Peter Beardsley
My friend spotted the taxi driver with the "Mr Beardsley" sign at King's Cross. Despite being unfathomably drunk, I managed to prop myself against said taxi driver until Beardsley arrived. The crooked-faced chimp-genius had his family in tow, all of whom I kissed. I managed to persuade him to sign the match programme "If I was a gayer, you're first in the queue, love Peter Beardsley". Unforgetable. If anyone cares that much, I'll scan and post the programme...
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Thu 25 May 2006, 18:16, Reply)

Look at Me.
I was at a private view at the National Portrait Gallery where the mighty Suggs from Madness was in attendance. He spent a large amount of time trying it on with various ladies. His well rehearsed technique was to announce - "I'm Suggs"... The twat.
( scoshi pretending to diet since, Thu 25 May 2006, 17:54, Reply)

Andy MacNab
Met him at a book signing [and subsequently have twice had dinner with him and an odd drink - along with 100 other people].

To be honest, he was ordinary. Nothing to write home about. I somehow expected a cross between Sgt Apone from Aliens and Hilts, The Cooler King, from The Great Escape.

edit. I expect he would think this a compliment
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Thu 25 May 2006, 17:49, Reply)

Catherine Zeta Jones
Is fit. Anyone who denies this is quite frankly wrong.

When she was in Darling Buds of May, she came to Meadowhall to open the cinema there. I met her there. She wasn't as fit in real life. I prefer to lust after her on screen now.

That is all.

Apologies for lack of Hummous, but my dick is huge.
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Thu 25 May 2006, 17:45, Reply)

....Bit of Metal
Ive had the bitch from Cradle of Filth mutter seveal times that my Gf's t-shirt was a bootleg (like they arnt making enough anyway). I was invited for a beer at download by Dani filth, but declined. I met "some" metal band called otep, when we met them and desperatly trying to work out who they were (posing for autographs at ozzfest 2002 @ donnington) My mate chirps up and asked for the "Fit lead singer who everyone knows". Other people inc variouse has-bins from 80's hair metal bands.
((((InfraSound))) SUNN0))) > YOU!, Thu 25 May 2006, 17:40, Reply)

Off Topic But Hey, Who Isn't?
About as off topic as most in here and didn't even happen to me, but reading through the others, I saw a Darth Vader reference and remembered this.

My mate, Dave, was at a comic convention with a few celebs who were all selling ink for £25-£40. He gog to look down Marina Sirtis's top and swears he saw nipple, but that's not the best bit.

He turned a corner and was faced with Darth Vader and several Stormtroopers marching toward him. Without a split-second of a pause, he went into the whole "you cannot frighten us with your sorceror's ways ..." speech, hoping that Darth would play along.

Fair play to the pretend Darth, he did a Sith grip (or whatever it's called) and Dave collapsed on the floor, choking.

In his tiny geek mind, life will probably not get any better until he finally finds a girlfriend (he's 28).

No apologies for length - one should always be proud.
(Ted P 8 0 M F G 6 0 1 0 4 7 3 6 5 +, Thu 25 May 2006, 17:34, Reply)

met Paddy McGuinness
in a liquid night club a few weeks ago. in a drunken attack i shook his hand and all he said was "how do mate!" ...legend

maybe not designed for this question but i just thought id share
( m-a-t-t -- formerly mini hasn't been on here for EVER!, Thu 25 May 2006, 17:22, Reply)

Saw Isla Fisher in a club in London a few years back
Not so much a hero as a girl whose knickers I had desperately wanted to get into.

She was tiny. In all seriousness she resembled nothing so much as a lost 9 year old.

In the time it took me to recognise her, she went from sex goddess to kiddy fiddler's delight.
(Garnett, Thu 25 May 2006, 17:16, Reply)

Don't Draw a Penis
I have four people I'd like to meet - Jonti (Weebl), Simon Pegg, Derren Brown and ... ummm, I can never remember the fourth ... it might be Evangeline Lilly simply because she's hot.

Anyway, I went to a Derren Brown show and managed to persuade him into letting me onto the stage. He did the old "draw something" routine and - like he did with that fella off League of Gentlemen - advised me not to "draw something obvious - like a house, a stick man ... or a penis".

It all went fine; I assumed (wrongly) that I was much cleverer than him and would 'win' and he basically spent ten minutes taking the piss out of me in front of a packed audience.

Cock.
(Ted P 8 0 M F G 6 0 1 0 4 7 3 6 5 +, Thu 25 May 2006, 17:16, Reply)

Another not disappointing story :)
I met Dick Valentine from Electric Six the other week, he did a small acoustic solo tour and I was lucky enough to be not revising and happened upon it and ordered tickets straight away.

