What the Actual Cunting FUCK?
What was the last thing that made you do a double take? Was it your co-worker's shocking dress sense, the lolgovernment's incompetence, or some epic flid on the internet asking you stupid questions about what made you do a double take?

Alt: We've all done the best crisp flavours, but what's the best crisp type? Are you a Monster Munch kind of guy, or do you prefer the upmarket poncery of the Kettle Chip?

AltAlt: what's for elevenses?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 15 Aug 2012, 10:56, 171 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

It turns out that the quiet analyst who sits near me is a parchuting expert, he did ten jumps on Saturday with loads of different formations*
When were you last surprised by someone, good or bad?

alt: My boos has left a cafitiere of coffee on the desk that has now gone mouldy, tell me stories of your own hideousness.

altalt: what gamesghow would you like to go on? And which would you be most likely to win.

*he didn't get his friends to pay for any of his jumps
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 Aug 2012, 10:55, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What was the last thing you sniffed?
Lava lamps, cool or bent?

Do you like your family?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 15 Aug 2012, 8:12, 180 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

alrizzle ma nizzles?
What does this week have in store for you? I have some top-secret shizzle goin' on. More news as it happens.

Q- James Bond's gadgets supremo.

Alt Q- if you could have the 1990s all over again, what would you do differently?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 15 Aug 2012, 7:42, 30 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Good Morning O/T
Well I spent about 7 hours driving yesterday, I forgot how nice it is to to just roll along the road with nothing more than the radio to distract you, what to you are lifes simple pleasures?

Alt: I drove over this very big bridge and looked for people painting it, what urban myths do you believe in?

Alt,Alt. If you could take a road trip anywhere, where would you drive to and in what type of transport? would it be the journey or the destination that would make it for you? justify how.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 Aug 2012, 7:19, 7 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Fuck dozer, fuck dozers gay follower Hartley bender.
Thought about anything, ever?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 20:51, 51 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Good evening O/T

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 20:41, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I have to do everything around here.
IT'S SO UNFAIR!

So, when were you last mistaken for a pop star?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 19:13, 23 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

That thread is getting boring.
What's the most exciting thing you've done this year? (apart from members of my family)

Alt: best way to BBQ a chicken? I have found that beer can chicken doesn't really taste any different to ordinary chicken.

Altalt: recommend a new website you've recently discovered.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 16:27, 116 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

That threads taking ages to load on my phone.
I've been persuaded to go to Center Parcs in October with some friends.

I've never been, what can I expect. Looking at the website I can expect to be raped of all my money and then overrun with kids. Sounds Greattt.

Alt: Best UK holiday destinations?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 14:18, 156 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

That one is on the way out.
I ate my first crop of Kale from the vegetable plot this weekend, I also got a courgette.

I realise that tossers like Plumdozer (who I hate) don't like courgettes, but I do, they are excellent vegetables.

When did you last put some effort into something and then enjoyed the benefits of that effort?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:46, 222 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

long thread is long!
i have to do some interviews this morning. what can i ask the nervous newbies? what about you, are you Good Cop or Bad Cop?

alt: what food stuff would you ban forever more?

altalt: do you iron your underwear? tell us something you are really anal about.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:34, 159 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What would you call your autobiography
Assuming it ever got written.

Alt; First CD you bought.

Morning.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 7:56, 240 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Who made your blood boil, last?
Just because you can be a cunt on here, should you be?
Which person on here would you greet with a warm saucer of your delicious milk?
Which person would you BEAT THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF?
All this and MOAR in next weeks B3tan...oaks.....

Alt: say it in a dutch accent
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 21:15, 219 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Just my observation...
MOD EDIT: No big scary pictures on the front page please. Naughty.

Edit: Sorry Mod, however you didn't link it correctly, this is the right link. www.b3tards.com/u/29bec66eec806c644cfb/porkyring.png
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 18:33, 129 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

just got back from coventry
christ what a shithole
what else is shit
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 16:50, 140 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

If you're going to be ballbags about it, could you at least vote for my qotw suggestion so we maybe get a good one this week?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 15:35, 13 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Upsetting people
Well I haven't been sacked yet so thats not bad

Are you the kind of person that has foot in mouth disease? Tell me your tales of putting your foot RIGHT in it (my Mum jokes apart)

Alt:
3pm-5pm is the worst time of day. Discuss (no Olympic puns please)
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 15:03, 154 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Do you still get child-like excitement to new products coming out?
I'm a bit of a slave to commercialism, I'm an advertiser's dream; and by extention I'm Apple's dream customer.

