I have just talked a friend out of having an affair.
Midlife Crisis, have you had one? Know someone who has? Thinking about buying a convertible car? That BMW S100RR motorcycle? Tattoo’s?
www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/sep/29/10-point-guide-to-beating-that-midlife-crisis
I have developed a lot of grey hair but am determined to grow old gracefully (just for men can GTFO, how do you cope with the passing of time?

Alt: What last made you laugh so hard you hurt yourself? Mine was the men’s 100m qualifications when Tyson Gay just had the word GAY written on his chest.

Alt:Alt: What last got you so angry you almost hurt somebody/something else ?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 11:51, 123 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

i'd do anything for monty (but i won't do that)
ok, as a new thread has been requested. tell us about either the nicest or the most disgusting thing you have ever seen? how you answer will in turn tell us about you.

alt: do you have a phobia? what is it?

altalt: what is the most garish piece of clothing you own? this could also be an answer to the first question, i guess.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 10:18, 205 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

No offence Battsy but that one has limited conversational potential, I fear.
Have you seen this?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-19112549

What is suggested, in essence, is that if you have alternate days of fasting where you have just a few hundred calories (not even 'proper' no food at all fasting), you will keep your weight down and on your 'food' days you can eat exactly what you like.

Whether this is true or not, it is (to my mind) an interesting question: would you trade 'fasting' days for 'completely eat what you like' days knowing it was actually doing you good? Would you do it - could you do it?

Alt: Stunned poster of this parish has spent £900 on going to a glorified school sports day today. You have £900 to spend in a day, what do you do with it? You are not allowed to spend it on objects, it must all be gone by the end of the day with nothing tangible to show for it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 8:23, 163 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

How cool is this? 20% of $15million.
How should I respond to this?

My name is Major General John Batiste, the former Commander of the first infantry division in Iraq (C.F.I). Actually, I acquired 15.5 Million US Dollars from an oil business I did in Iraq with an Iraqi citizen. I need a good partner who I can trust to assist me in receiving the consignment on my behalf.

All arrangement to bring out the consignment from Iraq has being concluded with a United Nations diplomat. I need someone who can receive it since I can not receive it directly due to my status.

I am offering you 20% of the total sum for your assistance and the 80% will be transferred to my account which I will instruct you in my next email to you on how it will be transferred to my account.

Your own part of this deal is to find a safe place where the funds can be sent to.

If you are interested I will furnish you with more details. But the whole process is simple and we must keep a low profile at all times. The best mode of communication to me is through email.
I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. I look forward to your reply and co-operation, and I thank you in advance as I anticipate your co-operation waiting for your urgent response.Please,Kindly re-confirm the followings to me through this Email ID : [email protected]: 1. full names: ( ) 2. Address :() 3. Age: ( ) 4. Sex: () 5. Marital Status: ( ) 6. Occupation :() 7. Phone Numbers: ( ) 8. Fax Number :() 9. Country: () 10. Your personal email address: ( )

You might receive this message in your spam or junk folder depends on your web host. Please do not reply if you are not interested.

Best Regard,

MAJ GENERAL JOHN BATISTE

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 7:01, 17 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Looks like stuff happened, what did I miss?
Alt: Lasagne. With or without sliced boiled eggs?

Altalt: I know it's late but if I get no replies to this before 7am Tuesday then it's cockgazzes all round. Also, would you rather shag a foul hatchet-faced lard-arse of the opposite sex or a reasonably attractive member of the same sex (as you) ?
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 1:13, Reply)

GO TEAM KRONEY!!

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 20:26, 113 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Look, there has been a lot of bullying today,
I'd like to hold my hand out to the disgusting creepy lurkers and ask you, as the silent majority, which are the posters that keep you coming back day to day, which are the posters that cause you to laugh out loud in your office, and think about posting LOL as a reply, and then decide against it.
Come on lurkers, today is your day, who is your favourite?

Alt: G'evenining, how are you?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 18:20, 157 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I am hurt and upset by what has gone on in that last thread.
There's been bullying, some French gaylord, turncoats - the lot.

Seriously the need for a stong - yet fair - mod (not from France) has never been so apparent on this board.

But enough SRS BSNS. We had EXTREME RAIN earlier, and it was great. Do you like extremes of weather or are you some kind of cowardly French loser hell-bent on striking all the time and smelling awful and ruining the internet?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 16:53, 82 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Who is the worst person on OT?
Who is the worst person on OT?












(Legless is a prick., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 15:12, 155 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So, are you an adult who still reads comics?
Perhaps you prefer the term 'graphic novels'. Perhaps you prefer the term 'dark graphic novels'? My advice to you if so, is to grow up and read a fucking book. You make me sick. You probably think you're really cool like that embarassing flid off 'Spaced' and make 'Star Wars references all the time. Why won't you just die?

Alt: Hiya gang!!! How's Monday treating you?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 14:20, 147 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Jess Ennis must be quite happy still.
When's the last time you won something, and what did you win?

Alt: what's your favourite type of power tool?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 14:13, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Everyday luxuries. What do you allow yourself?
Mine is proper coffee. Not expensive Costa/ Starbucks stuff, just decent freshly ground coffee. Yum.

Alt: did you keep a diary as a child?

AltAlt: something about menstrual stains.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 13:04, 186 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Boris blanked me this morning.
He was wearing a rather natty all-white ensemble which made this all the more distressing.

When were you last CRUELLY SNUBBED by a mayor?

Or perhaps you were the SNUBBER? Tell everyone some lies about mayors.

