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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Things you are 'definitely going to do'.
I'm going to write and illustrate a story for my daughter, ideally in time for her birthday in July. I've got the backstory and plot worked out already, but I've a feeling it'll be next year's birthday it's ready for - that said it's a little more grownup that is suitable for a four year old anyway. There are some graphic sex scenes, for one.

What are you 'definitely going to do', apart from my mum, obv.?
Alt: It's Jeffstock this weekend. I am excited. Are you?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:21, 247 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
I'm going to make a coffee.
More news as it happens.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:24, Reply)
I have done this
thrice
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:27, Reply)
I just checked if I'd won the Grand national Sweepstake here.
only one of my three horses finished. GAY!
(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:30, Reply)
I spazzed myself big time with the National
Got a tip for an E/W bet and put it on the wrong horse accidently, only for the tip to win ..... at 45/1
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:32, Reply)
That sounds like something you would do.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:35, Reply)
:-(

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:36, Reply)
you didn't have to shoot the horse though

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:37, Reply)
Not today, no

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:38, Reply)
Don't worry, it sounds like something Ape would do, too.
Only you haven't knocked down an entire housing estate whilst trying to put up a blind, so you're coming out on top so far.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:38, Reply)
He knocked down my estate

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:39, Reply)
I was "definitely" going to apply for some jobs this last weekend.
That went well.

Alt: Travelling down to a different town for a big party and a night in a hotel. What's not to like?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:25, Reply)
Cider?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:27, Reply)
I'm telling you I'm going to be blind on Sunday.
BLIND.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:32, Reply)
If there's a barmaid working on the boat can you spend all night saying "I'd like to be in cider" and then lol.
Need someone to stand in for me on joke patrol.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:38, Reply)
I wouldn't be surprised if somebody shouts "BOAT LOL" at some point.
Hopefully, the rest of the group will then throw them overboard.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:39, Reply)
I wouldn't be surprised if I punch whoever does do that into the fucking Brizzle Channel.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:43, Reply)
No problem.
What I'll do is routinely text you descriptions of what's going on, and you can feed me relevant gags to say.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:44, Reply)
"You could say I'm an Iraqi"
"Get off my property"
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:46, Reply)
I don't get this.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:48, Reply)
SIMPSONSQUOTESLOLS
Have you seen my wacky tie?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:49, Reply)
Excellent. I'll get my big bumper book of one liners and a highlighter ready.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:55, Reply)
Graffiti by Nigel Rees?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:59, Reply)
Hahahahha
That takes me back
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:04, Reply)
are you kidding?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:26, Reply)
No, I really am excited about Jeffstock.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:27, Reply)
will you be making a nice gravy out of him?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:30, Reply)
The trick is to brown the giblets first.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:31, Reply)
what if your giblets already have a lovely tuscan sun tan?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:31, Reply)
Stop goatse-ing

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:32, Reply)
I spent a happy weekend drawing Disney characters to make a puppet show
for my daughter to play with. I now have converted the new kettle box into a castle for the "set"

I am definitely going to buy some trainers
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:28, Reply)
Alt: No, I will be in Wales while you lot are all drinking cider on a boat.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:29, Reply)
Your M...ah.
Erm, your Dad?

I am definitely going to go to bed at a decent time tonight, as I'm absolutely fucking shattered.

Alt: If I were going, I would be. But I'm not, so I'm not.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:33, Reply)
I can't believe my old man will be 70 next year.
Mind you I shall be 40 and I can't believe that either.

perhaps I have belief issues.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:42, Reply)
I can't believe it's not Boyce-r

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:43, Reply)
I can't believe you posted this

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:45, Reply)
Neither can I

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:45, Reply)
Surely it would only count as belief if it was unsubstantiated?
Then again, it wouldn't be the first time you've had substance issues...
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:50, Reply)
That's very good and deserves a (grudgingly given) click

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:03, Reply)
i am "definitely" going to keep up the running and shift the last few pounds
i am "definitely" going to start saving money every month

i'll be anorexic and rich by about 2024.

i am staying with the lovely rakky for jeffstock, so i am excited too.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:38, Reply)
You dropped this :

