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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Lunch.
I'll bet most of you were on 'free dinners' at school you dirty povvos. What are you having today?

Alt; why did you last go to church?
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:07, Reply)
I'm still full from the sausage sarnie from this morning.
I've just made myself coffee cos I'm knackered and going out at 4 so have no time to sleep. IT'S GONNA END IN TEARS JEFF.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:10, Reply)
Have a little nap.
That'll sort you out.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:11, Reply)
I won't wake up in time.
It takes me about half hour to get ready as well which I need to take into consideration. I could do it in two minutes but I hate rushing anything ever.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:13, Reply)
you can't polish a turd baz

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:14, Reply)
Can dress them up in fancy clothes tho.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:20, Reply)
Tell that to Kroney

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:21, Reply)
but you can roll it in glitter

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:21, Reply)
Lasagne, again
I cook it in large portions, need to pick up more veg to have with it though.

Alt: My best friend was having his daughter christened. Fucking hell, that was dull.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:11, Reply)
I hope the kid scremed when the god-man poured water on her head.
It isn't a proper 'do' unless the kid gets all eggy.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:13, Reply)
She only cried a little
One of the other kids went fucking mental, very funny.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:15, Reply)
why not make a massive lasagne, then freeze half, then you wouldn't have to eat it for a week straight

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:17, Reply)
I like eating lasagne for a week straight

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:20, Reply)
your ambition knows no bounds

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:25, Reply)
It's my favourite food, I see no problem with eating it a lot
I usually only make it once every few months, but my last one was wonderful, so I decided to make another. That, and I'm off chilli at the moment, so lasagne seemed the best idea to use my mince on.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:29, Reply)
Darth?
OK Garfield
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:32, Reply)
I'm unsurprised someone would post an unfunny comment in regard to the use of the word 'mince'
I'm even less surprised it's you.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)
\o/

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:45, Reply)
I took packed lunch but never ate it
Alt - A Baptism
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:12, Reply)
An egg sandwich on tiger bread, with lots of salt and pepper
Alt:
Christening of friend's sprog
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:15, Reply)
Ahhh, push it.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:16, Reply)
+down my fat cakehole
REAL GOOD
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:20, Reply)
Are you seriously suggesting the fact your parents did or did not have money when you were a child somehow reflects badly on a person?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:15, Reply)
well children from poor backrounds are more likely to commit crime, be dole scum, have an asbo etc
so...yes
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:16, Reply)
Really?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:19, Reply)
are prisons mainly full of people from less well off backgrounds? yes
are people on the dole generally from less well off backgrounds? yes
Is anti social behaviour mostly caused by chavvy youths from less well off backgrounds? yes

I thought this was obvious
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:37, Reply)
Yes Chompy.
I'm being 'serious' on the Internet here. When have I been anything other than serious?
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:18, Reply)
STOP THREATENING GONZ

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:21, Reply)
That time you tried to chat up berk.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:22, Reply)
I qualified for free school dinners.
But was too embarrassed to take them.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:21, Reply)
STOP PROVING HIM RIGHT!

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:25, Reply)
chicken, sweet harrissa hummus and salad sandwich
apple and banana.

Alt: mini ape's baptism, at 10am on New Year's day, I thought I was going to vom in the font
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:16, Reply)
Did the Jesus people manage to wash away your child's terrible sin?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:25, Reply)
I do hope so, in her 6 months on earth she had already racked up several serious sexual assults and some minor war crimes

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Chicken chili, new buttered spuds, sweetcorn peas and red onilns.
And coleslaw. They always have coleslaw here, no matter what concoction theyve rustled up.

