She was only apeloverage's daughter
But she was also his sister (incest, you see)
(frankspencer, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 14:14, Reply)

baa baa
baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa

*Translation*: Almost lost it, but tarbin couldnt catch me
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 14:12, Reply)

The best piece of advice I was ever given...
...is don't be too late to post for QOTW






Fucksocks
( Ogwen69 has been ignoring X-Factor since, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 13:28, Reply)

she was only Banjo Patterson's daughter

but I romanticised her bush.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 13:16, Reply)

extra verse

The first man I had
I was only sixteen
he was older, much older than I
he taped me The Cure
and called me mature
and said that he'd call, but he lied.

The first man I had
was as old as my Dad
and he'd chase anything wearing pants
the most worthless of men
I won't see him again
though I would if he'd give me the chance.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 13:13, Reply)

she was Henry Lawson's daughter
(give or take a generation)
when I laid my eyes upon her
there was movement at the station.
So I quickly wrote these verses
with the aim that they would court her.
She was very unimpressed with me
was Henry Lawson's daughter
(give or take a generation -
did I say that? I'm forgetful)
and I wondered if my parody
was seen as disrespectful.
So I put that theory to her
and she said "it doesn't matter son
I think the guy you're thinking of
is A.B. 'Banjo' Patterson".
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 12:21, Reply)

Boobs *sigh*
I was a very happy 13 year old, going out with a girl I was smitten with. After some months going out with her, I actually made a tentative move, when she was half asleep (fully clothed of course) to touch her breast - she appeared to wake up a bit, so I hurredly withdrew. Shortly after that we split up, having done nothing except snogged.

It was only years later that I found out she'd been suspended from school for having sex in a classroom - at age 11! So it was only then I realised it probably wasn't tentatively touching her boob that made her dump me..

By all accounts she spent the rest of her teenage years proving what a filthy slut she was. This included sleeping with me once, but she wouldn't take her bra off, I eventually deduced because she was embarassed about having inverted nipples, so I never did fully completely get my hands on those boobies.. she also had a bit of stubble from shaving her lady-tache which made my member completly lose interest, so I didn't do the dirty either. She could have made me such a /happy/ 13 year old, but these are the (mam/)memories I end up with..
(Vote Pedro, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 11:59, Reply)

Well...
My greatest regret is my terrible procrastination...

Wha...? Oh.
( Sonic James Doom Is mired in Primary Science..., Thu 2 Nov 2006, 11:53, Reply)

Lisa, Suffolk
When i was at school in Bury St Edmunds, about 13 years old, i was one of the first in our year to hit puberty.
One of the girls in my year who lived just round the corner from me said to me one day "Simon, a lot of people lose their virginity at our age to people they know and who live nearby". I said "That right?" and went off on my bike. I moved North with the folks not long after that, never realised what she was implying till much later...
Grew up into a shy, chubby, useless with women (but cute) guy who took another SEVEN YEARS to do the deed.
*Sigh*, would have beaten my punk rocker brother who lost his at 14 as well..
(Darth Thump, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 11:42, Reply)

Christmas pressie
My missus told me that she was very religious and definitely didn’t want to do it until after we were married. I loved her very much and respected her for this so I didn’t try to pressurise her into doing anything she wasn’t comfortable with.

Then, while we were engaged, she got herself up the duff. Now, I KNEW it wasn’t mine so I was pretty pissed off, not just with the fact that she had done it with someone else after putting me off for so long, but the fact that I’d respected her reasons and now felt like a right idiot as well as a cuckold.

Then, to cap it all, she tells me that she is still a virgin!! Says she was visited in the night by an angel, and that the baby is God’s! I mean, I know I’m just a carpenter, but how thick do you think I am??

The only good thing…the baby was born on Christmas day, so we can combine birthday presents with Christmas ones…oh yeah, and these three blokes turned up with some presents ‘for the baby’, which I felt it my duty to look after for him, until he’s old enough.

So, despite having already had a baby, my missus was a virgin on our wedding night. Didn’t notice any blood on the sheets the next day mind….
(Che Grimsdale More fridge-magnet than babe-magnet, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 11:42, Reply)

she was only the Irishman's daughter
and I never fucked her but oughter
I showed her my throbbing wick
thick as a candlestick -
now only used to pass water.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 11:39, Reply)