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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Smiley Culture
I've just bought tickets to the Da Vinci anatomical drawings exhibition at Buckhingham Palace for Monday. Get me, I'm so cultural. I'm currently reading a translation of the Icelandic saga of Njal, too. I'm really 'into culture'. But are you? Or are you more of an 'X Factor and James Patterson' kind of wanker?

Defend you oafish interests, you grotty peasants.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)
I don't know who James Patterson is,
so I don't think I'm "that kind" of wanker.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:36, Reply)
He's a kind of 'Dan Brown, 'Michael Crichton' populist author.
Airport books, you know. Also known as 'fucking drivel'.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:39, Reply)
The Da Vinci code is the only reason you're going to that exhibition.
Dan Brown changed your life.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)
He sure did.
I caught AIDS off him.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:45, Reply)
Did you only catch it after travelling around europe looking at museums?

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
No, I believe it was at a Romany bukkake party.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:43, Reply)
I watched the Avengers lat night.
It was good.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:37, Reply)
how good? i'm going to see zefron tonight and i know i'll hate it
but the gf won't see avegees with me :(
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Hulk smashes stuff. It'll be better than whatever wank you watch.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:44, Reply)
i'll be getting poutang out of it though, but she'll probably be thinking of zefron again

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:46, Reply)
Hey Q what's that red mark on your forehead?
Oh yeah it's a thumb print
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:46, Reply)
:(((((

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:47, Reply)
You should be a lawyer with that robust arguing style you're displaying here.
I went to see the Aardman Pirates vs Scientists film on Saturday, it was not as shit as the Muppets.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)
the muppets must be really shit
i saw pireates and even though the ending was good i thought it was a bit slow to get off the ground

I gave it 3.8 Qs over on /talk
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:46, Reply)
The Muppets is fucking dismal.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:48, Reply)
I enjoyed the muppets, I will probably also enjoy the pirates vs scientists film
but I don't have a very young child or very young girlfriend to take so I'll wait until it's on TV, every christmas from now until 2050 to watch it.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:47, Reply)
I can't even begin to articulate how shit the muppets are
This could be due to their massive shitness or my lack of linguistic skillz
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:51, Reply)
Hahaahah
Bit of both, I think.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:54, Reply)
Its time to play the music
Its time to light the lights
Its time to meet the muppets on the Muppet Show tonight

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
No it isn't.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)
That exhibition should be great.
Most of the shut ins here, have less culture than a petri dish.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:40, Reply)
I prefer his sketches to his finished paintings, myself.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Another thing we have in common bezzie!

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:42, Reply)
YESSSS!!!!!!

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:44, Reply)
Agreement there.
I prefer his technology work, but it is all remarkable.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:44, Reply)
Monty is going to look at how exactly a penis is meant to look
because he's worried.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:45, Reply)
I don't think prince charles will be there.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:47, Reply)
Unless you've fucked up your petri dishes
I'd hope they didn't have very much culture tbh.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)
I saw Britains got talent last week
They should be reported to the ASA for false advertising
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)
I was going to buy an engagement ring and now I don't have to.
I can put the money towards regrouting the warp engine nacelles, instead.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:42, Reply)
You're in the wrong thread.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)
Better to not get the chance to buy It in the first place
Are you still moping?
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:44, Reply)
Nah, not really.
I just like the meme.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:47, Reply)
I'm very cultured
and I loathe the television.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:46, Reply)
I quite desperately want to go and see that
but then, I also quite desperately wanted to go and see The Avengers. So, half and half I suppose.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:47, Reply)
The avengers is great.
the 3D isn't total shit for once. Still not necessary, but it doesn't ruin the film.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:48, Reply)
i saw like a whole bunch of ducomentaries last night
buggered if i can remember any of them, there was mary beard, obama sin ladan, and something on bbc4
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:48, Reply)
Do you write the TV reviews for the Daly Mail?

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:49, Reply)
I watched Beard. She's growing on me.