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:50, Reply)
i'm not wearing glasses
but thanks
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:53, Reply)
Still not sure if attending Jeffstock. Negotiations continue.
I am definitely going to lose some weight. About a stone & a half, as I went to be measured to get a couple of new suits made on Saturday and was unimpressed with my weight.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:45, Reply)
You'd better be quick re the suits.
I heard Mothercare are closing dozens more branches. You might go to collect them, only to find there's a Nando's there instead.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:47, Reply)
Once he's on solids and walking the baby fat will disappear

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:48, Reply)
Gieves and Hawkes for the measurements, then lie to them and send the measurements to the tailor I used when I lived in HK.
They then make the suits for a third of the cost and post them to me.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:50, Reply)

H M
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:51, Reply)
Roundabout cow suits

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:51, Reply)
Good work.
I've heard of this sensible practice before. Perhaps from you, mind you.

Get thee to Jeffstock. It won't be as good without you.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:54, Reply)
I am definitely going to do some work today
...at some point. Probably.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:54, Reply)
I am definately going to stop fucking around on B3ta
Also I am going to get out more to practice using my camera and learn all of it's functions etc.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:57, Reply)
I've found your old camera pretty easy to use
I had to delete loads of baby photos off it first though.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:00, Reply)
You should have called the coppers
that's disgusting.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:00, Reply)
it's fine I'll make another one and take pictures of them instead

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:02, Reply)
How will it fit in your bedsit?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:03, Reply)
I'll treat the wife's morning sickness with thamidolide

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:08, Reply)
thamidolide?
ha! you spastic!
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:09, Reply)
what?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:09, Reply)
i just wanted to call you a spastic

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:11, Reply)
oh. ok then

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:11, Reply)
you flid

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:12, Reply)
You fmid

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:10, Reply)
Extraordinary.
You've got all the right letters there, but appear to have transposed two of them for absolutely no reason. You clearly know how to spell the word and yet...
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:13, Reply)
Welcome to the world of dyslexia
edit: i can't see what's wrong :(
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:16, Reply)
Oh, are you actually dyslexic?
I didn't know that.

I suppose I shall have to let you off then. I consider it a mere technicality, mind.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:17, Reply)
I am, however a lot of my shit on here is poor typing
and i never reread posts before pressing enter
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:18, Reply)
Make some gorse and honey wine
but that's an easy one.

I am going to send you a letter today, well my wife is anyway, why would I do my own mail when I have a wife.

I am going to one day finish building the guitar I have been building for the last 6 years.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:00, Reply)
we bought my dad a banjolele at the weekend as a belated birthday present
ukeleles are about £30-£150. but oh no, he has to pick the rare vintage (and utterly pointless) instrument at £400. great.

it's quite cute though. i had no idea they were so tiny.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:02, Reply)
Had you mistakenly thought George Formby was simply ABSOLUTELY FUCKING MASSIVE?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:05, Reply)
I'm leaning on a MASSIVE lamppost at the corner of the street
When a certain 50' woman walks by.....
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:06, Reply)
this would only work if george fromby was SMALL
you idiot
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:07, Reply)
No it wouldn't
you idiot
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:17, Reply)
yes it would, you idiot
if formby was SMALL the banjolele would seem bigger, which is what swipe said to begin with

if he was LARGE it would have seemed SMALL and swipe would have been surprised that it was bigger

you idiots
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:22, Reply)
"i had no idea they were so tiny"
In what way is that Swipe saying it seems bigger?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:25, Reply)
thats what i said, she said it seemed smaller
so her original perception was that it was large, ergo formby was small
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:26, Reply)
i had no idea what one looked like. nor do i have any idea what george formby looked like.
i was expecting a guitar-type thing.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:27, Reply)
george formby was 5'6"
i hope this helps
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:28, Reply)
that is tiny

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:30, Reply)
but much bigger than you'd think in person

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:31, Reply)
Battered, give Quinten his login back please

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:32, Reply)
i may be shit, but i'm not in Battered's league yet

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:35, Reply)
using the same quote you used
that would imply she originally thought they were bigger, you idiot
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:27, Reply)
a larger formby would have made the guitar look smaller, meaning she would have thought it was bigger
and said 'i had no idea they were so large' when she got one

i win, you idiots
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:29, Reply)
Yes but in Monty only said she THOUGHT he was massive and therefore would have thought the banjolele was also bigger.
You surely can't be this stupid, I suspect trolling
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:40, Reply)
NO YOU IDIOT
he was subverting her original post by saying taht Formby was MASSIVE, meaning the banjolele would seem smaller, not that they scaled up the ukulele for him

he was wrong, you're all stupid, i win end of story

fuck off
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:54, Reply)
Four victory laps for quinten, the only bright person on Off Topic

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:56, Reply)
No he was subverting her original post by saying that she THOUGHT Formby was massive
not that he actually was
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:20, Reply)
implying that the uke was smaller, the exact opposite of what swipe said

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:23, Reply)
What? She said she was suprised it was tiny
so she thought it was bigger, so she would have thought formby bigger too.

