Suwon to Seoul
In 2009 my wife decided she was getting old and wanted to turn the clock back to before she met me, so our marriage ended suddenly. At the time we lived in a very nice new apartment in Suwon, a small town with a population of about one million about an hour south of Seoul, South Korea. I stayed long enough to tie up some things, and then got a very good new job up in Seoul working for a patent office. The hour-long commute on not one but two of Seoul Metro's busiest subway lines was killing me, so I quickly found a place to move up to Seoul.

At the time, I had an American friend who had no job prospects and was desperate for money, so I hired him and his Korean girlfriend to help me out. He would do the heavy lifting and she would help with interpreting. I can get around with my survival Korean skills usually, but apartment rental is so expensive that you can't afford any mistakes. For example, the tiny basement apartment I was moving to had a "key money" deposit of about 6016 GBP, with rent aruond 391 GBP per month. If that sounds bad, my current apartment has a key money deposit three times higher, and rent's somewhat lower.

So, we hired a professional mover, and my friend and his girlfriend came down to Suwon to help. Well, she arrived on time, but he got lost in the bus system, drank too much soju, and was vomiting all over a bus terminal by 1pm and was a couple hours late.

Eventually I packed all my belongings into a truck and left the rest to my ex-wife (whose mom owned the apartment I was moving out of). The truck only had room for three people though, so I ditched my friend in favour of his girlfriend.

Also, we had to keep my two cats Millie and Buster in the cab with us. I held Millie's case on my lap and opened it so she could crawl onto the dashboard in front of me. My friend's girlfriend held Buster's travel case on her lap, with the door open pointed toward me so I could comfort him.

About 90 minutes into the trip, Millie decided she couldn't hold it in anymore. She leaned back off the dashboard and shat out a couple days' worth of excrement. On its way down it grazed my right knee and ended up somewhere below me where I couldn't reach it.

Then the stench caught up to Buster's nose, where he was hiding in his case on my friend's girlfriend's lap, looking out toward me. He barfed right onto my crotch area, which continued to be damp for the rest of the trip to my new apartment.

I probably could've gone crazy, but I did the only other possible thing and broke into laughter. Long, low, and crazy, realising my predicament and the lack of an immediate solution.

And that trip took another 30 minutes, exacerbated by firetrucks tending to a fire along one of the roads we needed to take. During which, the whole time, I sat there with crap on my leg and barf on my crotch.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Thu 8 Jan 2015, 15:25, 11 replies)

A small town with a population of about 1 million?

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 8 Jan 2015, 15:41, closed)

Asia, innit?
I lived in a small Chinese city with a population of 5,000,000 for a year.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Thu 8 Jan 2015, 16:24, closed)

Yeah, but that is 2% of South Korea's population.
That is roughly the same relative population proportion as Birmingham, which is the UK's second largest city.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 8 Jan 2015, 16:36, closed)

I see what you mean.
Although the UK isn't a good comparison, as it's like Thailand; the capital has such a large population relative to the country's total that other cities are small, but 2% of total still counts as big.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Thu 8 Jan 2015, 20:18, closed)

Which one?

(McChinaman banned, Thu 8 Jan 2015, 20:25, closed)

Five million?
There's an Asian term for that: the sticks.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Fri 9 Jan 2015, 14:34, closed)

tl; dr - Cat's are crap.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 8 Jan 2015, 16:37, closed)

I initially missed the fact that Buster and Millie were cats.
This greatly improved the story.
(speedevil, Thu 8 Jan 2015, 17:53, closed)

Wasn't "crap on my leg and barf on my crotch" the first film made by Veronica Moser?

( broadsword w⚓, Thu 8 Jan 2015, 17:54, closed)

It was the sequel to "queef in my ear"

( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Thu 8 Jan 2015, 21:55, closed)

It all sounds a bit Seoul
destroying.

Thank you thank you. You've been a lovely audience. I'll be here all thread.
(Rise and Fall of the Atomic Cabbage Haven't you heard of suspension of disbelief?, Fri 9 Jan 2015, 13:20, closed)