Funeral.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:17, Reply)
coleslaw is the devil's spunk salad

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:18, Reply)
my local sainsburys local
has jalapeno coleslaw.

this must be tried.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:19, Reply)
I thought that was margarine.
Coleslaws's ace, that Jalapeno one sounds excellent.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:22, Reply)
This x 1000000000.
The thought of it makes me physically sick.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:22, Reply)
No, I think you're supposed to put cabbage in it.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:23, Reply)
Make it with carrot, red onion and cabbage
but use salad cream instead of mayo, loads of pepper and it is TEH SEX
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:27, Reply)
salad cream is common persons spunk

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:30, Reply)
It really makes coleslaw better
Not spunk though
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:31, Reply)
Agreed. Salad cream=chav juice.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:42, Reply)
it doesn't work in a west cunt-ree accent, jeffers
today, not sure. i want lebanese but i don't want the 20 min walk, it's bound to piss it down.

alt: barbados on christmas day. that was great.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:18, Reply)
why woukd you waste time in church if you were in Barbados?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:19, Reply)
dad wanted to go

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:20, Reply)
And he forced you to join him....
*Jamaica? Nah, Barbados*
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:22, Reply)
I had to babysit unfortunately so couldn't o to midnight mass last year
I was gutted, I love sobering up in church in the middle of the night
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:22, Reply)
One of my friends had to go to midnight mass a couple of years back
He said he didn't mind, as he didn't have a huge amount of cash for drinking anyway. We all happily chipped in to buy him several pints, and a shot with every round. He reappeared after the service telling us we were all a bunch of bastards, as he'd been swaying throughout the ceremony, and giggling at nothing.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:27, Reply)
Alt: My son's school got involved in something called Pop Connection
These cunts: www.popconnection.co.uk/PopConnection/Home.html
While I thought he was being taught to read and write it turned out that they had allowed a bunch of God botherers to waste time teaching them some "life-affirming" songs.
They put on a concert at a local church which, being dutiful parents, we attended. It was barely disguised mass indoctrination of the young.
Since then I have put little tangle on a strict diet of Norwegian Black Metal and have taken him out on several church burning excursions.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:19, Reply)
make sure you burn their lair down first

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:26, Reply)
Ham, cheese & pickle sarnie
LOADS of fruit. Really. Loads.

Last time I set foot in a church was for a wedding. My son made a fuss early doors so I took him outside. The end.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:20, Reply)
I haven't had one of them in ages, might have to rectify it soon

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:24, Reply)
I bought one from Tesco because it was reduced to 19p
And it was bloody delicious. Next stop, buying all the bits and having them every day until I'm utterly sick of them again.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:30, Reply)
Best way
A couple of years back, I had ham, cheese and pickle toasties 5 days a week for 3 weeks, as it was the cheapest option (I'd fucked up worse than usual with my money). That put me off them for quite a while.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:34, Reply)
Yeah, that'll do it

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:36, Reply)
a wedding?
Are you some kind of serial groom?
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:47, Reply)
a levi roots ready meal.
when my dad was installed as the rector at his church.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:22, Reply)

or um
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:22, Reply)
and
as up
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:24, Reply)
Try again
EDIT:

Better
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:24, Reply)
I'm bored Mumplestiltskin
So very, very bored
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:23, Reply)
I suggest wearing more hats

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:23, Reply)
I can't
I don't have the face for it. See?

img7.imageshack.us/img7/8391/2hatscartoon.jpg
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:24, Reply)
Elbow/knee hats are the way forward here
Think outside the bonce
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:25, Reply)
That's no moon

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:26, Reply)
me too :'(
we should kick someones cunt right off!
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:33, Reply)
Good idea
Anyone in mind?
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)
And stop buying ready meals
They're not good for you. I only say this because I care. And that one day I hope to touch you up.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:34, Reply)
Food related nonsense, I've just got a George Foreman fatty grill from Freecycle. Ace website, I've had hi-fi, cds, a webcam, mountain bike loads of stuff
Got rid of loads too, old telly, paperbacks and kitchen stuff and clothes. Much betteer than hoiking it down to Oxfam.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:25, Reply)
I enquired about one of them on Macc Freecycle a while back, the fucker never got back to me though

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:27, Reply)
That's the problem with Freecycle.
Non turny uppers, and ignorers.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)
yeah, fuck those starving African bastards

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:28, Reply)
Did you know that George Foreman is tiny
he just looks big because the grill is small
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:44, Reply)
hahahaha!!!