Was not disappointed at all! He was strolling round drinking and chatting while the support acts were on and he was happy to talk with us for a good 10-15 mins over a cold beer ;)

Top bloke :D

A bunch of us also got to sing onstage with him! wooot!
( MetaFarad loves to TANZEN!, Thu 25 May 2006, 17:06, Reply)

Douglas Adams
Who is a top notch gentleman. I interviewed him for the radio quite a time ago now, still one of my proudest memories. Oddly enough though he reminded me of Chris Tarrant.

As for meetings celebrities who are twats... I used to work in a bar frequented by the Warrington Wolves. Cnuts, the lot of them. A friend of mine used to interview celebs on a regular basis, and told me the bigger the celeb is the nicer they are. For example, someone like Michael Jackson (pre-weirdo) is actually quite nice, but someone like Liz Dawn (Vera Duckworth off Corrie) is a bitch of the highest order.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 25 May 2006, 17:04, Reply)

Oh Happy Day
Im a big fan of the god that is tony robinson, so it was a happy day when i found out they were doing a live ep of time team here in leicester. Off i went to the god forsaken village that it was in where some woman had found some missing link thingy in her bed of daisys. Anyway at the end of filming i went over to him to get the all important photograph which ended up a good one, but to top it off i found myself in the local with him having a pint talking about maid marien!

Oh and on another note i called Peter Taylor a wanker for fecking up Leicester City. Your teeth aint so white now are they nobby.
(That Would Be An Ecumenical Matter - If I Was Cilla Black,Then Id Have A Ginger Bush, Thu 25 May 2006, 17:02, Reply)

Rory McGrath
I saw him wandering around Strawberry Fair in Cambridge trying to get people to recognise him. I saw everyone else trying to avoid eye contact. No hero of mine, so I definitely wasn't disappointed.
(lolwhites, Thu 25 May 2006, 16:57, Reply)

Jake Burns
has been my one true hero for as long as I've had one.

The second time I saw him was at a Stiff Little Fingers Gig in Oxford I was right at the front with my girlfriend and having a great time engaging in some dancing/hero worship

This is where it all goes wrong

A twunt behind me had been shouting 'Suspect Device' (the title of a song) for about 15 minutes and Jake Burns getting confused points at ME and says

"There's a young man here who's going to have an aneurysm shouting out songs we all know are going to get played"

which I thought was mortifying enough until Bruce Foxton starts blowing kisses at my girlfriend and they get involved in some on stage photoshoot giration.

You cut me deep Jake.
( WormuIus, Thu 25 May 2006, 16:57, Reply)

Not exactly a hero
In fact, far from it, but Dawn French and Lenny Henry have their kid at my school. Lenny Henry's all right, but Dawn French is a grumpy, angry woman. And their nanny (or au pair, or whatever) can't drive - she destroyed part of the junior house's fence with their ridiculous range rover. Bah.
(asdfasdfasdf, Thu 25 May 2006, 16:47, Reply)

bad and good
As a graphics student, Terry Jones (as in ID, not Monty Python) was a huge hero, and i went to a lecture of his. He stood at the front and complained about how he wanted the slides to project over the video projection on the screen, but how when it was happening it was too bleached out to see. Everyone in the room could see the failed logic of this but him. Twat. He was a gimp of the highest order, rude to everyone in the room, including the crew and guests, and he left twenty-five minutes into the 'hour-long lecture'. Basically, he was a brat. I was glad he went so I could see Peter Saville being charming and debonair, not to mention improvising with a stuck slide image.

My friend went to the filming of the Fist of Fun tv show (dates me horribly). As part of the warm up act, Lee and Herring grabbed a few members of the audience up to make something out of Blue Peter-style 'household items'. My mate went down, and made something a bit crap, but apparently gave a very funny response for it, and the audience laughed heartily and long. Stuart Lee's response? "f**k off you c*nt, we'll do the jokes". Not even mockingly, it was under his breath, and Richard Herring apparently caught my mate on the way up to apologise. ooer.

Steve Coogan was disappointing, only because he was so unerringly and flatly rude. However, I've since heard he's sorted himself out and is a much easier fellow now.

Nice people: Johnny Depp is nicer than you expect him to be, and i expected him to be nice anyway. Peter Gabriel (look, i was banned from viewing TOTP as a child, and had only my dad's prog rock and blues to listen to, ok?) is a very, very nice man, if a little odd round the edges, as is to be expected. Tony Head isn't a hero, but I feel it should be put out there that he is a disarmingly charming and funny man.

