It's our second wedding anniversary next month, which is apparently "cotton"
What wouldbe an original cotton based gift? Mum/pony/bent spastic jokes will go unappreciated.

Alt: do you follow traditions, such as the anniversary one?

alt: What's the best type of curry?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Jun 2012, 15:26, 197 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So a cricketist is pulled over by the filth and then an hour later winds up under a tube train, nothing dodgy there then.
I wonder what he had to hide?

alt: I'm going back to Wales today and I don't want to. Newport and Coventry are two of the grimmest places I've ever been, where do you think is grim?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 18 Jun 2012, 13:56, 145 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

SCANDAL!
We've just found a small cupboard downstairs where somebody in our building has been hiding and stealing post :O

items taken so far include; a kindle (which was deactivated by Amazon, so fuck you mister steal-y person), other gadgets, CDs, DVDs and a shitload of cheques. This has been going on since late last year. Malc and Tricky are talking about setting up servaillance, i won't go into the other details of thier idea of 'serveillance' as its rude and highly illegal

What was the last scandal etc?

Alt i guess its lunch, lunch?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 18 Jun 2012, 12:14, 93 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

It's another conversational riot on /OT today, I see.
But that thread's died and somebody's got to try a new one. Can't really think of a good question at the moment so in the meantime;

How did you meet your significant other? Did you chase them, did they run after you like a fat kid chasing an ice cream van? If you're single, what the fuck's wrong with you, you ugly or something?
( Kroney, Mon 18 Jun 2012, 11:04, 119 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Good weekend.....
What does this week hold in store?

Alt; who is overdue a knighthood and why?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 18 Jun 2012, 7:53, 153 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I do like a Sunday evening full of sport and hangover treats.What are you bent spastics doing tonight?
Alt: Germany are going to win the euro's right?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sun 17 Jun 2012, 17:55, 114 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Good Sunday Morning?
I only did about a 5 mile run this morning my heart really wasn't in it.
There's no eggs so omelettes, drop scones or a full english will not be on the breakfast menu. I'll Probs. do em kippers.

What is the best breakfast ever and justify why it is?

Alt: Supposedly Im Bert, spakkaman or bobby, what warm welcoming did b3ta give you when you first started posting?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sun 17 Jun 2012, 8:09, 36 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

If Cassetteboy is reading
Konnie Huq has just said "We'll go Up The Khyber" on BBC's Pointless Celebrities. I think it needs sampling.
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Sat 16 Jun 2012, 18:37, 159 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I have new shoes.
They are not bent.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 16 Jun 2012, 17:41, 49 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Mornin'

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 16 Jun 2012, 11:06, 32 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

baby you're a firework come on let your colors burst
Well go on then. What color are you?
Do you have a theme song or movie that describes you best?
Favorite summer time activity as a kid?
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 17:52, 96 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Who's going to be watching the Football tonight?
I am.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 16:00, 60 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

alright
About 3 or 4 weeks ago I was suffering from an appalling dose of guffaritis. The tiniest of proots would produce a long, lingering stench that even I, the issuer could not bear. Around mid morning the wind was getting up, so to speak, so I decided it would be fun to share this freak fartage and made my way to the local supermarket, clenching all the way.

The first guff was emitted in the fruit & veg asile and as soon as it got air I scuttled off to the cheese asile to drop the second, being very careful to quack without sharting or making any noise and by the time the gas tank was empty I had created quite a stir. Someone actually complained to the check out girl about the disgusting smell not realising she was stood next to the culprit, so I did what any decent chap would do by pointing to a fat woman and saying, "It was her". I paid for my shopping and left.

Should you like to join me in this hobby, simply drink a few pints of lager in the evening followed by a pint of grapefruit juice before you go to bed. God only knows what your guts are doing during the night but the results the next day are fucking staggering.

What kind of bellend says farting is not funny?
Pricks.
(#1, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 15:03, 30 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What should Berk do?



(Bazongaloid, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 14:48, 154 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Come on people, I have two hours to kill before I can leave for ooop north.
Holidays?? who's going where?

Troll me.....do something, anything!!
( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 13:27, 140 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So we're helping the banks out again by giving them more money.
They'll definatly have to lend it to real people though, so that's ok. They promise they will.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-18448636

Whats for lunch fatties?

Alt: WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 12:17, 46 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So Argentina wants the Falklands "back".
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-18453372

Agree? Disagree? Personally, I'm not that bothered, but the sabre wrattling occurs on a regular basis.
I've been to a nearby lump of rock, the Ascension Island, and they're crap. I'd imagine the Falklands are about as bad.
Alt, is it too early to enquire about lunch? I'm rather hungry here.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:54, 119 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Goooooood Morning everyone. * What a long week that was. I'm glad the weekend is almost here.
How are you going to spend your weekend? Productively I hope, none of this laying about on the sofa, with the occaisonal wank and a can vimto.