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:46, Reply)
well at least that would make sense
a big grill would make him look small
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:48, Reply)
He has about 8 kids, all called George
Even the girls
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:53, Reply)
jermaine jackson did that too

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:54, Reply)
I dunno
I'm pretty sure he doesn't have any kids with George Foreman
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:57, Reply)
Nonsense
He liked it so much, he put his cock in it
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:58, Reply)
Woah

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:00, Reply)
that's what the glitterati want you to think

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:00, Reply)
I'm looking forward to getting this.
I've only had a microwave, and toaster for a while, si I can cook a better range of munchies.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:58, Reply)
Free sandwiches cos of some meeting.
Alt: Best friend's wedding, Oct 2008. It was an American wedding, so obviously we turned up in a white, stretched Humvee.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:28, Reply)
sounds dead classy
in fact I think I saw it on a chgannel 4 documentary, "My big fat American wedding"
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:29, Reply)
Just had fresh tortellini and tomato sauce. It was meh.
Alt: to attend my father's latest wedding. It was in the chapel of the university he was teaching at, in Chicago. It was ‘well bent’ but was on a street full of frat houses a la Animal House, which was pretty smart. Then my brother and I were ID’ed in a bar, despite a combined age of about 75. That was also pretty smart.

Then I bummed your mum, which was pretty smart.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:32, Reply)
Smart.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:33, Reply)
Skill

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:34, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:45, Reply)
So your brother actually was underage right?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:36, Reply)
He was -15

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:37, Reply)
It can get pretty cold in Chicago, after all.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:38, Reply)
my girlfriends porn name would be Chicago Mudflaps cos she farts so much

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)

instantrimshot.com/classic/?sound=rimshot
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:38, Reply)
today i had penne bolognese and a chocolate milkshake and i feel bloated now
i went to gonz's funeral, you know cos battered's killed him
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:33, Reply)
I had a sausage bacon and egg bap this morning
So despite going to the pub for a leaving lunch I just had a chicken and bacon sandwich with a side salad instead of chips.

Hasn't helped the tingling and numbness in my arm though.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)
A tight feeling in your chest is just natures way of suggesting you have a couple of fags and a nice pint of bitter.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:41, Reply)
Perhaps the grease of another bacon sandwich will help the blood to flow more easily too?
Just trying to help here
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:48, Reply)
good plan

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:50, Reply)
Have you thought of phoning your close family to tell them that you've always loved them and that bygones should be bygones
A lifetime of silkcut eh
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:50, Reply)
I had a walls sausage roll and a walls steak slice
The shop next door has a poor selection of lunchtime food and I couldn't be bothered to walk in the rain up the hill to the nice bakery.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)
cogratulations you just ate pig innards and cow udders
tinged with misery
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:44, Reply)
That will be why I feel so good.
In other news, it appears that someone has just got their BMW 4x4 stuck in our car park.

I'll try and get a photo.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:47, Reply)
How can you get stuck in a car park?
I await the photo
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:48, Reply)
i assume it a woman in a parking space that is slightly smaller than massive

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:48, Reply)
Sorry if this is massive


It's not a great picture, but I don't want them to see me laughing at them. They've reversed down off a ledge which at the point under the car must be about a foot.

EDIT - they got it off with a horrible scraping sound.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:50, Reply)
omg thats one of them stormtrooper 4x4s I keep seeing!

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:51, Reply)
I thought stormtrooper cars would be 'a little on the dark side'

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:52, Reply)
no they're quite big and white like stormtrooper armour

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:53, Reply)
Hahahaha

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:52, Reply)
that is a lovely view you have right there

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:54, Reply)
Smart
+car
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:55, Reply)
You should see the view out of my window, it makes this seem epic
The built another building right up against my office so my window has blocks on the other side about 3 inches away from it. I have covered the window with grey sticky back plastic
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:56, Reply)
Thanks "Simon Groom"

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:58, Reply)
Nearly forgot, sporto
As promised, a link to the excellent Tourette's interview from this morning: news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_9714000/9714435.stm
I did post it in an earlier thread but Quentin ruined it by starting a new thread.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:02, Reply)
biscuit, biscuit, biscuit, biscuit, HAT, biscuit

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:05, Reply)
ha-ha-ha-HAPPY BIRTHDAY

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:08, Reply)
These are comedy gold
www.touretteshero.com/tics/
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:09, Reply)
Absolutely brilliant!
I've had to wipe away the tears sitting at my desk
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:13, Reply)
HAT!