Lastly and most splendidly:

I once stood near Douglas Adams. He was huge and very nice.

p.s. tartful splodger, i concurr - Van M is a twunt of the highest order. I was walking through Bath when at Uni, in the most foul mood ever, and took a corner quite sharply. He was standing there, quite still, then suddenly walked into me, trying to shoulder me out of the way. Like I said though, I was in a foul mood, so he probably wasn't expecting the little lady he was faced with to stand their ground and say very loudly "watch it you fat fucking git". I have never seen a man run away from me faster, even when I'm trying. My old hairdresser was also his, and has many quite frankly libellous stories about him, which i won't share here as I don't want to get lovely b3ta into trouble...
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Thu 25 May 2006, 16:46, Reply)

The Other Two
This happened to a friend of a friend, but it IS a true story.

He was out with a mate in Manchester 15 years or so ago, and they were in a pub, when he noticed that his mate kept staring at three people sitting at a table opposite. One of the blokes went of to the gents, at which point his mate went over and spoke to the other two, coming back grinning.

"What was all that about?" my mate asked.

"Well, I've been looking at them for ages, because I thought I recognised the bloke who went off to the gents. So I went over and asked them if they were with the lead singer of New Order. And, yes, it is!".

"Great," says my mate, "You know how New Order is Bernard Sumner and Peter Hook, plus the other two? Well, the two people you've just spoken to - that's the other two".
(Steve The Monkey, Thu 25 May 2006, 16:43, Reply)

Mark Lamarr and more
Being a muso, I meet a few celebs. Met Mark Lamarr - he bought me a coffee and we talked for an hour or so. He really knows his music, and seemed like a decent bloke.

Den Hegarty (ex Darts singer and host of Tiswas after Chris Tarrant) is in a band with me. Very intelligent man, if a little wierd until you know him. Good bloke.

Met Sally James at a gig too - she's STILL stunning, and I turned all 14 years old again!

I could tell you about a bunch of American top-40 stars from the '50s, but you lot wouldn't know who I was on about.

Oh, and David Owen is nice, and Margaret Thatcher was also very pleasant to talk to. Mind you, that was at my Great-Uncle's memorial service, so I guess they would be really.

Oh hang on, you wanted dissapointing ones? Sorry, never met any. I just treat them as equals and get on OK.

no apologies - you asked the question.
(zarf, Thu 25 May 2006, 16:41, Reply)

Reign In Blood
I decided not to go and say "Hello" to him, what with him looking scary and that, but I saw Kerry King from Slayer in a record shop in Birmingham a few years back, the day before they played at Ozzfest.

He was browsing through Slayer CDs.

The phrase "I wouldn't bother, mate, Slayer are shit" luckily got stuck in my throat...
(Steve The Monkey, Thu 25 May 2006, 16:39, Reply)

hasta la victoria siempre?
worked a few years ago in alnwick garden cafe. on the official opening day prince charles came to visit and gave a speech, in which he proceeded, without the merest hint of irony, to tell the cafe staff off for listening instead of serving coffee - no doubt on a tip off from his mate the duchess of northumberland who liked to click her fingers and demand table service, even though the cafe was self service, thereby having earned the manifest simmering hatred of all the staff. many times i thought "try getting a fucking job you pampered anachronistic inbred twat", but being young and hard up i did nothing.. i know where the fuckers live, who's with me??
( octopus footwear raaa, Thu 25 May 2006, 16:28, Reply)

Daley Thompson
My dad was in a 10k road race at Telford one Saturday, there was also an Athletics competition so the rest of the family sat and watched that while dad raced. The star attraction was Daley Thompson, who was taking part in a handicap race for charity (no pun intended).

Excited to meet the cheerful, smiling sporting star off the TV my sister and I went up and asked for his autograph. “Fuck Off!” was his response.
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Thu 25 May 2006, 16:27, Reply)

I was tricked by PJ And Duncan.
When I was little I thought PJ And Duncan (now Ant and Dec) were great. I went to see them in panto-mon-mine at Lewisham, and was bought up on stage for the audience-participation part.

Me, and two MUCH OLDER children, were given musical instruments. I had a squeezey-horn thing. We had to "play" them in order to make a song.

Only my one would not, and I was terrified. 100s of people watching me and laughing :( This went on for AT LEAST AN HOUR.

Once the laughing had died down, DUNCAN took my horn musical instrument and squeezed it and low-and-behold it worked perfectly (infact: a man in the soundbox had pressed a button to make it sound like it had, it was a dummy one). They gave it back to me, still didn't work, they took it back, it worked, they gave it to me, AND I FUCKING CRIED AT THEM.

All I remember now is crying, a giant goodie bag, and a life-long loathing of Ant and fucking Dec.

/fumes
( stevierar, Thu 25 May 2006, 16:25, Reply)

Theo Walcott
Not a hero of mine (i'm twice his age), but i bet most stories wont be about heroes just celebs

Turned upto a badminton club night last summer, and Theo was playing badminton. I didnt even know who he was, even after being told by a southampton fan.

