It's a lovely sunny morning here.
Fuck you, peasants stuck in flooded caravans, I couldn't give a shit.

... ...DEAD DOG UPDATE... .... .... ...
No dead dog this morning, gutted. I was hoping to see his bedraggled, greying paw giving me a cheery little wave from the canal but no. I exepct some Polish people have eaten it.

Q: Fathers' day this weekend. Do you acknowledge it (and/or Mothering Sunday)? It's just some made up American shit. It's one of those things like Valentine's Day where if you fail to mark it, you look like a bit of a miserly cunt though. I'm hoping my kid will have been forced to make me a card a school or something.

Alt: Smegging smeg off you smeg-head!!!! Do you get it??? It's rude!!!!! Why has Craig Charles been allowed to live, and yet angles like Ben Hardwick have been cruelly taken from us? I put it to you that the absence of agonising cancer in Craig Charles is clear evidence of there being no God.

Alt alt: Tell us something surprising
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:33, 231 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Fuck you, rain!
what's the rain stopping you doing?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 12 Jun 2012, 19:23, 150 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Losing our Marbles?
I see that celebrity bumlord Stephen Fry has won a debate in which he argued that the Elgin Marbles be returned to Greece. What is your view on this – if indeed you even have one, you uncultured baboon?

There are several reasons why the Grecoes can get fucked, in my super-expert opinion. My principal argument is that the Parthenon statuary is, in essence, no different from any of the other international art treasures to be found in the world’s museums and, were we to send them back there would be equal justification for other countries - Egypt, particularly - to empty the world’s museums immediately. It’s too messy and too complicated. The ‘oh but they are special to the Greek people’ argument is bollocks: they shelled the Acropolis themselves when it was under Turkish occupation, and have let smog ruin it since then. Yes they’ve got no money, but that is in itself my second argument for not giving the marbles back: they might well not be cared for as well as we have been and will continue to do.

Finally, I suspect part of his debating success is that he is Stephen ‘national treasure’ Fry – he could probably have entered the debate arguing for them to be detonated, and still won it. The bent cunt.

I am right – I know better than you because I got a second class classics degree from a frankly terrible ex-polytechnic about twenty years ago, AND I‘ve got GCSEs and A Levels in it too so FUCK YOU, YEAH?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jun 2012, 16:20, 46 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

New thread wankers!
Who's missed me the most? I want to see how much by how far apart you hold your hands.

Alt! Who likes glamping?
( girlinthehole, Tue 12 Jun 2012, 14:47, 127 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Got woken up by a wanker delivering flowers for next door, then when I went for a shit got interrupted
by next door wanting their flowers, and now I can't log on to the website I need to use as it's down for maintenance! Can't a man start his day off in peace?

alt: Lunch?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Tue 12 Jun 2012, 12:19, 137 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What a waste of money.
27 million? FFS.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-18392025
What was your last waste of cash? Mine was a double, Poland and Netherlands to win. Useless tossers.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 12 Jun 2012, 10:12, 188 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What are the healthiest and unhealthiest activities that you regularly partake in?
For me, the unhealthiest is either smoking or lapping at your mother's prolapsed vagina. I don't have a particularly healthy activity.

Alt: what old technology do you still use? VHS? Fax machines? Psion organiser? That old Realflesh™ pumping pussy you bought in Ann Summers in the 1998 January sale?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Jun 2012, 8:04, 129 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Calling evening OTers!
MOnday night is quiz night. Ask a question!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jun 2012, 19:09, 174 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I love those little bottles of wine you get
On a Saturday morning whilst out shopping with the missus I'll excuse myself to go and put a bet on at Ladbrokes. On the way I'll pop into Home Bargains, grab a couple of mini pinot grigios and slip them into my jean pockets whilst perusing the nachos or some shit. There's a secluded path down the back of the chippy where I down the bottles and dump them in the nearest skip. What was the last thing you dumped in a skip?

Alt: What do you collect? (if the answer is 'vinyl' then you are shit and dull and probably Monty)
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 11 Jun 2012, 16:19, 55 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Oh for fucks sake, you can't all be doing work surely?
alt: Buck your ideas up!
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 11 Jun 2012, 14:34, 86 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

lol I'm not really Quentin lol
Fucken pricknames.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 11 Jun 2012, 13:27, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What are your fave things to do on a sunny day?
There is a particularly nice pub on the river in Yalding, Kent. Lovely grassy riverbank. Perfect. Nothing better than a relaxing lunch and eleventy pints.