In the month or so run-up to a new apple announcement, or a Sony/Nintendo/Microsoft (gaming) hardware release, I count down the days to them and days drag out until suddenly they're out and its like the last month went in a flash.

New iphone is less than a month away for announcement, and a couple of weeks on top for release. iPad mini might be about that sort of time too, which if it is what I think it is, I'd sale my ipad I got last month for it and pocket the change... using my boss's 7" tablet, I think I preffer the size of a good seven incher when it comes to being on the train.

Microsoft Surface looks fucking wicked too, new windows is coming out in a couple of months, they' ve totally changed it around - most of it is barely recongisable from Win Vista. Microsoft have started sending out dev units to the next Xbox.

I wanna get a 3D telly this year too.

ALT: Lunch?
ALT ALT: learn.adafruit.com/light-painting-with-raspberry-pi
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:55, 92 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

FFS, do I have to do everything myself? I asked for a new thread. Did I get one? No. Well bollocks then.
What do you wish others would do* that they never do?

Alt: I don't care about your lunch. In fact, I hope it poisons you. Others however, for some inexplicable reason, may wish to know.

AltAlt: I am tryin to use Vix to build a website, does anyone have any experience of them?

AltAltAlt: When did you last taste your father's semen?

*Other than my mother and killing myself.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:54, 6 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Assuming you have a job/career, what would you do if you got laid off?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-19236030

Happy or sad? I got booted last month, and it's given me the kick up the arse to go back to uni, so it was pretty much a good thing. However, if you've got family committments, I'd imagine it's shit.
Alt, breakfast, brunch or lunch.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:30, 124 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What if I told you
that ignore 2.0 was all just a ruse to get you to put each other on ignore in an attempt to stop all the fighting?
EDIT FOR RACHELSWIPE: what phone are you having for lunch?
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 9:51, 12 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

The workplace
After about 12 years of being in an all-male office, we have a woman starting this morning. The farting, swearing, general racism, sexism and bullying may have to be curtailed somewhat

What has pissed on your lolchips this morning?

Alt;
Olympics - good or bad
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 8:21, 92 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

i've been to bristol for the weekend
its shit
what do you thinks shit
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 12 Aug 2012, 17:46, 48 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Sad news.
Sid Waddell has died.

I'm going to celebrate the life of the greatest sports broadcaster by going to the pub for lunch.

'Eyes, bulging like the belly of a hungry chaffinch' as Sid might say.

Lunch?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 12 Aug 2012, 12:51, 44 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Happy Sunday knuckle-draggers
Despite saying never again when I finished my masters last year (jobs and degrees are HARD together), I am now sniffing around for something else to learn. What course would you take?

Alt: my local tesco is selling sledges. In august. Is there really nothing left between now and Christmas??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 12 Aug 2012, 10:19, 10 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Alright scumbuckets.
Meteor shower this weekend, looks pretty clear for most tonight, reckon you can haul your fat carcass to a window and have a look, or going to just watch it on YouTube later while some idiot screams something incomprehensible about UFO's over the top?

Alt. Staying in is the new going out? Discuss.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 11 Aug 2012, 19:20, 30 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Rory (& now AB)
keep hassling me about some okcupid account that I have/had.

What were they doing there in the 1st place searching?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 11 Aug 2012, 13:08, 49 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Merry Saturday morning chumpsters
So, what's the legacy of the lympics for you? Will you live in a stadium, or be inspired to punch people out when they dis your country, or (more laughably) will you take up a (huhuhuhuh) sport.

alt: who shall we burn?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 11 Aug 2012, 11:20, 78 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

The threads have been crap today
On a Friday evening I'm clutching at straws to think anybody will even bother posting.
Anyway here goes.
Kids programmes that should be remade, which would you love to see back on the screen?
Alt: BBQ poultry vs meat vs fish(shellfish included), which is best and what would you suggest for best BBQ you've ever tasted (undernurished cud munchers may add veg, fruit to there answers)
Alt:Alt: Everybody seems to be having Money problems, Monts lost his wallet, Kroney can't get to his and Swipey can't find a hairdresser expensive enough. What great money tips have you got to share with the rest of the Evening shift?
(Eveningshiftville population 1)
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 10 Aug 2012, 18:38, 125 replies, latest was 12 years ago)