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:14, Reply)
I am IRL lolling hard

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:14, Reply)
BISCUIT!

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:15, Reply)
How Naughtie managed to conduct this interview without squealing with laughter I do not know
BISCUIT!
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:20, Reply)
That's only a bit of my window.
I can see a lot of sky and about three trees too.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:58, Reply)
We get to see the occasional pissed tramp falling down the bridge

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:59, Reply)
"Monty's Northern Adventure"

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:00, Reply)
There is a pedestrian footbridge over the road
and it has a stepped walkway. We did once see a guy in a motorised wheelchair coming down it at about 30mph, bouncing around all over the place
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:01, Reply)
Three? You posh cunt

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:00, Reply)
I can see the Central Motorway in Newcastle from my desk
Jealous?
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:59, Reply)
I can see my TV from this chair.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:24, Reply)
I can see you from this one
*rubs thighs*
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:24, Reply)
Ooooof!

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:54, Reply)
it was raining
so i went to itsu because it was undercover and bought a veg rice pot. then it was still raining so i had to go to hotel chocolat and buy a pack of salted caramel chocolate buttons.

ALL THE RAIN'S FAULT.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:06, Reply)
You are Milli Vanilli
AICMFP
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:09, Reply)
I fucking wasn't, you frightful cunt.
I don't know what to eat, really. I'm a bit all over the pace today.

alt: a funeral, last month. And another funeral a week before that one.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:23, Reply)
Do you just turn up for the sandwiches?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:24, Reply)
Back at home now?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:24, Reply)
I am, he's not.
They've got him booked in for a defibrillation this afternoon, and hope that he'll be back tonight.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:26, Reply)
Ouch

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:29, Reply)
What? It was your idea!

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:32, Reply)
?
Mine was to make toast!
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:38, Reply)
Oh, no. sorry. It was Lighty.
As you were.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:41, Reply)
Not until I get my toast

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:42, Reply)
Here have this piece I've put "chocolate spread" on it for you

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:45, Reply)
turn it off and back on again
Works every time.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:45, Reply)
Well, that's the general idea.
Hopefully he's getting a bit of kip first.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:46, Reply)
I hope he's ok muy luvver

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:47, Reply)
Yeah, I'm sure he will be.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:52, Reply)
Top stuff!

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:54, Reply)
Oh man, just had a meeting about the development team.
I think I'm gonna have to start looking for a new job.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:38, Reply)
What did they say?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:39, Reply)
Battered has taken over the company

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:40, Reply)
They said the company can no longer afford the bog roll bills and has to let Gonz go

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:42, Reply)
Just had another meeting since I typed that, I ain't unhappy at all.
1) The team was moving in a direction I'm not really amazingly happy going with.
2) I get sorted out properly 'till a cirtain date, then I get a month's wages and holiday on top of that.
3) I can take time out to do any interview.

I think I can have a job inside a week, did it last time, so I can do it again.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:06, Reply)
don't tell your mortgage provider

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:13, Reply)
lol, just went for a fag, the office secutary is getting £4kpa more than me, and my equal developer is getting £14kpa more than me.
=S
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:20, Reply)
14k is quite a difference.
Have they explained why you are paid less?
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:21, Reply)
Nope, I only just found out while having a fag, but I'll bring it up, maybe there is a few quid in it, in there for me.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:25, Reply)
You should be a prize fighter, travelling with the carnival

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:40, Reply)
DID BATTERED GET TO THEM ALREADY!???!?!!?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:46, Reply)
You know, this is all getting a bit out of hand
A joke, a punch, then an organised fight to settle a question of honour and now Battered's going after his livelihood? This is how blood feuds start. 100 years from now their descendents will be revenge killing each other.