No soccer anecdotes please.

Try and keep this thread interesting and not utter shit.

*Even Quentin.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:06, 157 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Let's not be shy n00bs, it's ok to post things, nobody will judge you
all the regulars are pricks anyway with a shaky grasp on reality.


No Fat Chix
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 18:16, 145 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

if you could be anyone's toothbrush whose toothbrush would you be and why?
alt if you could be anyones mum whose mum would you be and why?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 16:31, 72 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

As a FUCKING GIGANTIC FAN of not-shit threads I'm staying away from that last one.
Question: why is it SO SHIT on here? I mean normally I'd blame CQ but since he's done the decent thing and committed internet seppuku I can't do that any more. So whose fault is it?

Alt Disney: Who are worse, Russians or Israelis?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:07, 163 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

AS a massive fan of ignoring pointless threads about 70s garage rockbands
I've got a week off in august. i turn thirty, and i've got an unexpected budget for holiday shenanigans.
Where is a nice place to go that's abroad, not too expensive, not turkey or sweden cos i've been there, and that's not primarily a hellhole mecca for chavs who want shitty bleeping music and 40 degree heat to accompany their stella, fish and chips, and west ham on the tellybox, like fuckin ibiza or magaluf etc?

alt question: shittest place you've ever been on holiday?
alt alt question: ever been struck down by the brown god due to being in forrin climes? i haven't, but the hotel in sweden i stayed at did something with bacon that rendered it disgusting, a feat i thought impossible!
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 12:50, 101 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

As a huge fan of 70s garage rock I'm sure you can appreciate that I am one super cool individual with better taste than the rest of you
tell me what you think is so great about 70s garage rock and why it is that I'm cooler than you because I like it so much.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 12:10, 49 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

New Thread Time
We all love Blousie and her norks but it is time for new stuff.

I found an SD card on holiday. Unfortunately it does not contain porno pics. What is the best/worst thing you've found? What did you do with it?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:48, 189 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Happy Birthday Blousie!
I remember several years ago me and Blousie got fucked up on cooking sherry and brasso and decided to head for Bristol to try and find Banksy and tell him how shit his shit graffiti vandalism is. As we got off the train at Temple Meads a copper approached us and told us to hand over the booze, Blouise said "its fuckin brasso pork chop, now fuck off would you". Next thing I know we're being bundled in to the back of a police van by four coppers, one now had a broken nose and another a large cut above his right eye. Blouise was screaming "Do you know who the fuck I am?" Next morning I wake up in a cell with a fucking splitting headache. A copper opens the cell door and just says "Come on, get up". I stagger out of the cell and he takes me to the front door and says "I don't want to see you again" I see Blouise sitting on the wall outside the station with a cheesy grin on her face. "How did you get away with that?" I asked "Oh I just sucked them all off behind the bins at the back of the station" she replied with a chuckle. We headed home agreeing it had been a great adventure.

Never did find Banksy though.

No Question simply share your 100% true memories of Blousie.
( Peej, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 7:05, 91 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Evening shift. Put that takeaway menu down and amuse me.
Go on, natter away.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 19:58, 190 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Been gone a long time...
...well, two years which to me isn't that long, but two years ago I was fast-becoming a vitriolic arsehole due to the negative effect of selected events on my fragile male psyche. I figured that I should bow out rather than become a pariah on one of my favourite sites, and deserve it as well.

I'd like to say that I'm back to my old self, but sadly my old self will likely never return as at this point there are too many bits missing. That said, I'm much less of an arsehole than I was two years ago* so after a few weeks of QOTW lurking, I'm taking my first tentative steps back into the fray.

Good to be back? Let's find out :)

* I can provide references.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 14:36, 220 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Do it myself then shall I?
EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE

N D

    I--------¬
    I
    I
    I
____I____

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 14:19, 11 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

LUNCH!!!
I've just had a tuna surprise sammich and crisps and I'm waiting for my brain to register that I've eaten and I'm no longer hungry. In the meantime I'm still fucking starving.

Alt: Next week I start another period of dieting. How do you stop yourself feeling hungry?
( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 13:04, 132 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

The Queen is popping round for a visit today
What 'hilarious' phrase would you put on a placard to try and get spotted in the background of a local news report on her visit?

Alt: Which Royal would you like to swap places with for the inevitable Channel 5 reality life swap show type thing?

Altalt: Why is Red Dwarf the best thing ever? Does anything else even come close?
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:50, 137 replies, latest was 12 years ago)