 May 2013, 12:38, 18 replies)

It's perfectly legal to have consenting sex with someone born in
1997.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 6 May 2013, 12:13, 17 replies)

Brown
You start wearing brown. Or suede. or corduroy. And you think they all look vaguely cool, in a devil-may-care kind of way.

I won't listen to Radio 2 though, that's creeping death.
(rogerzilla, Mon 6 May 2013, 11:32, 11 replies)

Ok so I'm only 31...
But turning 30 was no fun. I really liked being a "20 something" but it was time for a change, time to give up the old ways, read depression, and try something new. So I took up anxiety instead. Much more fun!

Also I just looked at my profile: a member for 10 years, 2 months and 5 days. Good to see my error 404 message is still in use.
(emptyspace, Mon 6 May 2013, 0:30, Reply)

I didn't shout for a second encore because I thought I'd miss the last fast train.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 5 May 2013, 19:24, 2 replies)

I re-bought my youth
Years ago I sold almost my entire CD collection to fund a weekend out an the lash.
Over the last year I've picked up the Guns and Roses back catalogue (excluding Spaghetti Incident and Chinese Democracy, because why would I want the vanity project albums), all the Metallica CDs, Faith No More, including a couple on vinyl, a bit of Mudhoney and more.
However, I've not stopped at just replacing what I used to own but have started to buy up all the music I wanted but didn't have the money to buy at the time as well as band tshirts, wallets and merchandise.
If things continue like this I'll end up with a horrible tattoo, bedroom covered in posters and an inability to get out of bed before midday.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Sun 5 May 2013, 15:41, 20 replies)

Since it's in joke time.
Hahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahah!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 5 May 2013, 1:44, Reply)

Shed
I really do have a shed. Like a mancave except it's MY shed. I feel old.
( Bathory, Sun 5 May 2013, 1:01, 3 replies)