Alt: The lunch bell calls. How will you answer its nommy peals today?

Altalt: I was rocking the flat cap and skatewear combo this weekend. I wasn't really, that would be well bent lol
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 11:17, 131 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Wooo
www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-19144464
Better than team GB, but still GOTEAMGB
I saw the gold postboxes in Milton Keynes today, are you all impressed?

How was your weekend? I saw McFly live.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 9:48, 201 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Come on you lazy lot, time to get up - "hands off cocks, on socks" as the army say
Did everyone have a good weekend? Tell us one thing you did and one thing you wish you hadn't done

Alt: I am off to that there Olympics now and then 90 mins of sweaty yoga tonight. What's going on today for YOU?

Alt alt: which newspaper headline would you most like to see about yourself?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 7:12, 167 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

so,
Sunday afternoon eh? I'm at work, not doing much work though to be fair.
How's your Sunday going? Alright?

Alt: tell me about your favourite place. Or plaice. Or plate.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 5 Aug 2012, 12:50, 22 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

FUCK YEAH MIOTON KEYNES

(PsychoChomp, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 2:38, 45 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Is everyone too proud to admit to being a Saturday night shut-in?
Stand up losers* and declare to the world "It's Saturday night and I am on the Internet"
Quick, entertain me before I give up and fall asleep.

Alt: something about curry or summat?

*you don't really have to stand up, fatties.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 4 Aug 2012, 21:22, 22 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

wonderful people of offtopic
I need some new music suggestions - I'm bored of everything I own. I got the hiatus album when I was flicking through the unofficial ambient theme day, and would really like some more stuff like that. Also, any good folk, hiphop or breaks would be a bonus.
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Sat 4 Aug 2012, 15:27, 36 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Well it's a glorious day
The BBQ has cedar and hickory chips ready for cooking, three gorilla tubs full ice and water cooling beer, cider and wine.
A full range of seafood, poultry, and meat dishes marinated, dry rubbed and ready.
Today will be a good day. what have you lot got planned?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 4 Aug 2012, 11:59, 7 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I'm in Sutton Coldfield this weekend
I'm going to a wedding. What random places have you ended up at
?

Alt: The 7 item breakfast, tea or coffee or juice is complimentary, what would you order?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 4 Aug 2012, 7:29, 56 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Perhaps it is time to move on from Gonz's prose...
Tell me about your encounters with lesbians, regardless of your gender or sexual preference. I have a lesbian mate and we have exactly the same taste in women, so it's always brilliant when we meet up. She's a lot prettier than me obvs.

Alt: what would your perfect home be?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 21:29, 42 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I've decided to write taps about battered on my journey home from work.
Let me tell you bout fate, I think this is great.
I'm gonna tell ya' about how battered ended up in Forest Gate.
Forrest gate was where battered went to meet his mate,
Battered was confused 'cus there was no Forrest and it lacked a gate.
All he could see was some flats and man made lakes.
That was when battered saw who was lurking by the glade.
The man smiled and grinned, said "Hay ! you must be battered...mate."

"Hello little man, want to come back to my flat?"
"Ermmm" battered grinned, "I'll have to think about that".
"Hurry up, it's in wansted, and my tins gone flat"
It was then battered smiled, he knew that's where the party was at.
You see battered has never had an Internet mate,
All his friends from school has moved on of late.
So he thought "fuck you" to warnings and fate,
Jumped on the train to Forrest gate.

Back at the flat the man said he was stunned,
Battered was wondering "what have I done?...
Maybe he's just shocked that I come.
"No man, you got it wrong...
Stunned is my name, pleased you came along"
"Nice to meet you, I'm sure we'll get on"
"Meeting mates of Internet is still quite strange"
Them stunned thought "you ain't seem nothing yet, mate"

It was then that gonz's trip home came to an end.
You'll have to wait till Monday, my friend.
You see I can only jurnel this tale while in a journey,
And I'm off at the next stop, part two will come soon....
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 19:22, 5 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Evening shift?
Feels like we haven't talked for ages. What's going on in *your* life? Any big plans for the rest of the summer?

Alt: let's create a new decathlon for those of us that aren't elite athletes. What should be in there? Running for the bus, queueing, carrying heavy shopping bags... What's your suggestion?

EDIT: alt alt: why can't Murray play this well at Wimbledon, the lanky Scottish tool?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 3 Aug 2012, 18:50, 11 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Alright?

(Legless is a prick., Fri 3 Aug 2012, 15:57, 180 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Hey mongos
Recommend a boardgame for me and Mrs V to try instead of television.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 15:37, 50 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

SUPPORT MONTY!!!!!



And before you ask, no, I won't "put it in a link you fucking spacktard" I believe in this too passionately.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 14:47, 118 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

new thread because i can
so, fucking weekend eh? what are you doing? wallowing in your own feculence? mowing the lawn? weeping into a pile of torn up photographs of yourself from a time when life hadn't broken your gentle spirit?
i'm having some people (read-fiends, no typo) round for a few quiet drinks (read- bacchanalian frenzy of debauchery)and waterproofing a sodding tent. or a sodden tent.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 14:00, 126 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Hugz4U bbz *waggles eyebrows*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 13:32, 67 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

paging stuj...stuj to /offtopic now please...
what's the reckoning for exeter 16 - 20 august?

alt: yes, i'm using b3ta for my own nefarious needs. suck it up, muddyfunsters.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 13:09, 81 replies, latest was 12 years ago)