WHERE WILL THE MADNESS END?
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:56, Reply)
Probably on a night boat to Cairo

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:59, Reply)
Mossad agent on a motorcycle with a strobe light attached to his back.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:00, Reply)
PJM's getting involved?
This is going from bad to worse.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:02, Reply)
It would be a mountain bike.
A ridden one handed as his shoulder is still gammy.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:05, Reply)
The economic downturn is hitting everyone hard
even shady secret services.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:07, Reply)
I can't believe his awesome marketing management skills honed at such companys as
Coca-Cola, Amazon, Pizza Hut, WH Smiths & Sainsburys have managed to get Gonz fired.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:59, Reply)
I hadn't heard of those companies 'till he started working there.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:07, Reply)
That's how good he is.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:09, Reply)
Science backing up my thinking.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-17729478
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:47, Reply)
tl:dr
summarise please
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:49, Reply)
Women nag men

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:51, Reply)
Men can't be fucked with womens bullshit

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:51, Reply)
Men don't talk as much as women.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:54, Reply)
Have you ever had a bird leave a voice message that bhas n o point whatsoever?
Justa stream of conciousness
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:55, Reply)
I've had them whining at me for ages and then getting cross
because I'm offering suggestions on how to fix their problem before now.

"I don't want solutions, I want sympathy".
"But if you do this, you won't need either"
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME"
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:58, Reply)
the tourettes hero link is saying "site suspended"
fix that problem and i won't whine at you.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:00, Reply)
It's double bad news with you
because you don't even put out.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:02, Reply)
you have to get me really drunk

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:03, Reply)
*orders Chadonnay enema machine*

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:05, Reply)
The only thing that I get when I get you really drunk
is the worst hangover in the universe
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:05, Reply)
fuck yeah that was bad
then in the morning i found all that pink XXX alcoholic shit everywhere and retched the whole time i was cleaning it up.

why did you make me drink that? why?
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:08, Reply)
You're the one that got us on to that
you dozy mare. I distinctly remember saying "I think we ought to enjoy drinking responsibly" but noooooo
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:12, Reply)
that is a sentence that you have never said in your entire life
ever.

it is about as likely as me saying: "noooo noooooo, i hate chanel."
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:14, Reply)
Fuck off, I am the epitome of moderation.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:16, Reply)
strikethrough gold

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:20, Reply)
I distinctly remember you eyeing up the back row of spirits at the summer bash
you made me drink orange aftershock. Orange.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:16, Reply)
oh christ
i didn't KNOW it was orange until we'd drunk it! same thing happened at a rugby club bash the other week. fucking lethal.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:20, Reply)
Best pack some painkillers for Sunday then!

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:08, Reply)
Nothing like a three hour drive
with a banging head.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:10, Reply)
i am contemplating train/taxis at either end
for this exact reason
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:11, Reply)
I'd offer you a lift
but a) you don't trust my cars and b) you'd have to get the train out to mine, anyway. You'd just as well go the distance if you're on a train anyway.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:15, Reply)
thank you v much
but as you say i might as well go from kensington to bristol as kensington to slough to bristol... i might still drive. it's just the thought of the hungover drive back that i dislike.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:18, Reply)
If you train down
see how you feel on Sunday. You can always hop in for part of the way back if you fancy.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:19, Reply)
danke

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:22, Reply)
I've got no idea if the Marathon on Sunday has any impact on your drive into London or not.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:19, Reply)
nope
not from bristol to west london. it doesn't come as far out as high st ken.

would stop me driving to work or to the ex's though, for sure.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:21, Reply)
HAT!

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:02, Reply)
too much traffic I guess

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:02, Reply)
Too much FUCKING traffic.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:03, Reply)
Too much BISCUIT traffic

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:04, Reply)
Too much HAT traffic

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:05, Reply)
driving down house prices taking our biscuits

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:06, Reply)
No-one's taking MY Biscuit!

