Flounce or Spackfist?
BETTU................................NOW!
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 3 Aug 2012, 12:39, 88 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Afternoon thread
For some reason I just can’t face breakfast first thing in a morning, now I’m starting to get hungry.
What did you have to break fast? I might try one of the recipes from this on Sunday morning

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/features/breakfast-of-champions-bill-grangers-morning-specials-will-give-you-all-the-energy-you-need-to-take-on-the-day-7976627.html

Alt: I might finish early today, what excuses have you come up with to escape the office early?
Alt:Alt: Seem that its BBQ weather this weekend, what the best thing about BBQ’s?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 12:04, 81 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

there you go, monty.
oh. question. um, who was your childhood crush? i had a thing for ed 'stewpot' stewart and only as an adult did i realise he looks like my (estranged) dad.

dr freud? your 11 o'clock is here.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 11:01, 216 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

New thread because Ring of Fyre is a Ok Cupid bellened
£138m on the Euro millions tonight, might have have a punt. If I win I'm gonna buy monty and make him my bitch.

Who would you have working for you? Tom Cruise so he could clean under the cupboards and give you blow jobs or Justin lee Collins so you could punch him in the beard everytime you felt frustrated?

alt: battered is buying a bike the "big" hypocrite, when were you most hypocritical?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:16, 180 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

It's beer o'clock, I just sent this to a mate of mine.
It's beer o'clock. The missus is out on a "girl's night" so me and the sprog are up for some home-made-junk-food (chips & nuggets for her & home-made pizza fer me).
We're going to watch Adam Hills "Inflatable" - probs totally inappropriate for an 8 yo. but she thinks he's fucking funny. Especially the signing.
Friday night for you?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMYWC0tMZsk
EDIT: Sry to all those backwards ppl behind us.
Catch up you dozey cunts.
EDIT: EDIT: I'm guessing at least 18 of you can't read this. Suckers.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 3 Aug 2012, 8:43, 18 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Urghhhhh. I looked at my watch in the pub and it was 12:40.
How did that happen? Stupid pubs not closing when they're supposed to. Met some nice foreigns though inc a Spaniard who is here with Spanish TV for the Dulympics, amusingly (to me) he fucking hates sport.

I am slightly dying. Revive me with some LOLarity please.

Alt: WEEKEND, IS IT?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 8:08, 154 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Neck!
Gid moaning.

Today i am unsure of my tie so I have taken a spare in case I have a crisis of confidence.

There, I've amazed you all with this fascinating tale, please reciprocate in kind with epic tales of your nape, neck or even throat.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 8:07, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

when i was 21, a man with robotic arms got me hideously drunk at a bar in spain.
I spent the night in the cool, tiled surroundings of the bathroom.

what's the drunkest you've ever been, ever?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 21:27, 71 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

hahaha
What the fuck happened on talk?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 20:40, 59 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I quite like plumdozer and battered.
back-story on /offtopic hate campaigns, pls.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 19:51, 99 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Well thats about that one dead.
Shame there such mingers but “Pussy Riot” has to be one of the coolest names for a band,
www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/aug/02/pussy-riot-uk-music-putin

If you could name your Band/ business/ any alterative, what would you call it? And why?

Alt: Make up the biggest lie, and see anyone falls for it

Alt: Alt: Has anyone been affected by the new ignore thingy? if so, how so?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 19:01, 85 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

A bloke working my local pub has told me he knows who I am on here. He's correct.
He's too scared to post*. The fucking pussy has been lurking for years. Given we need new victims to bully in the hope that they will kill themselves what should we say to encourage him to participate?

Alt: or should I just stab him to death with a rusty bread knife?

*Mind you, be grateful he isn't posting pictures of himself, he's an awfully ugly fucker.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 18:14, 81 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

It's ok swipe, come and play in here. Chompy is a meanie.
Q: would you like a puppy?

I think chomp has ignored me.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 16:12, 126 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Right enough of that.
So we've had Ignore 2.0 for nearly a whole day now.

Anyone noticed a difference? Has b3ta been destroyed forever or is it just the same old shit?

Also: Bankers and markets have gone mental because someone said something, i think we should replace them all with robots.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 15:31, 143 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Lympics makes me wish I was really good at something
what do you wish you were really reallly good at?

alt: show off, what are you really good at?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 14:46, 119 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

right. i am related to the beverley sisters.
and i totally met boris johnson once. brayndedd's aunt is married to pete burn's paedo [forgotten which relative].

obscure claims to fame. GO!!
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:22, 169 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Right, that's enough of that shit.
BOOKS.