Argh I give up, you are obviously too stupid to grasp this
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:44, Reply)
No it wouldn't you idiot
if she thought Formby was actually massive rather than small it would explain why she though Banjoleles were bigger than they actually are.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:38, Reply)
no, you complete and utter fuckwit
if formby was massive the ukelele would seem tiny without some sense of scale, but she originally thought they were bigger

your all thick, i'm leaving forever
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:53, Reply)
No if she thought he was massive
then she would have also thought the Banjolele was massive and therefore would have been surprised that they were so small. Why you cannot grasp this I do not understand.

Yes if Formby was actually massive the Banjolele would have looked even smaller, but if she simply thought he was massive though he was normal sized then then she would have assumed that the banjolele was bigger than it was.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:19, Reply)
you are incorrect
why would he say that both were massive? that makes no sense, he was implying that by comparison formby was extremely large, which is totally incorrect given the context

you're wrong and you can't admit it, this makes you very small minded and incapable of getting by, it is no wonder you have marrigae troubles
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:25, Reply)
No
you just don't get it. If she thought Formby was massive when playing the uke she would have presumed that the uke he was playing would be a size comparable to his body, however she was surprised as to how tiny they were.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:44, Reply)
I have a banjolele that I inherited from my grandfather
Are they really worth something? My Gran found out that I actually play it and got quite cross, she says it not supposed to be played.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:07, Reply)
well this one was
i wasn't really listening to the dude in the shop, as i was trying to stop my 2 year old niece from knocking over all the guitars. but i THINK he said they only made them for a very short (like 4 years or so) period in the early 60's and are rare.

this was on denmark street in london, which is kind of vintage music city, really.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:10, Reply)
Bizarrely I was there on Saturday as well.
I bloody love that street.
(berk, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:12, Reply)
omg how weird
i wish i'd known! i was there with nieces and nephews, you could have met them all!

2 year old managed somehow to thieve a bloody £25 cuddly dog from the rainforest cafe. we only noticed when we were miles away. it had the security tag on and everything.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:15, Reply)
My mate works in one of the shops on Denmark street
Always gives me loads of freebies when I visit the village
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:16, Reply)
No, instruments are definitely not meant to be played.
You're supposed to keep them in the attic with all the strings tightened to tune. No harm can come to them that way, you see.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:11, Reply)
Gorse is renowed for it's delicate and fruity taste...

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:03, Reply)

G H
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:04, Reply)
I'd totally eat me a horse.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:11, Reply)
Me too
There are a couple going spare now too
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:14, Reply)
Glue prices are projected to plummet.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:15, Reply)
I am definitely going to go to the launderette
because I have had to resort to wearing a mismatched sports bra and old pants (oh, the horror! the inhumanity!) and I'm wearing a pair of cords I haven't worn since Christmas 2010, probably, and no matter how many times I've pulled them up they're quite obstinately at half mast.
Also, following on from the last thread, I've got a fuckton of stuff crammed under the stairs which I really, really must sort through and get rid/list on ebay.
(berk, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:11, Reply)
Do you not have a washing machine?
I don't think I've ever met anyone who didn't have a washing machine.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:17, Reply)
Eastenders

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:18, Reply)
It's just like that.
I bet she has a cup of tea in a styrofoam cup when she does her laundry too.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:21, Reply)
From tha caff?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:22, Reply)
I bet her clothes aren't even that dirty, but they stink of Lambert & Butler so need washing

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:23, Reply)
I reckon her massive hoop earings keep catching in the hems of her trousers

(Bazongaloid, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:24, Reply)
I hope she managed to find somebody to cover her stall.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:25, Reply)
and she drinks vodka out of a wine glass with a slice of lemon

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:25, Reply)
No, but I have drunk wine out of a coffee mug before.