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:07, Reply)
This isn't a Trio advertisment.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:11, Reply)
Or even a Breakaway advert.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:14, Reply)
Too much Ha-Ha-HAPPY BIRTHDAY

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:06, Reply)
the woman in itsu told me to have a great birthday today
i had thanked her before i realised IT'S NOT MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY

random
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:07, Reply)
You obviously looked like you had just got a whole lot older.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:08, Reply)
maybe you look a year older than the last time you visited?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:08, Reply)
well
aren't you two a treat this afternoon?

:(
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:10, Reply)
I'm always a treat, like a Mr. Kipling chocolate slice

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:11, Reply)
french fancy, more like

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:12, Reply)
I was going to say that first, i like the yellow ones best

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:14, Reply)
I heard you like the brown ones

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:15, Reply)
Don't be sad
everyone gets older, I'm sure people will still love your sparkling personality even when your breasts are sagging around your navel and your arse hangs down to the back of your knees.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:12, Reply)
That's the only thing that gets me through the day.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:13, Reply)
Oh right, so where are you going to get a sparkling personality from?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:14, Reply)
I'm going to borrow yours

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:14, Reply)
navel?
they've been around my knees since i was 13.

my arse is good though. trust me.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:15, Reply)
Battered will be pleased

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:16, Reply)
poor battered
he has really gotten battered on here the past few days.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:19, Reply)
Men have bigger penii than women*


*does not apply to Fatima Whitbread
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:02, Reply)
She got arrested at Gatwick airport.
Customs found 10lbs of crack in her pants.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:03, Reply)
Oh Monty, penis is Greek
the plural is penes.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:03, Reply)
Captain Kroney presses enter, grins, links his fingers and cracks them with his arms above his head,
"that'll show them" he says as he leans back in his chair, eager to see the fallout from that photonic zing torpedo.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:06, Reply)
I can so imagine him doing that.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:07, Reply)
I have to admit
I did let out a self-satisfied chuckle.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:08, Reply)
or AA

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:03, Reply)
:-(

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:12, Reply)
I'm not the Rabbi with Parkinsons that lopped the top off

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:14, Reply)
If you aren't, how did you know he did that, hmmm?!

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:32, Reply)
Gonz told me, he was having a quick pray at the temple before work

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:35, Reply)
This is bad news for my daughter for when she grows up
My Mrs is a fucking nuisance with a mobile phone.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 14:53, Reply)
i wish! imagine how much money that could have saved
Likely having salad. There's a massive tub of chicken an dumplins in the fridge but I'm not a fan
Alt Easter
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:06, Reply)
Chicken and Dumplings!
That sounds nice. Have you ever made the chicken and cheese dip stuff that americans make for parties*


*I went to a party and an american had made it and said that someone always made it for parties in america.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:08, Reply)
You forgot the rice an peas

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:09, Reply)
sounds revolting

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:09, Reply)
Surprisingly it wasn't.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:12, Reply)
so it's a dip made of cheese and pureed chicken?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:13, Reply)
You're so fucking retarded.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:15, Reply)
because I don't know what some cheap and tacky american food is?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:15, Reply)
That's not the only reason.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:18, Reply)
Look it is made of chicken you fucktard
2 (10 ounce) cans chunk chicken, drained
2 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
1 cup Ranch dressing
3/4 cup pepper sauce (such as Frank's Red Hot®)
1 1/2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:22, Reply)
cans of chunk chciken
*bokes*
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:22, Reply)
Meat - tick
Cheese - tick
Spicy - tick

What's not to like?
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:22, Reply)
Nothing much
I wouldn't eat it with celery though. I hate celery.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:23, Reply)
I quite like it
I am worried by this
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:24, Reply)
woofter/fat chick

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:25, Reply)
i like it
but only with fat things like houmous or garlic dip. or blue cheese.

it's nice in a stirfry.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:28, Reply)
I make almost all soups and stocks using it
Good for hummous too
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:29, Reply)

allrecipes.com/recipe/buffalo-chicken-dip/
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:17, Reply)
That looks like it.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:22, Reply)
if you made it without chicken
i'd eat it
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:23, Reply)
What about the buffalo?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:23, Reply)
flash-fry it.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:24, Reply)
Thanks Mo