Alt: Speed boats! How fucking awesome are they?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 11 Jun 2012, 13:15, 51 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

As that thread seems to have died on it's hairy ringpiece...
If you had the time to take up a new hobby what would it be?(other than making my mother gargle your sexual juices). I am thinking about learning play the banjo (not the one stringed one I play in the shower).

Alt: best gift you've received recently? I got Apple TV yesterday. It's excellent.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 11 Jun 2012, 10:46, 207 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Morning wankers.
I am fed up with the pissing rain, and I generally quite like it. I also think use of umbrellas in urban environments is selfish and antisocial - two spastics walked into me this morning alone. I'm really rather large and, you might think, quite easy to spot. Apparently not. Dozy, self-absorbed cunts.

I took my little'un to the British Museum on Saturday. A happier man you would have struggled to find anywhere on earth. Then I got MECHA-SPAZZED chez Stunned and had a frankly spectacular dinner. Yesterday was spent whimpering like a dog left alone in a house for a week. Over all, I give the weekend a strong 9 out of 10.

How was your weekend?

Alt: Anything exciting coming up this week? Didn't think so.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jun 2012, 8:33, 140 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

You're all pricks
I'm drunk
Fuck you
Love you really lol
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 Jun 2012, 3:45, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Happy birthday battered!!!!
You short arse fiery tempered prick, I hope you fucken die

Nah, your alrigh really
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Sun 10 Jun 2012, 21:03, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Evening
I just walked up to Tayyabs and had a curry, on the grounds that it might clear my sinuses a bit. Rather pleasant, really. I shall probably fart all night now, though.

What have you had for tea? I've done sod all this weekend.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 10 Jun 2012, 20:36, 9 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Sunday
sugar, caffeine, rock
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jun 2012, 14:06, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

i need to make a list of my off topi friends
obviously there is.... errrrrrrmmmm well none really!

but i will invent the rest, could anyone else who loves me please post here so that i can remember for the future and friend you?

thanks
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 19:05, 51 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

i need to make a list of my off topi enemies
obviously there is AA, comrade Q, battered, hartley hare

but i forget the rest, could anyone else who hates me please post here so that i can remember for the future and bully you?

thanks
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 17:26, 21 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Last day of my old job, I start a new one on Monday
I wasn't malicious or anything, shaken hands with that cunt of an old boss, left with a grimace/smile on my face.

But I've realised I might have left my lunch of Seafood medley. Should I go back for it? I didn't put it in the fridge for fear of food thieves, It's in my special hiding place near a source of heating.

Am I bad?

Alt: Passive/aggressive last/any days of work.
Alt/Alt: Seafood
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 15:25, 101 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Well that was wank. What's underwhelmed you recently?
Alt: weekend plans?

Alt alt: if you could be world class at something what would you choose and why?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 14:11, 59 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So who would you like to flounce next*?
Alt: You have £100 that may only be spent on a new electrical gadget. What would you purchase?

AltAlt: Share your best recipe.

*other than me.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 13:15, 72 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Robin Gibb is having "I started a joke", played at his funeral today. Good choice mate.
What do you want to be played at yours? I want something loud and offensive for my friends, and something shitty for the relatives. Soooo, Macc lads for mates, and that shitty Sarah Brightman thing for the aging relatives.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 11:11, 215 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

in honour of battered's birthday on sunday
if you could punch any jew on the internet, which jew on the internet would you punch and why*?

alt whats your favourite/worst birthday memory of your birthday or somebody elses

*or anyone really
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 10:13, 62 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Good morning all (except Quinten).
No thread deletions today. How shall we entertain our selves today?

Alt: favourite bertdown/flounce? Preferably with links.

AltAlt: podcasts, great idea or waste of time? If the former what do you listen to?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 7:46, 110 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Evening thread to distract ourselves
from our own mortality and the futility of most of our actions
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Jun 2012, 19:53, 77 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

CQ
I saw your post taking the piss out of me just before you deleted, you nob
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 7 Jun 2012, 17:25, 57 replies, latest was 12 years ago)