(berk, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:27, Reply)
There's a bar in Soho that serves cocktails out of paint tins.
Fucking hipsters.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:32, Reply)
that'll teach you to drink in Soho then, you fucking idiot.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:33, Reply)
Sometimes you have to go looking for the cock.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:35, Reply)
CxR or Under the Arches.
no need to thank me.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:36, Reply)
Or if you are ever in Amsterdam you can visiot the subtly named "Cockring"

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:39, Reply)
It's the choice of the new generation.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:33, Reply)
although only red wine
you drink white wine out of a tumbler.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:40, Reply)
I like the idea of instead of cleaning and washing, you just drink enough vodka 'till you don't care how you look or smell anymore.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:41, Reply)
Oh wait, people actually do that =/

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:41, Reply)
I live in a one-room studio flat
in a basement. No, I do not have a washing machine.
(berk, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:27, Reply)
Well Swipeys inspired me
I am going to definitely restring my banjolele this week
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:15, Reply)
Snapped a string eh?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:15, Reply)
Nope
but the strings on it are older than me
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:16, Reply)
I was joking that you had a tiny penis

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:16, Reply)
it's no joke

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:22, Reply)
Even the oven glove laughs at it

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:27, Reply)
if you could fill an oven glove you should probably go to the doctors!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:29, Reply)
I am a cow
It fits perfectly on my udder
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:29, Reply)
I'm now drinking another cup of coffee.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:28, Reply)
Easy "scarpe" you wanna keep that shit under control

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:30, Reply)
I'm definitely going on tour this summer. not been for way too long.
I'm also definitely going to get a Caterham.

I am ambivalent about Jeffstock, but I'm happy for the cider industry in general.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:30, Reply)
I quite want a Ford Anglia, for some reason.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:33, Reply)
why the fuck not? Do it. Put a small block Chevy V8 in there while you're at it.
to be honest, what I really want to get is a TVR Tuscan but I don't think I can justify the maintainence costs. Sadly.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:35, Reply)
I saw one driving down the A4 the other day
Lowered, banded steels etc. It looked lovely. What I really want is an E21 BMW, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:40, Reply)
I'll let you off an E21 in full batmobile spec.
Otherwise, that's well bent, innit.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:41, Reply)
Black Mercedes W126 SEC please
Joaquin's car in Buffalo Soldiers
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:44, Reply)
Cars are for benders.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:45, Reply)
no, I think you'll find
inserting your penis into another man's anus is for benders.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:51, Reply)
Yeah, I'd have one of those.
I like the pillarless Mercs.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:46, Reply)
I'm thinking of a CL65 AMG for a laugh as well.
I'm half-way to convicing Mrs B it's a practical car as it's got 4 seats.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:51, Reply)
golfer's car

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:59, Reply)
There's plenty of those w126s going for under a grand on ebay, btw
I'm half-tempted.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:03, Reply)
less than a grand? i suspect work might be needed!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:06, Reply)
They're 20 year old cars, work's always going to be needed.
Old Mercs are generally pretty cheap, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:08, Reply)
As I am incapable of put up a blind, mercedes mechanicals may be a step too far...

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:31, Reply)
Totally.
But less than 10 year old cars sell for 8K when they cost 100K new, and run enough torque to stop the earth turning. I can take a lot of golf-based abuse for that. Plus, I do actually play golf.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:06, Reply)
I knew you were a cunt ;)

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:30, Reply)
There is an immaculate Ford Capri parked up on my way to work that i covert dearly

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:37, Reply)
There was a guy restoring a Brooklands Capri on a road near my parents' place
Absolutely gorgeous.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:44, Reply)
I love the two seater coupe with a long bonnet look
I love the New Merc SLS
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:46, Reply)
Wasn't that Rolands Rat's car?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:38, Reply)
get the train to hogwarts like everyone else

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:39, Reply)
Ooh, ooh, Mr Weasley!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:40, Reply)
I'm definitely going to go and buy some chips & some beer
And pay a cheque into the bank

It's a hard life
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:34, Reply)
Are you dole scum?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:37, Reply)
Apparantly so...
But the cheque is a tax rebate rather than a gyro
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:38, Reply)
You get a tax rebate on dole payments?
unbelievable
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:40, Reply)
It's health and safety gone mad.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:41, Reply)

h
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:47, Reply)
Disgusting, isn't it?