THIS IS FUNNY BECAUSE I HAVE A BEARD.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:50, Reply)
That's no way to break your homosexuality to Lusty,

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:51, Reply)
But the "Whoops, wrong hole again!" excuse is wearing thin now.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:53, Reply)
I imagine it's not the only thing that is.
Well, I don't 'imagine', because that image would be far too disturbing for me.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:54, Reply)
This implies having anal sex with a woman is gay.
protip: it's not.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:55, Reply)
It is if she has a cock

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:56, Reply)
^ one of the bentest spasticated posts of all time

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:58, Reply)
+ most
Just helping you to make sense, no need to thank me
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)
I for one am thankful for your clarification

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:04, Reply)
Chompy's Pro Sex Tips #43

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)
#2 "No never means no"

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:05, Reply)
This is the second tip he has given me about inserting things into ladies bottoms.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:09, Reply)
i'm going off her, her whole documentary seems to be
"look they were JUST LIKE US! LOOK!"

of course they fucking were you prick, just because we've got more technology now doesn't change humnan nature you prick
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)
Whilst you have a fair point
I think what she is (admittedly rather labouredly) showing is the side of life in Rome which is not normally looked at, ie not the politics and emperors etc. I have to say the day-to-day life of Roman citizens is of greater interest to me than the tedious endless political intrigues that homos like Suetonius bang on about.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:08, Reply)
I would absolutely ruin Bettany Hughes.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:09, Reply)
in some she looks nice but she looks like she's had five kids in others

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:12, Reply)
I don't even know what it is.
She's kind of sturdy.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:13, Reply)
Good nipples, but too much chin.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)
I agree.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:35, Reply)
i couldn't give a fuck about the poor

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
BBC 4 was the Mayan one.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
yes, that was it!

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:01, Reply)
Oh man I love dem niggaz.
I shall be iPlayering that shit like a God damned bitch.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:10, Reply)
i watched 3-4 documentaries last night, got a shit load of work done and spent a couple of hours with my gf
i'm like a demi god or sutin
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
Fo' sheezy, Q-Dog.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:35, Reply)
"Ooooh, get me!"
"I am a Russell Brand style druggie culture vulture"

Fucking. Ponce.

I will be watching Corrie drinking a blue alcopop.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:56, Reply)
I had supermarket own brand vodka
on my cereal this morning.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
I had WINE.
And I am going to the SORBONNE for lunch. And will be going to MUSTIQUE for the weekend.

Pass me The Guardian please, there is a review of some shit going on at the St Martin's School of Irrelevence.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
Damned benefit scrounging scumbag

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:14, Reply)
I have no issues with reading the more bubble gum end of the books market
as I normally end up reading them on the metro to and from work. A more in-depth book requires more pondering on at home
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:56, Reply)
"Metro".
Hahahahahahaha.

Look at the Geordies, with their "public transport".
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 9:58, Reply)
20 mins from my street to work
Metro FTW
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)
It's probably walkable in 10.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:05, Reply)
If you were Usain Bolt perhaps

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:06, Reply)
Oh he is.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
A more in depth book such as
"Stealthy Hubcap Removal for Fun and Profit"? I've heard about you Northerners.

Also by "metro" do you mean "tram"?
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)
That would be Scousers, surely?
Also: No
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)
Sorry, obviously I meant "pit pony"

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:03, Reply)
Nee pits left man!
Nay shipyards neether

We've eaten all the ponies
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:05, Reply)
I think you'll find they are called 'pernies'

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:16, Reply)
I think you'll find they are called lernch

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)
I agree, I used to do that commuting in and out of london
I needed something low-brow because my brain was too tied up the rest of the time.

