Impressing your mates
I was never big on nightclubs as a youth: my preference was for classical music, and my main hobby at the time was playing in a youth orchestra. Some might have called me square, I preferred 'cultured'. I grimace at the thought of it. Anyway, friends from school were going to a nightclub near Wolverhampton, Rumours I think it was called, and sneeringly making the assumption that Ruddles wouldn't go.

Well I'd had enough of being thought square and decided to go along with them. So on the appointed night I met up with some mates, me wearing the one jacket and tie I possessed which did not form a part of my school uniform (for Rumours was so classy it had a dress code). We rolled up at the club, me feeling nervous as I had no real idea what to expect.

We lied about our age, paid and went in. Immediately my 'mates' all headed off to meet up with everyone else from school, and I was lost in a nightmarish hell of dry ice, flashing lights and loud music. But lo, a beautiful vision appeared in my sight: it was someone I know from orchestra, let's call her 'J'. She's the only girl I have ever met who was a bona fide nymphomaniac. And I'd got to know this from practical experience on a tour with the orchestra (to hear the full story you'd better hope the 'one time on band camp' QOTW gets chosen).

J rushes over to me and gives me a big hug, then takes me by the hand and introduces me to a crowd of her (female) friends, for she was at a girls' school. Suddenly I'm being introduced to a crowd of pretty young girls, all very pleased to meet me. Moments later I'm boogying with J as only a 17 year old clarinettist can, and a few more moments later we're playing tonsil hockey in the middle of the dance floor. The night's a bit of a blur but we ended up groping each other most of the evening, and I left with her instead of my school mates. Actually she more or less dragged me out of the club with a sparkle in her eye and a boner in my pants.

So next week at school I went from being Ruddles the square to being Ruddles the sex god. Didn't raise my opinion of nightclubs though.
(Smale is stuffed, Thu 9 Apr 2009, 8:53, Reply)