(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:46, Reply)
I wrote to my MP on friday telling him to get my council tax reduced or I'll vote for someone else.
Hilariously I'd never vote for him anyway.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:48, Reply)
Don't you lived in shared accomodation?
So your share can't be that much
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:50, Reply)
I have a housemate, but as far as I can tell my entire street was misbanded.
So we're all C but should be B, 8 houses have sucessfully challenged but they never bothered to change the rest even though they are all two bed flats built at the same time, 4 identical flats in my building are changed, it's stupid.
p.s. it'll be about £18 a month difference for me, but I've been there two years so if it goes through I'll get £430 rebate.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:52, Reply)
Fair enough, isn't it upi to you as the resident to drive the rebanding?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:54, Reply)
well, yes.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:56, Reply)
Yes, but it seems ridiculous that when one residance in a building is rebanded then they don't do the lot.
Anyone who even just drove down the street would be able to spot it.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:56, Reply)
I think they are quicker to reband the lot if it goes up a band.
They're less keen to do so if their revenue is to go down.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:02, Reply)
That's what I was moaning about,
it should be about accurately collecting tax not gaining revenue.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:09, Reply)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:10, Reply)
Mine costs about £1400 a year
If I moved 1/4 of a mile east into the borough of Wandsworth it would be £606
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:54, Reply)
£1200 for me, for a 2 bed flat... in milton keynes.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:59, Reply)
That sucks, Richmond is the most expensive in the country i think, bastards

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:02, Reply)
Shocking isn't it.
Someone posts on here, they appear to be quite normal, but no. It turns out they are a scrounging scumbag with made up "health reasons" for not working.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:40, Reply)
The bastards
Perhaps I should just divvy it up to pay back the honest workers
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:43, Reply)
Good plan
then DYAAKY
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:47, Reply)
What's DYAAKY?

(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:51, Reply)
Delete your account and kill yourself

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:52, Reply)
I'll put it on the 'to do' list

(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:54, Reply)
good lad

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:56, Reply)
I do my best

(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:03, Reply)
it's all anyone expects round here
So tell us about yourself AW
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:04, Reply)
What is it you'd like to know?

(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:05, Reply)
Err
I dunno, what are you into? Where do you live? Why are you here?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:05, Reply)
Why are they dole.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:06, Reply)
Careful or he'll complain to qotw about you

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:12, Reply)
What?
Has someone already done that? Or is just that this weeks question has been contained some really petty jibes?

There have been a few really stonking stories though, so it's not all bad.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:14, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/twattery/post1588258
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:18, Reply)
I've just seen that
What the fuck is wrong with people on this board? It's no wonder it gets so much stick, you can't say anything without people getting their frilly knickers in a massive twist about it.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:20, Reply)
Don't make me delete you again...

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:21, Reply)
i read that as "filthy knickers" at first
this shows what i think of al.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:24, Reply)
I'd just had a shit morning and I was a little cranky
Besides you being the catalyst for me posting it - it wasn't entirely about you.. I've already apologised once - need me to do it again?
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:24, Reply)
Send him a cock gaz
Al loves cocks.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:30, Reply)
Or bumhole pics
never forget the bumhole pics
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:35, Reply)
I just got a really nice macro
Clegnuts and all. Just say the word Al and it's yours
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:43, Reply)
you should tell the tale of how you lost your virginity
and the first time you took LOLDRUGZ.

lots of people on QOTW love that kind of story.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:32, Reply)
I could've deleted the thread
But I figured that'd just me look even worse. The complaint was genuine, but I figure my method was a little off
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:15, Reply)
Thread deleting is considered the most heinous of crimes by some people.
Go and do it, then sit back and enjoy the reactions.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:19, Reply)
I think being a pathetic twat and then bitching about it in a passive agressive fashion is worse.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:24, Reply)
You could always write in QOTW about it...