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:25, Reply)
Yes but then it would ratehr defeat the point wouldn't it dear.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:24, Reply)
i think it would be a vast improvement

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:29, Reply)
al, out of any american food you could enjoy, that is probably the worst
The chicken is from a CAN
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:25, Reply)
You don't have to make it with canned chicken though do you
In fact, i've never seen canned chicken in the UK so I reckon the stuff I had was made with proper chicken.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:29, Reply)
you hope

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:35, Reply)
buffalo chicken dip is terrible
I only just encountered it over the summer
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:22, Reply)
What's your favourite dip then K-swiz

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:24, Reply)
ATM

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:26, Reply)
hahaha!
No double dipping
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:28, Reply)
spinach i reckon

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:26, Reply)
I had this awesome stuff in Australia, that was effectively pesto
purreed basil and oil with pine nuts.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:30, Reply)
+ parmesan and that is pesto...

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:32, Reply)
That's why I said, it's effectively pesto.
But they called it Basil dip.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:35, Reply)
which isn't spinach dip

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:36, Reply)
I know.
I'm sorry. I think you look pretty in the latest photos you posted on facebook.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:40, Reply)
why thank you al
I'm thinking oof dying my hair dark, possibly black
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:46, Reply)
Your welcome Kristine. I think that would suit you.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:47, Reply)
is this what you do with your wife?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:50, Reply)
Say nice things about her and then listen to her response?
Nah, I just point at the kitchen, grunt and scratch my balls.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:51, Reply)
waitrose do a nice basil and pecorino cheese dip
creamy
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:36, Reply)
I don't really like Pecorino I've decided.
It smells a bit like vomit.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:39, Reply)
parmesan smells like a tramp's foreskin
but it still tastes good
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:44, Reply)
Not fresh parmesan.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:47, Reply)
tell us how you came to know they smell alike

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:48, Reply)
he posts on here
i can't reveal that info
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 16:05, Reply)
You're alright Pistons deleted his account
even his standup has disappeared :(
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 16:06, Reply)
I am NOT a tramp.
I am a knight of the road.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 16:09, Reply)
They should call it Hey Pesto
I think it must be time for me to go home soon.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:37, Reply)
no
Spinach and cheese
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:34, Reply)
*buffalo stances*

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:23, Reply)
Lookin' good today

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:24, Reply)
buffalo chiicken dip?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:14, Reply)
No one said anything about any beef

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:15, Reply)
dont be fucking stupid

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:18, Reply)
why would you dip a buffalo in chicken anyway?
what is your obsession with meat?
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:20, Reply)
she is some sort of pervert I reckon

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:21, Reply)
Meat is not a perversion

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:22, Reply)
depends where you put it

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:24, Reply)
well duuuuh

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:22, Reply)
he was talking about kristine

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:22, Reply)
so was she

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:24, Reply)
yes
yes i was
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:24, Reply)
no, it wasn't about you, rachel

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:25, Reply)
this is not another banjolele

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:26, Reply)
if the chicken was bigger than the buffalo you'd get a hell of a lot of sauce

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:26, Reply)
It's Georges Marvellous Medicine all over again
*calls the national guard*
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:28, Reply)
i liked it when he makes the grandma big

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:29, Reply)
Martin Lawrence is hilarious

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:30, Reply)
I DON'T THINK HE WAS IN GEORGE'S MARVELLOUS MEDICINE?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:40, Reply)
This in no way detracts from his hilarity

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:43, Reply)
Yay
Pay review time.....

This year I will be getting... fuck all
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:23, Reply)
And taht's more than you're worth.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:24, Reply)
taht is correct didneed

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:27, Reply)
bad luck sporters
*sets up "Sporters Relief"*
*Makes David Walliams swim the fucking Atlantic*
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:24, Reply)
I like the David Walliams idea

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:26, Reply)
I meant to add that he would be wearing a"meat suit"

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:27, Reply)
I'd pay money to see him swim that bit off the coast of SA
in between the mainland and some seal island. In a black wetsuit.