Although, I mostly stuck to Rankin/Brookmyre/Hiassen kind of stuff. I tried to read "The Lost Symbol" once and actually threw it across the train in annoyance.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:18, Reply)
Just something to start your brain off
20 mins reading and some music
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:19, Reply)
I should be so fucking lucky
2 hours each way for me. For 5 years.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:21, Reply)
I do an hour each way plus a half hour walk in the morning and a 15 min bus ride at night.
Newpaper in the morning, proper book at night.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:24, Reply)
I like all of those. Stuart MacBride's pretty good as well.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:26, Reply)
Define culture.
You hippy.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:03, Reply)
Like in his organic, tofu yoghurt

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:05, Reply)
It was merely an excuse to shoehorn in a reference to his favourite dead reggae star

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:07, Reply)
He was fucking brilliant.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:16, Reply)
Regardless of what type of books you like to read
Avoid this at all costs: www.amazon.com/New-Death-others-ebook/dp/B005Q8Q8DY
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:05, Reply)
haha!

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:06, Reply)
ooh, that looks good, do tell me more about this James Hutchings character.
I imagine him to be some sort of witty, urbane raconteur.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:07, Reply)
That costs zero pence to download.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:08, Reply)
Too expensive

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:09, Reply)
I wouldn't taint my Kindle with it.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:16, Reply)
drinking, wanking and crying.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:10, Reply)
The Holy Trinity

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
My interests are playing guitar and drinking
I do not feel the need to defend either.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:28, Reply)
The gloves are off, eh?

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:28, Reply)
Depends how early I start drinking

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:31, Reply)
God the public are fucking stupid
www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/may/01/anti-gm-activists-wheat-rothamsted?newsfeed=true
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:28, Reply)
I get very annoyed by the wilful ignorance of such spanners.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:34, Reply)
The protesters say:
"We are really pleased they want to engage in a discussion. But we know that talking to them is not going to change their minds"
That's because they know what they're talking about, and you dont.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:36, Reply)
Fucking hell, what is the fucking point of it?
Stupid whiney fucking hippies.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:48, Reply)
I borrowed a couple of books from my friend, Mrs Boyce.
Ellen DeGeneres - Many a slip 'twixt Cup and Lip.
K.D. Lang - Tip my Velvet, you bad, bad girl.
Vita Sackville-West - Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:29, Reply)
oranges are not the only fruit, eh?

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:31, Reply)
Little known fact
Oranges are not actually a fruit, they are in fact a root vegetable.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:33, Reply)
...as they grow underground?

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:36, Reply)
Did you know a peanut is not a nut?

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:36, Reply)
Your peanut is next to two nuts

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:42, Reply)
It's actually a baby carrot and they are petit pois.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:43, Reply)
Did you know they make cashews
by soaking peanuts in water and then they lie them across a pencil.

That is why they are so soggy and tasteless.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:44, Reply)
God I hate you.
You're not my real dad.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:33, Reply)
I've told you before, your step-father is a woman.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:36, Reply)
You forgot this one
www.amazon.co.uk/SQUIRMS-SCREAMS-AND-SQUIRTS-Advanced/dp/1887895647/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1335951401&sr=8-8
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:37, Reply)
"amazon also recommends"
A book on anal sex positions.

Magic, given my wife uses my Amazon account that's going to take some explaining.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:39, Reply)
"My mistress likes it up the shitter....."

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:42, Reply)
It's more that you'd need a book of positions rather than the back-door booting itself.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:43, Reply)
Amazon left open for your wife to see
"My cock's not going to suck itself" by The Mighty Badger.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:45, Reply)
I'd have to write it first.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:48, Reply)
Tell her you've been researching early Christmas presents.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:44, Reply)

Playing the drums, just ordered a bass guitar to learn over the summer too, playing on the xbox and camping are my favourite things.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:30, Reply)
Isn't bass for people who can't play guitar?

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:33, Reply)
*awaits Crow turning up*

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:35, Reply)
So given he's admitted he can't even play bass, where does that leave us?

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:36, Reply)
Well, we already knew he was a drummer
so it leaves us pretty much as we were.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:41, Reply)
"three legs and a cunt on top"

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 10:43, Reply)

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