Any way he was crap at badminton, i hear he's a bit better at football.
(loquis, Thu 25 May 2006, 16:23, Reply)

norman wisdom made me freeze
i used to work on a small used car site in deal (kent), one boring day i saw an old man browsing round and bowled out in my usual confident salesman manner to be face to face with Sir norman of wisdom saying hello and waiting for me to recognise him and pass the time of day, i completely froze, sort of mumbled" can i help you?" to which he just smiled and walked off, i was left gutted, emotionally drained and embarrassed at being stagestruck by a diminutive old man who i actually never thought was that funny anyway, by the way his sister lives around the corner.
also barry (ex eastenders) pops into my current garage quite frequently but i make a point of avoiding him because i think he is king of all twats. apologies for dullness and length
(faquar lives, Thu 25 May 2006, 16:22, Reply)

take it like you love it!
a friend, John M he worked for the BBC in Cardiff nothing important just a production assistant. one Thursday "Question Time", politics Q & A show for those who don't know, was being done in St. Davids Hall Cardiff, the ever so high and mighty and self righteous presenter, no name but his brother is Jonathon Dimbleby, has a hissy fit because the T.V. supplied in his dressing room is too small and john is tasked to sort it out which he duely does. unfortunately the new telly wouldn't fit on the existing stand so had to go on the dressing table so he puts it on there but knocked over Mr. Ds' briefcase and what falls out? Hardcore BDSM porn & contact mags, not just one or two but shit loads so next time you wacth his smug face just think "bring out the Gimp" and try not to smile.
(the tartful splodger, Thu 25 May 2006, 16:15, Reply)

A bit obscure but
I met Dan Lilker and John Connelly and comprehensively outdrank them, which came as quite a surprise.

If you need to ask who they are, I wouldn't be surprised. If you don't need to ask who they are, you rock.

Edit: Yes they were heroes of mine at the time, "Survive" by Nuclear Assault was never of my record player. And I just remembered after the Newport Metallica gig Hetfield and Ulrich were down at TJs, taking up all the fucking space at the bar and acting like utter wankers with their "needy enough to want to be seen in a no budget club but don't you fucking dare speak to us" attitude. Why was Cliff Burton taken when he was worth ten of those cunts?
(Rhye, Thu 25 May 2006, 16:14, Reply)

footballers
A certain place I used to work was open late at nights and sometimes footballers would visit for the evening, tending as they do to have more money than sense.

One visit sticks in my mind. A certain footballer, immortalised for getting a wee bit upset in a certain international competition, and supposedly "on the wagon" showed up. Shitfaced. And he stayed until he was broke. Then he tried to borrow money from the other customers. Eventually he stumbled off into the night. He offered to shake my hand, but I declined politely.

Didn't know it at the time, but talking to the other staff members, he'd apparently been ejected a couple of years previously for cracking one off under the table. Lucky escape!

Also met (another time) Nolberto Solano, who is a top bloke, and his wife is as fit as fuck.
(puerile is really getting into seagulls lately., Thu 25 May 2006, 16:13, Reply)

In a work capacity
I met the minister for something in a small room.

I farted all sneaky like... She wrinkled up her face and everything.....

So my claim to fame is the minister for something sniffed my bum gas and didn't like it...

Which is fair enough, i was on form. I was 24.

She wasn't my hero but the only famous ish person I've seen
( Mrfishfinger .com, Thu 25 May 2006, 16:07, Reply)

Darth Vader (the real Dave Prowse Vader... not some poof shouting "NOOOOOoooo!")
I was about 5, and Darth Vader visited the local toy store in Purley.

I went along wearing the jumper my Grandmother had knitted for me (which had a knitted picture of ol' Darth on the front)

He seemed very tall in that suit... he towered at least a foot over my dad...

Darth sees me looking up at him and proceeds to pick me up by the collar and demands to know where I got that jumper... The emotion I felt was a strange mixture of awe, pride and absolute terror. Didn't cry though :P

Dad didn't seem to worried that his only son had just been hoisted up by a 7ft high Dark Lord of the Sith...
( Beastie is doing science with his arse, Thu 25 May 2006, 16:04, Reply)

Van Morrison
when i was stationed in northern Ireland a mate and i were off duty and in a bar near the seaside town of Bangor, Helens Bay for those who knowit. He is/was a massive fan of Van the Man. Low and behold who's in the bar but the man himself, now my mate being the respectful sort went over and said "excuse me sir, but I'm a massive fan and I'd just like to say how much I've enjoyed your music. Could I buy you a drink?" Mr Morrisons reply: "fuck off Cnut" nice guy eh?
(the tartful splodger, Thu 25 May 2006, 16:03, Reply)