The one which is fucking teeming with seal-hungry great whites.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:27, Reply)
do you actually mean "fuck all"
or do you mean "same as last year"

...cos if it's the former, you need to look long and hard at your negotiation skills, sporters.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:25, Reply)
I mean fuck all, as in nothing
My negotiating skills are now being brought out as we don't get any input until now
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:27, Reply)
Oh, sorry. I meant nothing as in "no salary" not "no raise"
I should probably clarify that to make my initial post be taken in the comedy vein it was intended, really.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:29, Reply)
Ahhh, "almost" nothing then

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:30, Reply)
comedy gold

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:31, Reply)
I know, I'm on fire here Quints.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:31, Reply)
Fire eh?
*thinks up new plan for pay review*
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:34, Reply)
oh shit why are you on the internet? SOMEBODY PHONE A FIRE MAN

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:34, Reply)
sorry
i'll stop gazzing you titshots now.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:36, Reply)
At this point, I'd like to point out I'm freezing

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:36, Reply)
i've just run out of titshots
i have a few b3tan's cockshots from the last few years, can i interest you in those?
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:38, Reply)
*deflates*

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:40, Reply)
define "a few"
cos I'm intrigued how many people would be idiotic enough to gaz a picture of their cock to someone?
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:41, Reply)
more than enough
that is how many!
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:43, Reply)
Speaking as a non cock-gazzer
How would you even do it? Gaz is text innit?
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:44, Reply)
ascii.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:44, Reply)
8=======D

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 16:15, Reply)
Doesn't work too well, but you get the idea...
======
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 16:17, Reply)
host a picture somewhere
email the link

at least, that's what your dad did
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 16:03, Reply)
Like my Dad could work a computer

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 16:16, Reply)
woah.
let's not get carried away, here.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:39, Reply)
Bob Marley less successful...

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:35, Reply)
haha. That's one of the better ones of this meme.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:36, Reply)
yes, i thought this deserved MOAR attention

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:39, Reply)
Surely you can argue for inflation?

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:26, Reply)
To say I am slightly annoyed is a slight understatement

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:28, Reply)
I wpon't be gettinig the promotion I wanted
as my manager has only been with me for six months and needs "more data points", fuck off, I did that before you arrived
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:29, Reply)
The real reason is that you're a shitcunt
with nothing to offer the workplace.

And you spend too much time on the internet.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:32, Reply)
I can't argue with the second point
however still overperform, hit targets etc etc
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:33, Reply)
You are:
Jim Carrey
Robin Hood
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:41, Reply)
mr kettle, I've got a mr pot on line one..

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:34, Reply)
no-one else is really getting it.
Our inflation increase was 0.3% for 2 years. And much as I dislike them we've got a few fairly powerful unions doing our negotiation.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:28, Reply)
I got 5% last year...
but I am awesome
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:29, Reply)
i think this year i'll be earning a few grand more than last year
thats always nice
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:30, Reply)
5% for inflation?
or 5% for being awesome?
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:30, Reply)
"pay adjustment" they call it

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:31, Reply)
ah, right.
ours completely separates inflationary pay rises, statuatory progression and performance related stuff. About the only thing here that is transparent...
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:33, Reply)

% stars on my McBadge
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:30, Reply)
*claims free cheese burger*

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:32, Reply)
GUTTED
just say you're deeply disappointed in the result and even though you know it's a difficult time the effect of inflation means this pay deal is a real terms wage cut of 3.5%
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:34, Reply)
In the last 4 years, I have had one pay rise
last year. In real terms, I'd appreciate what this would mean.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:36, Reply)
It means they think you're shit

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:38, Reply)
I thought this
15 fucking years (almost) I've been here. My rage is growing.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:39, Reply)
You're underappreciated, a fixture if you will
By not having moved on years ago you've been marked as lacking in ambition or wit. You're the office mug, suck it up
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:43, Reply)
This weather can fuck off.
I'm supposed to be poncing round Soho in six minutes.
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:55, Reply)

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