(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:27, Reply)
He ent dole he's on incapacity benefit.
There's a big difference. He's had to lie to his GP about his 'mental problems' for a start.
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:12, Reply)
Who is he? and how do you know so much when he is new/

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:13, Reply)
Rory is omniscient

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:16, Reply)
He's already posted about not working as he's been signed off by a Doctor. As he's posting here it aint too much of a leap to suggest that he's crippled by made up mental health problems

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:16, Reply)
Also it looks like they aren't really incapable of working if they can go back to Uni.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:24, Reply)
I was thinking I could study from home, seeing as I can't afford to go to university -
neither do I have the relevant qualifications to get in
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:25, Reply)
I was expecting an impertinant response sorry,..
I live on the Isle of Wight which is a fascinating place no matter what they say.. I spend most of my time fixing or building computers, when I'm not doing that I'm listening to or attempting to make music, gaming and sitting around on the dole. Trying to get back into some sort of education at the moment through the OU in history, language or something else that's vaguely relevant to my interests - preferably something that might land me a job elsewhere in the country sometime in the future.. How about yourself?
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:13, Reply)
The OU is in milton keynes.
I approve.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:15, Reply)
All you need to know is that I'm the best one here

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:18, Reply)
The other day I was watching This Morning and they had some student prostertutes on, they said phone in if you want some more information.
They wouldn't give me a single phone number.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:39, Reply)
more people should take this sage advice

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:51, Reply)
I am definitely going to take it easy this week in preparation for "Stock.
I am also reluctant to definitely drink Zider all day. Still, give it a bash, eh?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:38, Reply)
STUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNED
how are you, pervert-pants?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:40, Reply)
Touching myself.
You?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:42, Reply)
first day back after a holiday
my to-do list is so overwhelming that i have resorted to b3ta to keep my head straight between emails :(

you are coming at the weekend though??
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:43, Reply)
I am third week back after two and a half off
so I feel your pain.

I am driving down Sat lunch with Monters and Lusty.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:45, Reply)
marvellous
hope the weather is like this - it's v sunny where i am right now.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:49, Reply)
Yeah, shorts weather would be nice.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:51, Reply)
and then you wonder why i got so many* gazzes asking why i called you "pervert pants"
*actual number of puzzled gazzes = 0
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:52, Reply)
I don't think anyone was puzzled about it for a second really.
It was Stunned you were talking to.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:55, Reply)
that was kind of my point, delicious badger
but it is good that you have spelled it out clearly for him. he needs to know what the world thinks of him.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:57, Reply)
That's an outrageous slur on my otherwise excellent character.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:04, Reply)
Depending on when people arrive
there was a murmuring about a pub lunch.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:56, Reply)
Definitely going to need some substantial ballast.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:07, Reply)
We'll have to synchronise watches, or some shit like that.
I'm picking berk up as she's on the way and then we'll be heading down for early afternoon-ish. A lateish lunch and a quick sharpener before the main event wouldn't be totally out of order, I reckon.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:11, Reply)
Cool.
I am picking up M & L at about 12.30 so reckon we'll be down for 3.30'ish. Where are you staying?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:14, Reply)
I'm at the Novotel.
I think I'm going to aim for around 2 as I haven't been down that way in some time and I want a nose about before everybody gets shitfaced.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:18, Reply)
We'll figure it out.
I'll gaz you for a phone number later this week.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:27, Reply)
Sweet

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:27, Reply)
Alt; meh.
The football before hand will dictate my mood.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:40, Reply)
Well that's silly

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:48, Reply)
Going straight to the hotel after the match?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:48, Reply)
football is very serious and important

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 11:58, Reply)
If my team don't win I'll probably get really drunk, take my shirt off and have a bit of a riot so everyone knows how terribly upset I am

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:03, Reply)
i prefer to take off my shorts and ankle socks when i'm upset

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:14, Reply)
pigeon chests are embarrassing

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:20, Reply)
but i do love a blue tit

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:23, Reply)
definitely going to start packing
And get prices for hiring a van (or a man with a van)
And sort out canceling utilities
Etc etc

I am terribly disorganised at the moment.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:11, Reply)
Packing is miserable as is unpacking

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:12, Reply)
It's all the bloody cleaning I hate.
Clean the old place, then the new place because the previous tennant is a scum bag.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:17, Reply)
Surely it should be proffesionally cleqaned before you move in?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:19, Reply)
I've had landlords that didn't bother
but then I'd quibble over the first month's rent. Most do these days.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:25, Reply)
basically if it's been cleaned when you arrive it must be cleaned when you leave
ours needed some cleaning, so I got someone in and have charged it back to the landlord
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:27, Reply)
this is why God made Polish women

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:20, Reply)

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