Do you like books? I do, I like them a lot. When was the last time you were excited about a book coming out? I used to get excited about those Shardlake novels but the last one was a bit pony.

However THIS MOTHERFUCKER is guaranteed to be excellent:

www.amazon.co.uk/Ninja-John-Man/dp/0593068114

He’s the author of two superb tomes about Genghis and Kublai Khan. This one will be well-researched and very readable. And it’s about ninjas ffs.

Is there a classic book which you haven’t read which you feel you should?

Or perhaps you’ve read a so-called classic and found it to be shit. I consider ‘Moby-Dick’ and the entire works of both Shakespeare and Dickens to be a heap of shit. I may just have mentioned this before.

I regard Dostoevsky and Alexandre Dumas to be top-hole. If you do not, then you have fleas and are gay. No returns.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:28, 215 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

There was a whole family in the gym today, mum, dad, two kids, does no one work anymore?
Alt: if you had to compete in the Olympics what event and why.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 11:29, 87 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I've reached a point in life where I'm genuinely excited about a new function I've found working with spreadsheets in Excel.
What lows have you reached recently?

Alt: metal or wood and why?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 11:15, 47 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

"being put through the mangle"
that's July's phrase on my calendar, pretty self explanatory really but it does explain a bit about how old mangles worked.

you ever heard any nice phrases?

alt. everyone in the office is smartly dressed today (this is very rare), the new overlords are coming in to see how they work, is suspect there might be a revolution. you?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 9:46, 227 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I'm on a commuter train to london,
Surrounded by pricks in suits. When was the last time you were surrounded by pricks?

Alt: I've got to sit on a disciplinary panel for an old friend of mine today, he's totally guilty of robbing, but I felt bad turning him down, what have you done for friends lately?

Alt alt: breakfast?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 7:52, 152 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

hang on now, I demand that thundercuntthemagnificent explains his '2 endings to the dark tower' comment.
alt: when did you last start a thread on the Internet that made you want to kill yourself?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 20:34, 160 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

rob put me on ignore!
what a dick!

:((((((((((((
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 20:29, 33 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Ignore code change
We've fiddled with the ignore code on B3ta so that it works both ways. If you ignore a person they can't see your posts, as well as you can't see theirs.

This means - in theory - if you have someone you find persistently annoying (say they post horrid things on your answers to the QOTW) then ignore them once, and they'll stop seeing your posts so they can't post and ruin your stories.

If you can test this amongst yourselves and report back to this thread that would be really helpful.
( rob, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 19:40, 137 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

"I'm not a racist, but..."
let's have a rant, k?

alt favorite books right now?
altalt what are you addicted to?
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:37, 58 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I'm at Doncaster station, Doncaster looks like a shithole
Have you all missed me today, I've been very busy and important and secretive and shit. Are the QOTW autists behaving themselves?

Alt: tell me your real name, address and bank details.

Altalt: I need a pork chop recipe
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:32, 90 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

bwah hah hah ha!
http://thatslikewhoa.com/custom-vulva-portrait-necklaces/ Pretty much as NSFW as it sounds...

"e-mail 2-3 photos of your Vulva to:"

Yeah, okay. Of course, random weirdo off the internet. I'll send you shots of my crackbox. What a fucking racket, eh readers?

Alt: Would you wear a piece of jewellery modelled on your own genitalia? What about that of your other half/parent/sibling?

AltAlt: Same sex marriage - why should/shouldn't 'teh gays' be allowed to be as miserable as the rest of us?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 15:02, 222 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Has anyone else got any vending machine stories?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 15:01, 7 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

If assisted suicide were legal in Tean GB who would be the arbiter of your death?
Alt: Which is best, pot noodle or super noodles?

Altalt: When was the lowest point of your life, the point when you started collecting pills/perfeced nooses/sharpened the cutthroat? Has this never happened to you? Do you believe in Climie Fisher?

Altaltalt: Something about kittums
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 13:34, 105 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I'VE HAD A BRILLIANT IDEA!!!!!!
What we need is yet another interminable discussion about different types of mobile telephone!!!

GO!

Actually could we not? Just for one day? If I say please?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 13:16, 99 replies, latest was 12 years ago)